EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok well, my eyes hurt....i prolly look like a junkie or something..haha....and sometimes things get all blurryish....maybe i need a nap when i get home....*zombie!!!!!!!*

i think im thirsty or something......my mouth is all dry....*soda..soda*...know what i want?....i want some koolaid, i havent had any in the longest time, i used to drink like a whole 2 gallon thing each day....imagine all that sugar and dye in your system....eek

well today i got some supplies that i needed....some lil circle reinforcements for the holes, a hole puncher, a pair of scissors(well, theyre kinda small, but it guess thats better than nothing) and some file labels...so i guess i can keep doing work now...i guess. . :P also, earlier i was rearranging the boxes and other stuffs....im very....dunno the word, movethingsaroundish...later ill prolly be mighty tired...but eh...i got a workout...so thats good....

i had to eat chippies for lunch :( but i just had a little bag....just one....see, im being a good boy..and today i changed my prefered drink from drpepper to coke....i guess that last batch of bland drpeppers killed the mood....so now im coke guy(the drink :P).

during lunch me and some coworkers were laughing and laughing...at what you ask.....one of the bosses of coure...silly..we were all saying that he was their daddy and other such nonsense.....it was a mighty good romp..so i was all like *yay* and *harhar* the buzz seems to have lasted....

right now my back kinda hurts..um. im feeling kinda.....dunno the word to use....drained...flushed.....from too much excitement in my miserable lil life....see, im just not made for this kinda thing...i wasnt gonna say it, but the library is too wild for me......hahaha j/k

so i started with it, and i end with it........EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

once again......im here.....love me....haha....yes, i need to be stabbed with a spork..you know who.

punk net radio wouldnt work so im listening to "cabin fever" by rasputina instead....mighty groovie...yay...whats better than corset clad cello women....well...no, not corset clad men..haha.....but still, i heart rasputina...ive already preordered the remix ep....so i should get it around august 20ish something....yay

today im gothic archivist..haha, im just saying that cos im all dressed in black.....xcept for my socks, im such a weirdo and wore beige socks....haha....but who cares....nobody does...

well this morning before i went to be i decided to go look at match.com again.....just wondering if anybody near by....of course there is, but just like 5 peoples....but still, mighty eek......it got me thinking, maybe its not just attitude and looks, there has to actually be available people around....so thats why sometimes its hard for everybody.....but also, in my mind....i started having thoughts that maybe i should just give up and try to live a normal life...well normal according to the sheep....how much is the happiness of one person to the happiness of many peoples.....i just dont know what im doing...what am i going to do....why does it have to be this way.....

well i guess thats all for now....more later....you know it and so do i....ok tata

um....nothing much happeing here on this side of the screen...just blah

um....my backpack smells like peanut butter...haha....i guess that happens when you carry some....meep....i hope i dont get ant or any other little critters...

while soaking in the tub i was just having nice little thoughts about computer guy...what if....just making up nice little scenes...but earlier i was thinking how dumb i was to even have these thoughts about somebody who doesnt even notice me...im just hurting myself....oh well.....dreaming is free.

i havent seen mah stray cat in a loooong time....even though i love her, im glad that im not too attached to her cos then i would be mighty sad....but i think its better this way...just having her in my mental vault....

:'( my blobby died.....its cos stupid people were abusing their blob rights so now all the blobbies in the world are dead....see, everything good in the world leaves me....i wish i could leave myself....

*gasp* ive already been working for 2 month....eek....that happened really quick....scary..

no doubt was on conan....oh that tony kanal is so *ohhh ahhh*...haha....well tom is ok too...is that his name..tom...and gwen of course....and i wont be mean and leave adrian out...hehe

during lunch at work i was making a girl laugh cos i was singing the blues clues songs...haha....im such a doof....but of course you know i looooove old blues clues with my steve...not the new one....blahh....ive seen like 2 eppys and i just cant sit through them...we want steve!!! we want steve!!!!!

ok, i guess thats all for now.....good bye lovers

well im back in the glass cage....just about 20 min to go.......in the lab i helped a stinky man...eek...haha.....

im listening to "walk on the wild side" by lou reed over and over and over and over.......and over......sings *Candy came from out on the island...In the back room she was everybody's darlin'....But she never lost her head...Even when she was givin' head...She says hey babe, take a walk on the wild side...She says hey honey, take a walk on the wild side....*....thats the same candy from the song "candy says" which is also one of my fav songs...candy darling, part of warhols troupe...

*sigh* im just feeling all blah.......mighty blah......and alone, but what new....im always feeling alone....

ive already had to witness 2 birds fly into the window today....:'(

well......i guess im outta words for now....i wish i could just sprout some wings and fly away from here.....

um...im in the lab right now..nothing much..just being blah...um....i guess i should read during this hour.....or browse through some blogs....hmm...

today has been pretty much blank..except during the sighting....listened to pulp, belly, the strokes....and some more punk net radio...

the stupid coworkers are calling me spoiled just cos i dont eat meat....those ignorant peons...theyre gonna make me get "buffy" on their asses.

eek.....right now theres 6 peoples in the lab....and theyre all grotty...haha...yes, im a doof...why cant an angel fly in right now and put a smile on my face....*sigh*

well i guess thats all....more later...

oh my gosh...im gonna throw up, theyre playing u2 on the punk station........eek!!!!!!!!!

eek!!!!!!!!! ok well right after i typed the last entry i was leaving for the lounge....and guess who the first person i see is.....its HIM!!!!!!!!!!! he was on the computer closest to my door, but i hadnt seen him cos i was at the computer....so of course i almost fall over....my heart goes all wonky....so of course im all like...dont want to go to lunch now...wont be able to eat knowing that hes up there.....so anyway, i just go down and am all blue....so i decide to look through the books......i find the second harry potter book...so im all like *yay* even though i still have 5 books to read.but i check it out cos it will be gone if i dont...so anyway, i keep looking and then downstairs in the printing computer...who do i see...him....hes down there now!!!....by that time im all fainting..haha...im such a doof......eek.......so now im sad again....:'(

a stupid coworker asked me if id been in the wind cos of my hair....*cries* i hate my hair.......

right now im going through buffy mode.....even though upn is being evil and not showing itself......so i was helping my coworker and i figured something out so i said that it was my *buffy sense*.....haha.......im such a doof.....but it makes me somewhat happy....so yay.....

ok, back to work i guess..... :'( come back again!!!!!!!

*sigh*....im done with most of my work...but i have enough for the week...

im feeling mighty sad right now......dunno......its just everything....everyone......me......but whenever i feel this way i just read some old emails with shibby writings.....they make me smile...make me feel somewhat a good person, especially "his" words.....maybe everything will turn out fine...and my hair isnt helping the situation....6 more hours to suffer this hair....eek.....*cries*....mayhaps during lunch ill walk around and look at peoples.......*sigh*

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! a smile on my face.....know why?......."anarchy in the u.k."......it just came on.....so of course now i wanna jump around and do my elaine dance....but cant.....but now am all like *yay!!!!*....music will save me from myself.....wah!!!

ok almost time for lunch in a couple of minutes....<3 <3 <3....are you there?

EEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my hair...its just EEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!! it wont stay down in the back....i already put water, but that didnt help...im gonna have to pretend that thats how its supposed to look....decided, i need a hair cut....EEK!

ok, back to real life.

once again.......hi hi

um......im wearing a scooby bandaid on my middle finger cos yesterday i got a cut with the stupid file folders...not the file itself, but the plastic thingy on top......i guess i forgot to say yesterday....anyway, its got scooby, shaggy and fred....so im gonna be all like looky here....hehe

on the way here i heard ah ha and tears for fears....so that was shibby...childhood music....come back 80's

right now im listening to pulp "this is hardcore"......this is one of my fav records by this quasiglam band...plus it has that song "like a friend"......the one that explains my feelings...the one that was featured in the movie "great expectations"....shibby movie...of course it made me all weepy...haha...oh......whats to become of me.....tsk tsk

today or tomorrow im gonna have to go with one of the ladies to go buy some plastic folders for some old stuff.....i know its gonna cause a resurgence(sorry but im bad at grammer if youve noticed..haha) of the "ladies man" label....*rolls eyes*....if they only knew...stupid bumkins

well ive one of my strange hair styles again...ive got all the top part to the front and the bottom to the back..kinda looks...dunno...but its strange for this enviro......i just dont know how to tame it.....grah

ok, more later......ta

um.....just bored here...so bored that i was looking through match.com...just looking :p...and you see some really attractive people and you think...if they cant find anybody, what chance do i have.....dunno dunno....dunno....

um....finished another book...started another in addition to the one im already reading....urggg

i hate relative....especially those that invite themselve to stay at your house...urggg again

at first i was purty sure that i wanted to get my hair cut short, but now im thinking to let it grow....but that will require loads and loads of gel...blah...and i hate gel...and i still dont know what color to do it....dunno

i hate it when i hear the radio, and i hear certain songs so many times that i start liking them....its so scaryyy....well theyre pop top 40 songs that i currently kinda tolerate but hate myself for kinda liking are...."the middle" by jimmy eat world, "a thousand miles" by vanessa carlton, and "complicated" by avril lavigne.....scary, no.....i blame the radio...the car needs a cd player, cos that the only time i have to hear the radio....eek..im tainted....eeek

i hope my friend has a fantabulous time in california...he deserves it.

um...i guess that all for now...til later(my crappy goodbye)

well its almost time to go home....eh

today i got work done cos computer guy didnt show up....so i guess that was a good thing......its best that way....

almost finish the book!!!...yay...well shouldnt have taken me this long....sometimes i hate reading in public cos ill start smiling whilst reading....cant let people see me smile, its unnatural....;)

upn is being evil.....how do they expect me to get my buffy fix with no upn!!!!!!!!! it better be back by tomorrow or i will be mighty unpleasant...ive gotta get my buffy reruns...eek.

well im purty much done with the files, so tomorrow ill prolly work on the scrapbooks.......blah

i need to get me a pet duck...or atleast a biscuit.......haha....im so bad...i know

people around here are so bad with the secrets.....i already have to store several...not good.

