*sigh*....

um....watching buffy...thats always good....it should be scary, but its so funny..hehe...lil demon...sad and funny....

saw a college friend at work....just a few min....she was making copies for school....

started watching that prince william movie but then opted for my nap...eh, tv has lost most of its meaning to me....

well, its mighty mighty hot in here...i even removed my sweater *gasp*.....HOT!!!!!!!!

nothing of worth happened...well, i did help this one guy...hehe, but thats about it......

almost time to go....HOT!!!!!!!!!!

i guess thats all for now....listening to BUFFY....yay....ok, ya.

of the little kids bug me.....it seems that all the kids do here is look at dragon ball z websites, and save those oh so wonderful dragon ball z animated gifs to disks.....just taking up space if you ask me......but you didnt so....

well, here i am.....*weak yay*....already 4 peoples taking my life force...

dream time.....ok, well this morning i had another wonky dream.....ok, well i was in my room and it had a hive with wasps and bees and various other stinging buggies....so i was all like *yikes*....its a common dream for me, the swarms of wasps, plus that wasp incident the other day......also, not