WAH!!!!! theyre giving anarchy in the u.k...i love that song so mighty much.....whooo yah.......*iiiiii wanna beeeeee anarchyyyyyyyyy*....ok, im done...haha.

well i guess thats all for now.....tata

today my drpepper was all blah....it tasted old....so whenever i took a sip id be all like *urggg* but i dont want to waste, so i drank it all to wash down my pbh....*urgg*.....

i continued reading "i was a teenage fairy" by francesca lia block.....its funny cos the fairy mab calls cute guys "biscuits"....well i find it amusing.....this writer has something with these little names..in her other book she called guys "ducks"....well theyre both cutie names...

before i came to the lab right now i ate a whole little package of lifesavers...those little five piece packs...just put it all in my mouth....that and water was my snack......mmmmmm

well i havent seen computer guy today....oh well.....i did see some other guy, but hes no computer guy.....

today i listened to fiona apple, blur, morrissey, mix cd....thats about it....blur......i just heart damon albarn, the blur singer and member of gorillaz....not only is he a cutie, but his voice *ahh!!!* it just eats you up.....especially the song "No Distance Left to Run"..it just...his voice is just so yummy in that song....so soulful......it just eats you up.......*sigh*

sometimes i wonder if anybody thinks of me....but of course i know the answer..no....nobody has room in their hearts for me....not even me......it might be nice if somebody did....but then again, id prolly hate it if the wrong person thought of me...im just never satisfied...should i be?

theres 2 people in the lab with me, yet the room feels so alone.......i feel so alone....

um..well here i am at work....again......yay *rolls eyes*....but it is better than being home...so i guess it is yay...hmm

first thing i did when i got here?.....talk about buffy with a coworker of course......haha...i was all laughing cos of the doublemeat palace...my side started to hurt......haha...oh well.....if it makes me laugh then its ok with me.......:P

well i guess i should start on my work.....dont worry, i will...

hm....this morning i listened to b52s again....i guess its just my mood lately....but its ok, it makes me all dance like....eee.....right now im listening to a mix cd that i made......currently it marianne faithful singing "song for nico"..my nico, who love.....see, others love her too....great song........

well i guess i better be going, more later

sometimes people tell you such nice sweet things that you feel all warm and yummy inside, however you realise that they prolly meant the comment in some other manner...not the way you take it....oh well

um....i guess i should be sleeping soon...soon

um...um....um....i guess thats it for now.....til whenever....la

Pulp - Like a Friend

Don't bother saying you're sorry
Why don't you come in
Smoke all my cigarettes again
Every time I get no further
How long has it been?
Come on in now, wipe your feet on my dreams
You take up my time
Like some cheap magazine
When I could have been learning something
Oh well, you know what I mean, oh
I've done this before
And I will do it again
Come on and kill me baby
While you smile like a friend
Oh and I'll come running
Just to do it again
You are the last drink I never should have drunk
You are the body hidden in the trunk
You are the habit I can't seem to kick
You are my secrets on the front page every week
You are the car I never should have bought
You are the dream I never should have caught
You are the cut that makes me hide my face
You are the party that makes me feel my age
Like a car crash I can see but I just can't avoid
Like a plane I've been told I never should board
Like a film that's so bad but I've got to stay till the end
Let me tell you now: it's lucky for you that we're friends.

and thats how i feel...thats me being honest...still like me?

(all this is being typed at around 8...me trying to me more honest..really.....hm.lets see what happens)

such a gas..haha...im watching some stupid south american tv show..and theyre riding ostriches....and the girl was all screaming....well you had to see it...mighty funny.

mmm....eating a cheap popcicle..haha..ok...interruption...another wrong number...arg!!!!..anyway, so im listening to some music and i try to lower it with the tv remote...ah...i hate that, too many remotes..haaha...ok back to subject, so im eating a purple flavored frozen treat..mmm...purple...haha....see, im trying hard not to be too negative..kinda hard..

ok so im listening to the b52s right now..."cosmic thing"...i love that album...all the songs, but i guess my least fav song on it would be "love shack"...figures....and my fav..that would be "deadbeat club".cos i belonged to it for too long...so if you can imagine, im all sing-a-long guy right not...*we'll dance in the garden in torn sheets in the rain...in the rain!!!...were the deadbeat club......*..this song is just to shibby!!!!....eating crackers cos theyre not too bad for you...*lets go crash that party down in normal town tonight*....*sigh* see, music is good therapy....*loooove shack!!!!!!* see, i wont be a meany and skip the song......i guess its not as bad as i made it out to be....now i want to get the best of album, but i prolly wont....

oh, so im eating crackers cos im all obsessed over my body....a little too obsessed....i hate it, caring too much, but thats how the world is....i just hope it doenst get out of control...with my history and all....*cries as he stuffs crackers in his mouth*.....ive got a pack of unopened cornnuts, but i wont eat them...yet...haha.....*ay ay ay* what am i gonna do with myself....

hm....yesterday was big brother 3...and i didnt remeber til right now....i guess i slept through it....haha....i guess i dont like it that much any way....oi

*june bug....june bug...june bug!!!!*

well earlier today i was going through one of my moods....i just keep going through different scenarios in my head on how to deal with my problem....should i just be bold and honest and say it out right....but i couldnt do that...but if the mood was right i would.....so anyway, my heart was all beaty and i was all ready to cardiac myself...haha...seriously, something is wrong with my damn heart...im just stressing myself out over stupid things...i guess im just not meant to love....it just drives me all wonky....and its not just love, im not meant to like peoples....you are driving me crazy...if you didnt know, im sure you do now.....and youre killing me....just cut me off...let me live....just say the words.....i wont protest....its for the best.....let me rest in peace....ok , enough of that....ill go crazy if i keep with it....but its YOU....blarg!!!!!! i think im gonna put new lyrics that say how i feel...maybe later....its gonna be "like a friend" by pulp...

*want a fanta, dont you wanna wanna fanta*..haha....oh that commercial drives me crazy, but a good crazy...haha

i hope i dont see computer guy tomorrow...he will just make me go all blank....i cant take it....oh computer guy, the other thorn in my heart.....ill just not come out of my room and i wont have to see him....I WILL DO WORK....i wont be distracted by him....between the both of them im just gonna fall to pieces....but of course i prefer the other....the other is dear to my heart and i already know him and know that i like...this one is just the eye candy...thats it...nothing....ok, enough of this....

dream time....ok well me and my crazy dreams..well the other night i had a dream in which i could talk...well i could, but my i would like mumble and others couldnt hear me....ive had these dreams before...eek.....ok, well last night i dreamt about mail....i couldnt carry all the mail...and it was windy...and also, that the computer guy was 35 years old(hes not!!!) and other things that i wont mention ;P...haha.....yes...weirddddddd

*topaz...our hearts are traveling faster....topaz...faster than the speed of light*

ok....i guess i should read or something...haha....ok more later....love ya!...yes you.

i just dont get it, whys he being so nice...maybe he just doesnt realise how i feel about him....or hes really good at pretending that nothing happen...sometimes being too vague is no good, then you dont know if they know what you want them to know...you know? i guess ill just wait and see what becomes.

the smiles were wonderful....it was like a world of smiles whilst i read the words....his wonderful words...and they did take me away from this...and i wasnt sad for a moment...and it was something that i wouldnt mind feeling all the time...but thats not possible...but i think he know...i hope he doesnt drag me too long....but then again, i dont mind being dragged by him....kill me while you smile like a friend.

mep, do you know?....sorry.......*meep*

ok..now i go to sleep...yes?

today was purty blah....woke up..ate...bummed around...watched buffy...took a nap..telly...saw a piece of "the lost boys" en espanol....bathed....watched more buffy.....so you see, blah!!!!!

2 more wrong numbers....gah!!! this number must have belonged to somebody popular...and now its mine....eh....

i think that i need to be hit with a reality stick cos i just cant trust my own eyes..or heart.

um....had a dream....people from work....puddle of water....my foot got stuck in it, and when i took it out my shoe stayed in the mud...cant remember the rest....hmmm

so bored that im watching the beastmaster show....well i guess its not all bad ;p....i guess i could watch it on mute...haha

i really need somebody to talk to cos ive just got alot of things happening....im just mighty confused...my minds all a clutter...my heart is blind....i dont know what to think....i read too much into everything...i see things that arent there...and im just gonna end up hurting myself...my heart...will just break....why must people be so complicated....why must i make everything so complicated....i try to be brave...confident, but i just cant...it will hurt....pain is bad....AGH!!!!!!!!!!!

i just...i um....i dont know what im gonna do....just dont know.....

mmmmeeeeppppp!!!!

well blog here is acting up...making me somewhat urgish...*urg*

im smiling...for now....but im telling you...it wont last...i wont let it....well maybe, but prolly not..

well i was reading some of my posts and i think to myself "how idiotic..." if i it wasnt my writing id think that whoever wrote it was some psycho flowery freak...um...well i guess that is right...haha...but still, sometimes it seems as if they were written by somebody who was remotely happy...and remotely funny...but i guess im remotely wrong...oh well.

well, 30 min til the library closed and guess who shows up....again....yep, that guy was back...again...on the same day....me thinks he wants me to have a heart attack or something....its gonna break my chest....so of course you know i got all...*swoon* and......um...its just bad....i just need to get over it, or else im never gonna get any work done....i think i can manage...but prolly not...

2 shibby bands on tv today....first was the b52's who were on the today show...but since i was at work i taped it cos i knew that they would be on....so i watched it and i was all *wah!!*...they did "love shack", "roam" and "rock lobster"...mighty good stuffs....and then on the news thingy they had the violent femmes...they were supporting the rerelease of their album...they did "kiss off"....so that was good too...

another wrong number on the cell....where do these peoples come from....

i love south american soap operas!!!!!!

i think somethings wrong with me cos i havent gotten any new music in a while....its just a whole world of wrongness....ill prolly end up ordering the david bowie 30th anniversary rerelease of the ziggy stardust and the spiders from mars 2cd....and preorder the rasputina remix ep.....so thats what ill prolly do.

i hate it when you just feel somewhat hungry, then you eat a lil something and you get buncha hungry...well that happened to me, a few hours ago i was feeling snacky so i had a banana, well that was a mistake, just made me all sorts of hungry....but i can wait til lunch tomorrow....wait wait wait

im tired....ok, thats all for now....buh bye...and thanks to those who read me and make me feel some what interesting(only a little bit) *hugs* to you all....ok now...bye.

right now im mighty hot....the boiling, not the bothered type......mighty mighty hot......hhhhhhhh!

well it happened again as i predicted.....he was my first customer...but nothing special happened.....i think what he does is chat cos i always see him typing and then spontaneous smiles...hes prolly chatting with some stupid person. i find it odd when people wear flip flops to nonbeachy places...specially a library.....hmm.....mayhaps he wants to flaunt his feet..woo. i hate it cos his arrival always throws my being out of loop...i work better while hes not here....im such a weirdo, if hes not here i complain and if hes here i complain.....just shoot me and get it over with...id be alot less pathetic...but still...i hate hunches.......but i gotta wonder..... *blip* *blip* *blip*

oh....i got a desk today..while its not new, its better than nothing...now im all with the roominess.....just call me roomie guy....now maybe next ill be pencil sharpener guy.....maybe..meep

ive got one old lady today, but thats ok cos shes the cute little one that doesnt bug me....i think shed be a shibby granny....very cute and little....puts a smile on my face :)

less than an hour to go.....woo......arg....its abnormally hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well i was listening to "kid a" by radiohead, but i had to stop cos of the old lady......now its all sorts of quiet...too quiet....somebody say "hi"........

ok til laters dear lovers

well hello lovers all zero of you..........<3

i think theres a curse or something.....if anybody sends me an email...they die......well there must be, cos nobodys a sending....well i guess you might die if you sent one and i wrote back and it was so boring that you killed yourself....hmm

on the way to work i heard "bizarre love triangle" i looooooooove that song....its one of my all time fav songs......its one of those drop everything and zone out songs.....dance around in your space songs.....sadness draining songs....just mighty mighy shibby.

listening to morrissey right now cos im in a depresso music mood....plus i get to hear "used to be a sweet boy"!!!!!!!! my song!!! hm...dont know if thats such a good thing

only one thing will put a smile on my face today, and we all know what..or who that is.....hm...library doesnt open til 1....i guess i can wait a few hours....of course im gonna be mighty sad if i dont see those eyes.

the fucking internet is making me bonkers.....im trying to research a stupid school and none of the links work!!!!!!!!!! i hate it here!!!!!!! not the library, just here in general.

well i guess ill get back to my day....pretend to be somewhat happy with my somewhat smiley mask...but be crying inside....*used to be a sweet boy......im not to blame......* *sigh*

um....my eyes hurt.....something always hurts....blah

ummmmm....work work work....

i hope things go better at work today....but prolly not....

head hurts....thats all....ow

listening to moby "play".....song 3 and 4 are the bestest....i can listen to those 2 over and over.........*sigh*

the current pic is so messed up....haha.....im on crack or something.....hehe

i feel like i have a huge weight all over me.....especially my heart.....its drowning it.....the life is leaving me body......but thats ok

ive become a blog reading addict....its something to pass the time.......

*why does my heart.....feel so bad........why does my soul....feel so bad*

*sadsadsadmightysadnesssad*

um...just here in the lab...only one person in here...hes here every day!!!!!!!!!!

my back has been hurting all day.....so im all sitting at an angle...MY BACK HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

well today around 11 i had to cover in periodicals whilst the lady went away for a few minutes...guess who the first person i got was....it was that guy....so i was all *eek*.......so i was all like hello and took his card and signed him in....and that was it....i guess it was just another false alarm....*sigh*....but that was very strange.....him coming in as soon as i took over......weird...i think some higher being is taunting me. isnt me having to live as me enough?.....no....so i guess that was the end of that....but ill prolly have to see him everyday still....moo.......im just gonna go home and listen to my most depressive music(most of my collection) and cry forever and ever.....and ever.. :'(

i wish that atleast once id be able to write something interesting or exciting........but til then i guess the most exciting thing that youll see me write is something like "the computer froze today and i unfroze it...woo".....*sigh*

had pbh for lunch again...no chippies today

ive been lazy and not reading much.....meh

*i think i thought i saw you cry*....thats for "you"

eek!!!! 2 weird trailerish people......eek!!!.....eek

one of the ladies has made me into a "gopher".....oh well, atleast im being useful

eek!!!!!! had to help scary trailerish people....eek

this morning i slept 5 hours....chat is evil!...shibby but evil

im odd, no? me and my 1 line paragraphs.....

i know i know im an idiotic moron.....dont remind me...

i guess i dress all in black for a reason...

one of these days ill get to assist that special person....ill be waiting in my cell.............................wait wait.........wait.

blarg

um....not in the mood to blah...anyways, nothing really happened...so eh....

well i seem to be somewhat better.....not from the foot thing, that was over eons ago...but mentally.....during lunch i was just so down...i dont know why.....i really was, i was like on cry at any moment watch....i just dont know why i get like that...life just catches up with you..i was ready to buy all the junk food from the vending machine and eat it all with no regrets.....the reality sinks in...just the realization of everything...your inadiquecy...your oddness....your inability to meld with the populous.....your loneliness.....your less than evenful life.....your disinterest in most people...your disinterest in yourself....your ongoing war with yourself.....yourself........me........me.......me.......me......me....but then it faded for a while....when i went up to my section after lunch....and i saw him.....the computer guy from last time......the one that is there regulary....mental prozak is what it was....our eyes would meet occastionaly and it would be like an arrow hitting me....*bang* ...but to see him, i would have to stay behind the counter at the periodicals.......well i cant do my work from there so i had to go to my room.....but i was there at the periodicals for like 30 min......from my room i could only watch his back and dangling legs(was on a high chair)...there was something odd though....before he left, he moved to another computer...one that was facing my room....he was there for like 1 min......maybe its just me, but i thought that it was odd.......and now im somewhat normal again....well for me atleast.......back to my tribulation.....well to add to everything, all the supplies that i need to do my stuffs is like out....theres none....they didnt think to order any...so im just ready to scream or something.....throw myself off the stairs...today has just not been my day

my moods are such weird things....right now im ok so my writing is all mellow......but if id written while going through all my trauma...it wouldve all been.."i fucking hate this and fuck the world and fuck you you fucking fuckers." :)

hmm....theres this guy on a computer and he has a key strap thingy with the words "i heart jesus"...and im thinking, those are the ones you have to watch your back from.....*rolls eyes*

theres gonna be a stupid company picnic thingy....and theyre all like "are you going".....me: "nooooooo" them: "why not? well have a veggie platter for you and everything hehe" me thinking: "fucking bastards!!!! cant leave it alone can you" me: "no".

well, i always dress in drab colors...blue, grey brown, black, etc...and i always have my black sweater on......buttoned......so today i wore a blue shirt with brown and orange stripes..and my sweater was open.....so this girl was all like....you look different...is this the first time you wear color?...*rolls eyes again* sometimes it feels like everybody is out to get you....and nobody is on your side....i guess for me thats true....and people wonder why im so paranoid....i should just wear black every day....also i was in the office talking to the lady and she was all like "do you dye your hair?" i felt like saying "duh you fucking idiot...cant you see me long roots?" *AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

this just in: ahh....a smile....and its me smiling...well a lady in the lab just told me that i do a better job than the guy whose lunch i cover for.... :) and it just hit me....maybe the whole world isnt evil......maybe im the evil one.......maybe im just all wrong....everything about me is wrong...im mentally wrong, physically wrong, spiritually wrong, everything wrong....and its this wrongness that prevents me from noticing anything good in the world.

so in conclusion - bad things today: 1,000,000,000 - good things today: 1

anybody out there wanna give me a back rub or something and make me feel better? j/k....ive learned to live with it....well somewhat at least.

i thought that coming in one hour later would be better, but the sun was just mighty bright.....i was all like *hiss* but oh well

wow, i went to sleep earlier this morning...wah

whilst climbing down the stairs right now my foot went all *woo* so now im all ow........but i am determined to keep using the stairs....i will

well i guess im gonna attempt to repair some scrapbooks...blarg

*ow* foot hurts....thats what i get for talking about falling down stairs with a coworker..

well thats all for now.....meh

urg....im mighty mighty tired....ive been tired all day....whilst coming home from work i was all falling asleep...i think ill be going to be early...for real this time

well later today i dont have to work 9 hours JUST 8....woo

there was a wonderful full moon tonight....but i didnt go out to see it like i usually do....dunno....too tired...

buffy!!!!! well anyway, shes on the current issue of cosmo...i think they like added some meat on her lil figure...really, she looks all curvey and such..but shes buffy, she can do whatever she wants....anyway, its was mighty funny when dawn said that eating the burger was like having a meat party in her mouth...and then she was all like...that didnt come out right...hehe. :p

my moms so silly cos she has to sneak food to the stray cat cos my dad wont hear of feeding her...but of course we do any way...haha

well i guess thats it....til we meet again

right now i feel all....spacey....mayhaps its the drpepper talking...er...rearing its ugly head...or something...

today was all purty and such with the sky being all cloudish and storm like...mighty beautiful...it filled me with awe....and it was all rainy and just..just....wah

today has been mostly work and music....but there was about an hour in which i deviated from my work mind set and got a case of lazyitus.....at 5 im gonna have to cover for somebody in the reference section...scary!!!!!!!!! im gonna be all like..*duhhh* i dunno....um..i dont work here....hehehe.....its weird, but yesterday i was talking about me being fluently unfluent in spanish and then today we had to deal with a spanish speaker....and i had to be the translator cos the other guy that was there didnt know any spanish at all...so i was all like..un momento por favor...um....si....taco bell......hehe.....jk it was ok, i was able to handle the situation...im such a kook. :p

but seriously, right now im all....*bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz* not sleepy, but just *bzzzzzzzzzzzz*

i think i need to relearn how to climb stairs cos whenever i do i just sound so loud.....im like a horse or something...all clomp clomp clomp...either that or a fat cow.........moo

i think the reason that i type all stupidly with all the stuidish words is cos if i didnt my blog would look like this "blah blah blah blah blah" but with all my made up words and stupidly typed words it looks like this "blah blahbity blahish blah floweryblah blblblah *blah* and all sorts of blahish blah" see, makes it look interesting....or atleast more purty...and it amuses me..so eh

tonight is buffy..so im all *yay* and tomorrow is buffy so im all like *uber yay* but im all like *antiyay* to the news that next season is the last season of buffy *cries nooooooooo!!!!!!!!* :(

im thinking thats all....um...yes....thats all......fly away.

and so another day starts.....woo

well, mayhaps its wont be such a bad day, i got to hear depeche mode and old madonna on the radio whilst coming to work...so that was good...plus blondie right now....meep

nobody gets here on time, im like the only worker that gets here on time, the others are non employees and such

i guess im ready for a full day of work work work....

sometimes i write such crazy emails....and im all like...should i send it...should i....and then i just quickly press the send button and thats that..no turning back....and then im all like...im such a doof...but i guess you gotta do something....or youll just end up being nothing....i think im on crack...blag

well today im gonna have a fat day.....fat music that is.....ive brought "fat music for fat people" vol. 2-4 so im gonna listen to those and it will be good...i didnt bring vol 1 cos its too short..speaking of which, i shouldve brough short music for short people....hmm forgot about that one......oh well....fat punk is so shibby.......

ok, thats all for now......more laters....woo

You are Tsukino Usagi

You are love food, boys, shopping, and hanging out with your friends. You tend to cry when things get too hard, and have trouble doing things right the first time. You probably need to study a little harder. Your faith in the basic goodness of all people keeps you on the right track, even when others don't see it.

Take the "What Magic Girl are you?" Quiz

urggggggggggggg!!! so much work!!!!!!!!!!!! its not really hard work, just basic anybody can do stuffs, but so much of it!!!!!!!!!!...go through all the files and replace folders, only have 20-25 articles in each, add folders, label all folders......ive only done one drawer.....eek....replace 6 old scrap books with new scrap books and theyre all falling apart and stuff.....eek.....well, if i dont panic and go all wonky i should be able to get alot done in 2 weeks....hopefully if the old ladies dont bug that is.....gah...i was in such a hurry that i wasnt able to get a book or anything to take to the lab...now im here all blah.....mah head hurts..

well today i had some pbh for lunch instead of my regular hot fries....i guess thats good...or something

been listening to alot of screeching weasel..but also velvet underground, bouncing souls, morrissey, and i dunno what else...my mind is to far gone....*sigh*

i guess thats all.....my mind is just.......

here at work so early in the morning....it should be outlawed.....

listening to bjork..vespertine......wah

dont worry, ill start working......soon..hehehe

i had a nightmare in which jennifer garner was gonna replace sarah michelle gellar as buffy.....gah..it was mighty scary...i wont be able to sleep tonight...jk

its kinda hot..hhhhhhh

um...ill write more laters......k....la

to sleep i go....yes yes to sleep i go...

umm.....well yesterday i didnt go to sleep til 7 cos i was chatting with tim(mighty bad influence on me)...i know i know, i should be asleep before the birds start chirping...so i didnt wake up til 130...then i ate...started reading one book, but then decided to read a shorter book to no avail, i got sleepy and took a nap around 4..didnt wake til 7....watched some telly, talked to 2 of my somewhat friends...one of them wanted to lend me a harry potter book and the dvd, but i told her that mayhaps later cos i already had 8 library books out...then i talked to her boyfriend...conversation consisted mostely of ums and yess and some more ummsss...but hes so funny cos he wants me to find him a job...hello, it took me like a year and half to find myself one...but theyre good peoples, mayhaps theyll visit me at work again...then i watched more telly...that was my day...blah.

work today and tomorrow and tomorrow and so on....meh

today i listened to blur, smashing pumpkins, and sheila chandra....no belly dancing urges this time...but i did do a bit of jerky movements that wouldnt pass as dancing....its was like the elaine dance(from seinfeld)...sometimes i amuse myself too much..

im gonna have to change my work lunch meal, cos hotfries just isnt cutting it...ill prolly start eating pb...yum...

i am mighty craving a raspa right now....i want a watermelon flavored raspa...now!!!!!!...or whenever...

well today is another day to start the hunt....maybe today....but prolly not....oh well....just like the lyrics say...itll happen some day..

ok, thats all...til later.....lovekisshugstab..bye

im gonna go to japan one of these days...or years...or decades....well...i wanna go...

colored eyes are purty...

ok, thats all....more tomorrow....lalala

today i read "the metamorphosis" by franz kafka....mighty short book...well it is only a short story....mighty good read...well if you know what youre getting into...guy wakes up...guy finds out hes a giant bug...he becomes a burden to family...bug gets sick and dies of hunger...anyway, he became a bug cos his life was just one big slump...and his family was in a slump, but with his incapacitation his family had to metamorphosis as well...into capable people...so he sacrificed himself to better their lives....um..yes

thats my life....reading a book on a saturday night...woo...the excitement is gonna kill me...

the bombardment of hollywood.....maybe if i was braindead i wouldnt need an umbrella...um...or something like that.

um...when i got home and ate my veggie burgers i just drifted into sleepy time...i hate when i do that cos then when i awaken im all zombie... but meh

um...so i did get to talk to boss man and so now ive got stuffs to do whilst hes gone...blah....im gonna have to work with the book restorer..shes this evil old lady...mighty evil....every other word out of her mouth is a swear....she was all like "im not gonna be pleasant to work with"...so i was all like *gasp*....and then she threatened to bring me a raw chicken.....well, working with her should be a blast...fun will be had by all....

well, ive been given 4 more hours a week...so now ive gotta make those up by tue..so that means that mon and tue im gonna have to be over there for 10 hours....gah....im all yawning just thinking about it...

no purty person report today.....

just finished watching dragon ball z en espanol...woo

oh yeah, i changed the title of the page...

the mirror makes me wanna cry

my bed scares me, i know its gonna fall whilst i sleep or something...

um....im guessing that im done....um...yes....ok til whenever....

the blog is my aquarium...im the fish....people look in...its ok...sometimes something as mundane as watching a little fishy can be relaxing and or entertaining...and its ok...feed me little messages...i eat them up...just dont tap the glass....i might hide behind the little plastic tree...but its ok...ill still be here doing my little fishy things and living my fishy way...and its ok.

well here i am waiting for the boss man....hes going for vacation for 2 weeks starting monday and hes gotta tell me what to do or else im just gonna be a potato for those 2 weeks....*sigh*...im already all potatoie at home...i dont want to be at work too....well anymore than i already am.....

listening to radioheads "how to disappear completely" over and over and over and over.....its my depresso song....*im not here..this isnt happening*.....i just love it, mayhaps itll be the next lyric of the moment.

ive still got buffy on the brain from last night....poor spike.....poor anya....poor buffy.....poor tara.....those are my fav four

gah.....my hair....it seems that ive been finding a new way to wear it everyday....well anything to keep it down

im feeling all sorts of loneliness......

lately ive been more confident or something...more open...somewhat more honest.....more the real me......so id like to send a thank you thousands of miles away to tim...thank you tim for helping me :) even though im mighty annoying....

ok, thats all......more later.

umm....well, i finished one of the books that i checked out today...was really short...just took me about an hour thirty...but i liked it....it was "weetzie bat" by francesca lia block....anyway, its really cute and a quick read...its about a punk girl named weetzie bat and her best friend who is a gay punk named dirk and her boyfriend and his boyfriend and their children and their dogs...its a sorta fairytale(not the tori song)...has peoples with weird names, a genie and some witches....its book 1 in a series of 5...and its cute how they call guys "ducks"...she and dirk want themselves a duck...and she says stuff like "lanky lizards!" haha...its too cute...but also sad and has serious themes like aids and death...its kinda silly, but i still recomend.

watched 3 buffys today with my mum...well im so bad, cos i addicted her to it...haha....but its all good, when it comes to buffy, its always good....

im still debating about my hair...let it grow?...cut it short?...dye it jet black?...bleach it?...do nothing?....arg

well today i got another unknown cell phone call...well i didnt hear it cos it was in my locker, but it said 1 missed message...hmm weird...

screeching child at work today gave much aches to head...one of the ladies that works there told the mother to keep the child quiet, and the mother said "give me some tape and ill put it on his mouth"....talk about evil....thats why idiot people shouldnt reproduce..

the water tastes icky...blah

white grape and peach juice is mighty yummy

i heart emails from my friends...*glee*

i guess thats all....til later..or whatever....woo

well i was gonna write before lunch, but i had to cover the periodicals.....so now here i am...

well earlier i was listening to nick cave...but now velvet underground.....hmm

well you know how crazy i am.......i checked out 4 more books....so thats a total of 8!!!!!!! *gasp* well the 4 from today are just short little young adult books....shouldnt take long to finish them.....well i was looking at amazon and searching for books that might interest, so i came across an author....so i got 4 of her books.....well, we will see if they are good....hope so.....woo

*sings*

im waiting for my man....hes never early hes always late....first thing you learn is that youve always gotta wait.....

*done singing*

oh, thats just me singing about drug dealers......

today or tomorrow i might help the tech peoples move some stuffs....

i wonder if my job will last after aug 31......i wonder.......i get paid today...so *yay*

i dunno why, but im feeling somewhat unsad(not happy, just unsad) right now...weird.....

OHHHHH.......a nico song!!!!!!!!!

*sings again*

its not hard the realise....just look into her false colored eyes...she'll build you up to just put you down....what a clown.....cos everybody knows(shes a femme fatale)...the things she does to please(shes a femme fatale).....shes just a little tease(shes a femme fatale).....she the way she walks...hear the way she talks......

*ok..ok...ill stop*

um...i love nico!!!!!!!!!!! but you already know that.....and you know that the title of my blog was taken from the velvet underground song that nico sings....which incidently is on this disk....woo.

dunno, im just in a singsong mood....

oh yeah oh yeah.....i remembered something shibby......ok well i was in the library book store and guess what i saw!!!! it was a romance novel....written in japanese!!!!!!! but you can tell its romance cos of the pic of a guy and girl on the cover....but i just thought that it was mighty shibby.....i would have gotten it if had been something that i could use, but theres no pics or anything in the book..so bah.....but still....weird....yay to books written in japanese.

ok, done for now.....more later..perhaps.

um....well ive been listening to the new tori amos song over and over and over trying to get the feel of it.....the verdict is in, i like it much....its funny cos her new album isnt supposed to come out til october but somebody leaked the first single...but whatre you gonna do?...well of course her new album is gonna be a must buy...well...til then

well, today my eyes were working overtime, watching 3 things at the same time...i was watching buffy(of course), big brother 3, and the movie "the royal tenenbaums"...it such a shibby movie...great movie + great soundtrack...it has 2 nico songs(always wonderful), velvet underground, the ramones, the clash....its just shibby all around...the guy at work lent me the dvd....mighty good...of course it made me weepy, but then again..what doesnt....

whilst outside looking for the moon i spotted mah stray cat...so i was all like "wah" so i called her and she came running to me and i carried her and hugged her...went in the house and cut her 2 chunks of turkey ham(with permission from my mom of course) and gave them to her...i love her...shes one of the few things that i can actually say that i love...she always puts a smile on my face.....i just love my nameless stray cat..

um....i hate my hair....whats new

i know being a little odd is good, but am i too odd....who me?...no..hehehe

spam mail is killing me...

i hate the fact that im a slave to my thoughts...my never ending thinking....my image deforming thoughts..bah

pay day....yay...see there, it rhymes....

i think i should change the title of my blog to "psycho boi who works in a library and has many many much psycho thoughts and annoys people and never shuts up about purty people and old ladies and has hot fries for lunch and uses words like "mighty" way too much....and he is psycho....and he uses elipses incorrectly...and his life is boring and he is obsessed with music lyrics and nico and is always bitching about being alone...and mullet girls and other fucked up shit...and he is psycho" um...that about covers it, no?

um...i guess thats all...later

im hungry....well its almost time to go home anyway.....i guess thats what happens when you have hot fries for lunch..

i helped a guy in the periodicals...its not my section, but sometimes i just hang around...so he wanted to use a computer....i signed him up.....then he used the computer right in front of me....he was there for a short while....nice view...of the scenery *wink wink*.....im hopeless....i know i know.....btw, im listening to bouncing souls "hopeless romatic" its a mighty shibby album...i think its their best......love um

well ive started yet another book, ive discarded the other 2 i had......unreadable....well to me anyway....ive already read 33 pages in this one and im still interested, so thats a good sign......its called "soft!" and its by rupert thomson....so thats that.

lab was ok today..nothing or nobody out of the ordinary....it was fun in tech, cos i had people to talk to.....now here i am.....alone....

*sings*
Is it true when we get old our hearts die?
I heard it in a movie once and i think i know why
life it sucks so bad it makes you wanna die
Whoooaaa but you get by
Life goes by

i love that song......its called "kid" by the bouncing souls...its whats on right now.....the whole albums....mighty mighty awesome, notice, i used two mighties.....

well i guess its time to go.......buh bye.

well i did my good deed of the day...during lunch i was looking for some books....and well this guy asked for help...and me being the mighy nice angel boy that i am helped him.....i had seen him and his girlfriend enter the library...and i guess he had seen me exit the employee area, cos whilst i was eyeing the books he asked if i worked here...maybe if his girlfriend, who had left his side, had asked for help i might have said "sorry im on lunch" ;) just kidding...i would have helped her too...but i didnt mind helping her purty boyfriend....and then when they were together he asked for my help again....so of course i did......yes i know me, im one in a million....i wanted to check out "1984" but it was out.....arg....thats one of the books that i shouldve read, but never read, so now i want to just cos its one of "those" books...2 other books that i should read, and did check out are "catch 22"(which i checked out a while back, but didnt read) and "metamorphosis"(sp?)...and i already read "catcher in the rye"......so thats one book down...a few more to go...sometimes i have the weirdest mind set....hmm

listening to screeching weasel...earlier i heard some bouncing souls....i used to love them mighty much....but there last album was more listener friendly...but i still love em..plus theyre a bunch of cuties...gah, im starting to sound like those blink 182 weeny boppers... :P but bouncing souls will always have a place in my heart...their music just makes me float...make me wanna be punk again.....as does screeching weasel.....it just saddens me, cos i look at the current state of the so called "punk" music..and its really sad....but ill always have these records to bring back memories

whilst helping a coworker scold a patron for drinking some soda in the library we passed a study room and i saw the yummy person from the other day....the vanishing one, so now im all like *sigh* but thats all...nothing more to that.

a bunch of my coworkers are fucking morons, they keep calling me "ladies man" just cos those stupid historical society old ladies are always bugging me..."ladies me" i dont think so......idiots...well....nice idiots....but still, i shouldve made them inhale some mold or something with some of these old newspapers.

during lunch i also talked to that girl with the child...she reminds me of a girl from my last job that i liked...hmm....but...........

in a while im gonna go help the tech people....cos im so nice of course....i could either offer to help them or just sit here for 3 hours...id rather help.

ok, more later after i get out of the lab or whilst in the lab......dunno....

well here i am once again...

today i made sure to bring several punk cds.......i brought 3 more screeching weasel, 2 bouncing souls, and krupted peasant farmerz.....ill do the mini mosh in my chair.

just spent 30 min discuss television with one of my coworkers....reality shows, games shows and the much wonderful buffy...

today im not as tired as yesterday.....then again, i did get to have 2 extra hours of sleep....more sleep=less zombish

dont think theres gonna be any rain today, but there are still purty fluffy clouds in the sky....after the moon, clouds are my second fav......and nothing beats moon+drifting clouds...wah

they are always giving social distortion on the punk net radio....i like them and all, but they play them too much....and theyre also always giving that "emi" song......anyways.

um.....i guess thats all for now......ill write more later....if i dont combust or anything.....moo

sometimes you want to do something really bad, your heart wants you to do it, your every cell wants you to do it, but doing it would just be killing what is already dead....all you do is end up hurting yourself...so its really no good to anybody, but youll always have that little thought in your mind....what if?....maybe?....just one more try....dwell or move on......

what is more important...pleasure or normacy.....do you want something that pleases you, but seems outlandish and unacceptable to the populace...or just play by the book...how it should be, maybe youre not happy, but its normal, and youll survive...as long as everybody else is happy....i guess you can learn to be happy...

just here in the dark listening to the queers...when i saw them at a concert they played some screeching weasel songs, so i was all like "woo"...anyway, the queers are mighty good...

i think its national friendship week or something like that....huh

oh buffy....you know spike is perfect for you....perfect couple...why you gotta do him wrong....he just wants to be loved....poor spike...and xander, i hate you.....gah.....hmmm...more buffy goodness tonight...woo

now, i havent complained about this in a long time...so here i go....russell crowe is STILL in the brenda starr comic...agghhh!!!!! get rid of him already.....like right now.....go on....git....

ok, thats all for now....sleepy sleepish sleep...huh.....buh bye......

*sigh*...gotta start of with the sigh.......ok, done

no old ladies today.....the quiet was strange.

today i had to drink my drpepper early cos i was feeling mighty zombish....but it hurt my stomach, note to self, dont drink soda so early in the morning...but now im fine i guess...talked to a coworker during lunch...lent her a quarter.....i think shes a great person, but you gotta watch out for those with kids, she has one, is divorced and shes only my age....urg...plus, she has a questionable music taste..but still, im sure she would do...but no....keep searching....but that doesnt mean i cant be nice.

saw 2 pretty boys.....with two somewhat ok girls(seperate groups, not a foursome).....and they were all cuddy and lovey dovey....sick really, it shouldve been me in the arms...but no, i just watched from my glass cage....it just reminds me what im missing....*cries*

today the lab was full...and not a looker in the lot.....2 regulars that are there every single day...i guess they live here or something.....and mullet girl was there too...no day is complete without mullet girl......and a bunch of misc peoples.

more cake today.....ANOTHER birthday....let them eat their cake.

well anyway, in the morning whilst feeling all sleepish i decided to listen to screeching weasel, right choice....it perked me right up......i love them, just sad cos theyre defunct...i guess i have my sister to thank for always having it blaring years ago.....i just wish that i had brought more than just one of their albums....also listened to moby, tori amos, david bowie, cranes, lou reed, belly, the strokes, sigur ros, and now listening to cocteau twins....love music!!!!!!!!!!

dead bird was taken away today......i suggested that we have dead bird funerals....they just stared.....stupid peoples.

hm.....pretty boy in viewing distance...gah....why doesnt he just take the magazine and sit down, no...he has to read it standing up....some people....now hes chosen another....and still no sitting of the body...*i make a great voyeur* ...third magazine...still standing.....*sends psychic messages*....ok he sat, but...now i can only see his back.....oh well.

i wonder what ill do tomorrow....mayhaps help the technicals....or just rearrange.....again....

almost time....just 15 more min....woo

and hes gone........oh wait, hes back.......still eyeing the magazines...and no, hes done for the day......gone..gone.........gone.......

ok well thats it for my min by min break down.....

til the laters...yes i said til the laters.....ok tata

well here i am.....listening to the strokes....the song "is this it" and well, thats pretty much what im feeling right now......is this it....is that all there is........the malady lingers on...i feel another sighful day. just 10 more hours and then i can go home...woo

nothing more to say.

um....dont have much to say right now...um....

i think im addicted to water...haha...really

i think my bed keeps breaking cos im too fat...mayhaps...fat ol cow...moo

hmm....9 hour work day...woo

the family went to bed at 8...so here i am...or was...left to my aloneliness....the void....just me in the world...anyway

the rain seems to elude us....oh well, who wanted rain anyway.....ME!!!!!!!!!

me thinks thats all for now....i guess it might be sleepy time....ok til we meet again...or something like that...

the clouds look mighty beautiful right now.....theyre all just wild and puffy and cloudy and just great.....i can look at them for a long time and just lose myself....just fantastic.

outside my glass cage is a dead bird body....poor birdy, atleast i wasnt here when it smashed into the window...but still, nobody ever comes and takes the birdy bodies...it always takes them a long time...

i dont feel as crazy anymore, but now im feeling all empty and just sighish....i need some arms to hug me, but not just any arms, the arms of the "one" but i guess first i must find the "one"....oh well....

earlier i was listening to depeche mode....but that just made me sad....and i was interupted by the old lady, so i had to quit listening to it.....now im listening to david bowie...the one that melted in my dream......i was also listening to it before i came to work.....and my bed fell again...so i had to fix that...sometimes i feel like its just me in the world....im just alone and its just me....i just float through life....and everywhere i look, its just empty.....just me walking through the house, streets, etc..alone....no life in sight....and its quiet..the only noise is mine....and its just sad...."heathen" is such a great album....everybody...buy it now!!!!!!!!! but my fav song is on the bonus disk...so buy the 2 disk limited version....im such a weirdo, i burned the cd just so that i could have both disks on one cd....but thats ok, now i wont have to bother the other 2 cds....and they wont melt..haha.....anyway....im so strange, notice how in this paragraph i went from one subject to another to another without warning.....no, i dont have a goldfish attention span, its just how my thoughts flow....ive a good memory i do..like an elephant....seriously....

ok...well its almost time for me to go home.......and no more sightings of pretty guy.... :( but atleast i was able to have a smile for a few seconds, thats all that matters.......ok, thats all for now, buh bye.......

*sigh* today ive been all out of sorts....i just feel all ugh or something like that...i cant describe it. i just want to run outta my skin or scream or yell or just explode...and i feel all hot, and not the good hot, the bad boiling hot..and the rooms are stuffy and mayhaps im just going bonkers..im very uncomfortable...eek

todays lunch was 3 peanut butter and honey sandwiches.....yummy...

a few minutes ago i saw a pretty person walk into the library, but then vanished...i was hoping maybe in the lab, but no.....just vanished...oh well.

ok, time for dream rememberance....well in my dream were both people for high school and college....at my house....um....i was singing out loud to some people...i was singing "deadbeat club" by the b52's....dunno why, but i was.....also, there was this couch and this guy from college and i were both laying in it....well it wasnt a couch, it was a lazy boy or something...so we were moving around trying to fit on it...i think we might have been wrestling... :) but then he left....and thats all i remember....hmmmm

ive just had to deal with one old lady today.....so thats kinda good..otherwise i would have gone running and screaming cos they would all have been breathing my air in that stuffy room......i just cant shake it off, i just feel all icky...uggy.....and my hair!!! i cant stand it....i need to get a hair cut or something...i just cant do anything with it....thats why you can only either have it short or long..not inbetween....thats why i had it long, but it was all messed up,so i cut it for the job....now its all ugg....and im out of the gel that i like so i had to use this other uggy one and now im all like "AHHHH!!!!!!!" oh how i suffer..haha.....and my roots are showing and im gonna scream and go running..haha.....i think im losing it.....well, just less than 2 hours left....ill survive..

*heart jumps* pretty person just walked by my glass cage...and it put me at ease for a moment....but he pulled off another vanishing act....i should leave the lab unattended and go assist..but ............i wont....cos i am me...oh well, mayhaps next time.

ok, thats all for now....tata

here are a bunch of quizzyz cos i havent put any up lately...so there...ha

Total slaughter....total slaughter...

Find out what anime bad boy you are.

Weirdo!

Find out what anime girl you are.

The cat in the background of Trigun.

Find out what secondary animated character you are.

Cutey

Find out what bishonen you are.

HAHAHAHA

Find out what anime character cliche you are.

Genius

Find out what anime character cliche you are.

*meow*


What fuzzy creature are you?

hm...flood warnings all around, wonder if itll rain much...hope so...but not too much...just enough.

i spent most of today napping...thats me, nap nap nap...well anyway, before slumbering i put the new david bowie in and played in on random repeat all...so it was just going and going...so whilst sleeping i had this weird dream that the david bowie cd had melted from so much playing...so i took it out and it was all droopy....dunno, me and my weird dreams...but once i woke, it was all fine and dandy.

i was looking at my cell phone and it said that i had 1 missed call...weird, cos nobody really knows my new number..and it was a number that i didnt know...usually if i dont know the number i wont answer...but the strange thing is that it didnt wake me up when it rang...good thing...cos it was at 8 in the morning...so eh.

isnt it weird when you crave strange things?...well it wasnt that strange, but today i had a peanut butter, honey and banana sandwich for supper..i guess youve gotta be inventive when you eat the same things over and over....if i didnt eat honey id be able to call myself vegan, but since i need the honey to make the peanut butter somewhat tolerable ill settle for just being vegetarian...anyway, its all good...

um...i guess thats all...meh..

well i got a web cam...a cheap one, but itll do....ive got no special plans for it yet, but ill prolly just take stupid pics and put them up...mayhaps....just stupid things.

i called one of my acquaintances today and gave her my new cell number...talked about an hour...i wasnt dancing or anything, but it was alright i guess....i still have to call a few people...dunno when....also, dunno why, its not as if they ever call anyway...

i always have the weirdest meals...today i had my rice and potato salad, 4 blow pops, a banana, some cornnuts, and some chippys..and yet, i always come out feeling like ive eaten too much..my brains just crazy.

i am "g the conversation slayer" avoid conversations with me if you want fun and exciting verbiage...

i guess thats all for today...buh bye...

um...my bed fell...oh well

gah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well, where do i start..eek

ok well today i actually had lunch...i had 2 vegetable sandwiches....yes......it was wheat bread with lettuce, tomato, avocado, and pickles....and they were mighty tasty i might add....of course im the weirdo of the library, but thats alright with me.

the historical meeting.....o...my....buddha......it was horrible....it was me in a room full of 30 age challenged individuals....to my friend, that would have been hell(he hates old folk)...i was in there for 3 hours!!!!!!!..now, i dont have old folk, but those only so much that interests us both...i dont care about garden clubs and such....and, old people make me sad...life is withering away.....i had to wear one of those "hello my name is____" thingies....and i had to say my name in the microphone....im cursed i say...CURSED!!!! oh well, i should rest up for next months meeting.

well today i saw 3 people that i knew from college...so that was nice.

ok well im still shuddering, so thats it for now.

well here we are again...well, ive been informed that i am to attend the historical society meeting today(1-5)...ie...hang out with the old folk....i think im being punished or something for being me.......*sigh*

i think that one of my friends got interviewed yesterday for some technical position here in the library....i saw him yesterday through my glass cage, but didnt get to talk to him.....he was dressed, so i assumed that he was here for an interview...and now i heard that a guy with web designing experience got interviewed, so i know that im right....well i hope he gets it, he needs a job, and i need somebody to bug...er..i mean hang out with.....hehe

you know its friday when i arrive wearing my grayishgreen pants...haha...well, friday you can wear jeans, so i these are some type of jeanishness...well, i get away with it..so its ok.....woo

MY HAIR!!!!!!!!!! i just dont know....i have a little boy hair style right now...

oh well....more later.......if i escape the society meeting alive.

sometimes you read or see something that just reminds you that everything you do is so insignificant in the great scheme of life...you have to see the big picture...and it just makes one sad...its near the end, but its never too late..the time is now...take action..{click to learn about our national forests}

"planet earth is blue and theres nothing i can do"

i just heart seinfeld...mighty funny

well today i finished reading the harry potter book...i guess it was ok...well atleast now i know what is what and who is who and this and that and blah blah blah.

i guess its time to say goodbye to mah old cell phone...*waves goodbye* well today when i got home it turned out that my sister had already gotten her new cell and there was a sale or something...buy one get one...so there it was, a new cell phony for me...now i have to learn a new number...i was just getting used to my number...grah!!! and its one of those tiny tiny phones...im gonna miss my goliath old green celly....i dont like change...oh well.....now i have to give "all" the people my new number..."all" is like 3 people or so....oh well.

i guess thats all...buh bye....

listening to: cocteau twins "spangle maker"

well......today i went all out and had hot fries AND hot peanuts...im on fire now....wah

listening to cocteau twins right now...*sings* "is the spangle maker...." mighty good...the song that is, not my singing

i dont like my hair today...im always in a hurry in the morning, so i usually have a different hair style everyday....anyway, i think its all blah.

well, ive got an hour til "THEY" get back.....*shudders* eek.

on a silly note, yesterday the old man thought that the computer speaker was a pencil sharpener....that silly goose.

mmok i guess thats it for now....

*sigh* well once again..here i am waiting for the old ladies......*sigh*

i need to stop putting a bunch of stupid stuffs in here.

if i have to hear anymore about julia roberts then im gonna have to stab somebody with a toothbrush...

i need to change my desktop pic...its been james dean since i had my brief obsession about 1 month ago, well, i still think hes shibby, but not as much as i did about a month ago...hmm...dunno whatll be next, maybe nico again...its always nico..love her!!!!!!

ok well msn is driving me all crackery...it keeps signing in and out...like over and over and over....grah

im feeling all sorts of sore all over...arms and legs...remind me not to carry boxes down stairs any more...i wish i had somebody to massage my aching body...*hint hint* anybody?

well, for supper i had 2 veggie burgers with some potato salad and corn chips...sounds delicious..no? well it was mighty yummers.

i think that i need to practice smiling cos whenever i smile it looks uber stupid....mayhaps a book on smiling..or maybe i dont need to smile...yeah, thats it.

anyway, i guess thats it....now smile...or something like that...dunno....

oh yeah, happy vegeterian week..or something like that.....um...yes, exactly...i dont know....hahaha.

hm....2 great songs in a row....wah! and the old folks left like 10 minutes before i got back....double wah!! and just 1 more hour...triple wah!!! and tomorrow i only work only 6 hours quadruple wah!!!!. now, if i could only see some yummies then id get to do a quintuple wah!!!!!...oh well.

well well well..here i am in the lab...and not a looker in the bunch......oh well....

ok well there i was minding my own business when i was swarmed by a flock of old folk....6 old folk....grah..so i was glad to leave that glass cage for this glass cage....mayhaps theyll be gone when i go back...hopefully

um..guess thats all for now....woo

um..well im back from lunch and still no old ladies...well, with my luck theyll arrive as i type this...

for lunch i had my dr.pepper, hot fries, and read some harry potter...yes, i almost fainted from the excitement.

um...nothing now, just waiting and listening to punk net radio....earlier i listened to the velvet underground and lou reed, and cranes....

gee, i never realized how much fun my life is...i feel a faint coming on....egads, what a life...well, youve been warned.

more later...blah

well here i am again...atleast today i didnt have to come in at 8...so thats good......only a 7 hour work day...just here eagerly awaiting the arrival of the old folk.....

it happened again!!! the same thing that happen the other day....i got up after going to sleep to turn the computer off even though i had already turned it off....2nd time...my mind is leaving me....and thats cos i got enough sleep and everything...hmm...

gah....no rain today.....oh well...atleast theres alot of shibby clouds in the sky....i love it where theres alot of clouds....it looks so beautiful...perfect...it just takes your mind away for a while...yes i know that im dumb, but it makes me smile :)

ok, more later....ill just be here waiting......for the HORROR!!!!!!!!!!

shmoopy...haha...oh that seinfeld...kramer and jerry are scared of those 2 gay guys...haha..haha...its funny when they run...haha.

now im feeling the effects of lifting desks and carrying boxed down spirally stairs....urg....my arms hurt...oh well

yay, buffy was today...it was an eppy that i hadnt seen due to technical difficulties last time...and tomorrow another eppy...woo, i love there 2 buffy weeks. poor spike...so sad....*cries*

well, today i read 95 pages in the harry potter book...should finish it soon....maybe, if all goes as planned.

well, jude law was on david letterman and that was great except that he had a beard and looked mighty grotty...grah!!! shave it man....give me nightmares...

meep...i guess thats all.

oh well, back in my glass cage now...mighty boring...well i guess this is better than work...and mayhaps not.

i can listen to mah punk net radio cos everybodies gone already...ramones are on right now....sheena is a punk rocker...punk punk punk rocker....meep

well, ive been reading harry potter instead of the other book cos well i wasnt really getting anywhere with the other book.....but i wont give up, ill try later...i will read it...maybe.

um....*sigh* as always...*mega sigh*...well im the computer lab right now...just here babysitting the patrons...oh what a fate...well i guess it isnt that bad...the old lady left, so thats all woohoo...but she said that shed be back for the rest of the week...so i was all like hurrah hurrah...yeah right!!!!!!!! still no rain...oh rain, where art thou? hmm...this this one somewhat yummy person in the lab...must avoid eye contact..must keep looking...*sigh once again* why why why cant i....i think the yummy is ready to leave...oh well...it was nice for a while...well, it was just torture...but still. well anyway, whilst in my glass cage a while ago..this scary lady was just looking at me, shes always looking at me...its like the 4th time...and its not a girl, its a lady...she even sits where she has a clear view of me...shriek!!! and then when i see her, she just smiles...*shudders*...oh well, i guess its nice to be looked at, well not really, only by yummy peoples. the yummy has left the building :(

my hands are always cold...i know i know, *rubs them* ooohhhh....haha...yeah

hm...i wonder why im so anarchic againt proper grammer.....oh well...blah.

urg....old lady time...*sigh*

ok well in the morning i was enjoying myself....well as much as can be expected....then the boss calls me and this other guy to go with him to carry boxes....that was a world of unfunness....so there we are carrying boxes down narrow winding stairs....14 boxes...gah...well, i got a wild cherry pepsi out of it...oh well...so later on im gonna be all sorts of tired...but for now i guess im ok....so im waiting for the old ladys to come back....help me....and the worst thing is that i cant listen to music whilst they are here....and it never rained to thwart them....well just 5 more hours to go.

my hot fries got stuck in the vending machine so i had to buy another to get it to fall down...so i guess i can eat that other bag later or same it for tomorrows lunch...

um...im thinking that thats all for now....oh well.......tata

um well its morning again.....its raining......its gloomy....quiet.........my kind of day. if fits me. hopefully the rain will keep the old ladies away. *sigh* im feeling very voidful...maybe today. ok well this morning when i was going to sleep i turned off the computer and everything...then i went to be...then like 5 min later i woke up and went to the computer to turn it off....i duno why, but i thought that i had fallen asleep with the computer on....i thought that it was in sleep mode...so i go to it and cant see andy light...then i move the mouse around and nothing....i turn the moniter on and nothing...so i figure it out...so im all like grah!! so then i just went back to sleep...i think im just getting crazier as the days progress. well, i guess ill continue to look for my love today...but i wont find love......anyway, nothing much to say...i guess thats it. til later.

my head hurts...um...i guess thats about it....meep

bye.

well, im all sorts of bored....most of the important people leave at 5, so im basically left with nothing to do but wait til 6....i guess doing nothing isnt that bad...just 30 more min..i guess i can last...well its mighty quiet in the whole building, except for in here, but thats cos im listening to the punk net radio....*dododododo* well, apperantly the substance abuse thing has been canceled for tomorrow, oh well and i was looking forward to it....meep

a while ago i had a thought, well i mentioned that there was a depression that might cause rain, well that got me thinking that there was a correlation between that depression and the other depression...if youre depressed you cry alot, and depressions cause alot of rain and stuff...hmm...yes, sometimes i put too much thought into inconsequentional thingys...but thats just me.....oh well.....what to do.

oh..the old ladies are gone, so thats a plus, but now its lonely in here....oh well.

well, here are the lyrics for that song that i mentioned earlier...

JET BOY JET GIRL
(Deprijck, Lacomblez, Ward) 1978

Can you tell what's on my mind
She's with him it's driving me wild
I'd like to hit him on the head until he's dead
The sight of blood is such a high
Ooooohhhh
He gives me head

We made it on a Ballroom Blitz
I took his arms and kissed his lips
He looked at me with such a smile my face turned red
We booked a room into the Ritz
Ooooohhhh
He gives me head

Jet boy jet girl
I'm gonna take you 'round the world
Jet boy I'm gonna make you penetrate
I'm gonna make you be a girl
Ooooohhhh
Jet boy jet girl

I know I'm only just fifteen
I like to kick I like to scream
And even if I had a kink or two in bed with him
You know it's just a dream
Ooooohhhh
He gives me head

Jet boy jet girl
I'm gonna take you 'round the world
Jet boy I'm gonna make you penetrate
I'm gonna make you be a girl
Ooooohhhh
Jet boy jet girl

The other day what a suprise
I saw him with some other guys
God he was dressed up with a girl around his neck
I could have cried with both my eyes
Ooooohhhh
He gives me head

And if and when I make it though
Or if my brain is stuck on glue
And when the world tries to foget all that I said
You know I'll still remember you
Ooooohhhh
You gave me head

Jet boy jet girl
I'm gonna take you 'round the world
Jet boy I'm gonna make you penetrate
I'm gonna make you be a girl
Ooooohhhh
Jet boy jet girl

mighty interesting, no? mighty mighty interesting....wah! ill have to download it later on...very catchy song. i need some of those old albums by the damned, i just have the new one....*cries* i want them....haha....well you know me....i shall have them soon...mark my word....hahaha..

um...well im handling the computer lab right now...well its not that great, but it lets me escape from the old ladies...who are STILL there....giving me headaches i might add...so im prolly gonna read whilst im here...just 2 more hours to go...um...nothing much more to report...um...except...somebody..save me!!!!!!!!!! and still no purty people...oh well. just a normal day in my life i guess...woo...well, there is some scary woman with a mullet..hmm i wonder...hmmm. ill name her the butch mullet....haha...well if you could see her pic youd agree with me...well, if she saw this shed prolly kick me in the head with her boots...haha....yes i know, im mighty funny...gee, ive written alot today..too much in fact....well, i wont make it a habit to write here whilst at work....maybe just once in a while...or if i see mulleted people...yeah, special events like that...ok...toodles...hasta luego....now, i want all the purty people to send me a kiss...ok...everybody now, a mental kiss...or electronic..or psychic......or in person...woo....dunno why im rather randy right now...must be all this computer radiation....ok now im done.......*kiss*

well, lunch is over...so im back...grah

ok well i thought that my morning was gonna be all peachy and creamy, but nooooooooo....i got stuck with a gaggle of old folk....the historical society peoples..so that was mighty fun ;).....i think that theyre out to lunch right now, but theyll prolly be back any minute...*sigh* i wonder how long they will be here plaguing me..

well i checked out 2 books, one about vampires, dunno, but ive been really into vampires lately....and i got the first harry potter book...well, my friend told me to read it, and hes bananas over it, so i guess i should read it too..but til after i finish my current book that is.

well, guess what....cake again!!!!!!! yep, more cake....its like that seinfeld eppy...cake cake cake.....oh well...let them have their cake.

well, ive noticed that ive been using the word "well" mighty much....but who cares, i dont...hehe

it was raining quite alot a while ago, but now its stoped, theres this depression or something like that so itll prolly rain a whole lot more before the day is done....

i guess thats all for now....just 5 more hours to go..wah!!!

oh yeah, still no purty people...must keep hunting...er i mean watching.

well, ive decided to listen to the velvet underground cd cos well...i likes it...."candy says"....*sigh* such a song...my song...such an awesome song....love it, love it i say....i can listen to it over and over and over...even though its such a sad song...but still mighty good...and this album also has "pale blue eyes" an equally mighty awesome song...plus the whole album is mighty good.....so lets just say its all fucking great...wah.

last night(this morning) i had the strangest dream, well not really that strange..i dreamt that i met steve burns...haha...yes, i know that thats freaking funny, but still it was great. anyway, i was all like "i love your music" and he was all like "you know it" and i was all like "whoo yeah".....then he was talking about having to add some english horn to one of the songs, why....i dunno...then i was walking around with him..to? i dont recall, but it was a shibby dream...of course, i think that i was all swooning...but thats just freaky little me...anyway, i dreamt about him cos his was the last site that i visited before i went to sleep...downloaded a nice little squirrel and rat song......i cant wait for his album to come out.

ive become mighty paranoid of the road, seriously, coming to work i was all like on high alert or something....with each car i was all like *gasp...car* i need to wear a blind fold or something like that....or be tranqualized.

almost finish printing, just need like 2 more.....then i dunno what ill do......hmm..prolly clean up or rearrange thingys.

tomorrow ive got to go to some substance abuse thing for new employees, me and this other guy that works here....well, its just across the street...for 1 hour.....so fun will be had by all...i can tell...but i guess that deviation is a welcomed change from being in this room all day.

today during lunch ill prolly go looking for new books to check out so that i can read after i finish my current book.....i wonder if ill find anything interesting...hopefully.maybe.

"sometimes i feel so happy.....sometimes i feel so sad...sometimes i feel so happy, but mostly you just make me mad...baby you just make me mad....linger on..your pale blue eyes...linger on....your pale blue eyes..."

well, that line is from the song "pale blue eyes"....its so true......just insert the color of eye that fits the situation.

well, library almost opens, so thats good...maybe.

ok.....now thats all for now....haha.....bye.

um...im feeling all sorts of loneliness right now....im here at work..its 830 in the morning, the library doesnt open til 10...and that doesnt matter cos i dont interact with the humans anyway.....im just here in my little room.....alone.....listening to the punk net radio...the music is makeing me sad...its not sad music, but something about old punk music makes me sad...an era gone by...and now all we have is throwaway punk music...well anyway......i dont know maybe its just me and my crazy head...well...i dunno.....i have to be here til 6pm....*sigh* mayhaps ill see some purty interesting peoples through my glass cage....mayhaps ill be given some purty peoples instead of the usual old folk or corn child......well, right now im printing lots of pics that i had to scan...so im doing that.continued from friday....ill finish today...hm...i just heard an interesting song by the damned called "jet boy, jet girl" very interesting, ill have to look into it....well i guess ill go now, keep printing away...printing my life away....but ill be on the look out for the purty people....ok thats all...buh bye. til later.

hmmhmmhmmhmm...not doing much right now, just watching telly, listening to music and here on the net..well i guess it is something...but not really anything...um....i dunno...anyway..

this morning i went shopping for some vegenaise...its like mayo, but with no egg or dairy....well, they didnt have the one that i got last time so i had to get this grape seed oil one...um...its not as good as the other vegenaise, but its edible, and i need my potato salad...so grape seed potato salad is better than no salad and so forth...

well i also went to best buy and you know what that means...yup, i had to visit the music section...and you know what that means...yup, i got weak and got some cds...i got 2 various artist punk cds which are always cheap...and i got the new cranes album which i had been wanting for a long time already..its mighty good....and i also got another velvet underground album...its their self titled which has the song "candy says" which i love mighty much...so you know that ive been listening to music all day...oh, and this time i payed cash, so i didnt have to wear out my credit card this time...good good.

um...i slept some after we got home and ate...i slept like 3 hours....then had more potato salad for supper...and also some left over cornnuts and a blow pop...me and my crazy diet.

today was mighty mighty hot..but isnt it always.

well ive gotta work 9 hours tomorrow(today) so thats gonna be trying...but its better than being home...only bad thing is that i have to wake up early...gah

my hair!!! i dont know if i should cut it again, and just leave it short..or let it grow again...dunno!!!!!

um...i got an email from my friend and he said that he was well...so thats good...i just hope that he quits straining himself and rest some more...well at least he is gonna have some vacation time soon, so that will do him well..so good good.

um....i think thats about it...maybe...well prolly...so hug kiss punch stab love...bye.

um....today was just blah....not too blah, but blah enough...

was about to read but then i got an urge to clean my room...so i did...vacuumed and everything....of course the hardest part was rearranging my cds....but its been done...now..if i dont listen to any music, everything should stay in order.

today was mighty hot...hot....and hot...

my hair is already all blah...my roots are already sorta long...well not long long, but noticable...well maybe not, but its already been 5 weeks...so i dunno what im gonna do...bleach again, or dye a dark color....hmm...what to do...

the thrill is gone

um...where are the good people in the world..prolly dead or something

ground control to major tom

um....um....um...um....and that tells about all...

well, my job is mighty dangerous, ive already gotten 2 paper cuts...2!!!!!!! i could bleed to death or something...

went to work with only 2 and a half hours of sleep....haha....yes, i know that im crazy, but its ok...i wasnt really tired or anything...it was all good...well, they had cake AGAIN....its like that seinfeld episode where elaine gets sick of eating cake cos they always have it...and then she gets addicted to it...well it of course i didnt have any, just some punch...it was cake with pudding on top...strange looking...so anyway, then all my coworkers started having the weirdest conversations...really....everybody was talking about how the food in restaurants has bugs and gets dropped...and how the boss used to work in a meat shop...and other grotty things...was very strange...really...i just sat back and well...sat...but atleast it killed like 40 min off of work...so that was good.

dunno, right now im just feeling all sorts of sadness...i just feel something over my heart...::sigh::

well, there was a roachy in my room, but i already trapped him...ill try to release him later...so that he may run free in the wild...or something like that...

gee...i guess i dont have much to say today....well anyway...maybe more later....

you know what?...everything just seems to suck lately....nothing seems to have meaning...i dont even listen to music as much as i used to...just at work....and tv...well....its just there.....and the computer, well thats just some stupid ol machine....i just need a reason....a reason to have joy...a reason to smile....a reason to be....doing it for me is not a reason....everything sucks...holidays suck, birthdays suck, the heat sucks, my relatives suck...people suck...everything sucks...except for my stray cat...shes the only good thing..but i havent seen her in days...my dad prolly got rid of her...cos he sucks.....my life sucks, i suck...the whole fucking universe sucks...except for my stray cat of course....maybe the whole world will just blow up or something...the word suck sucks..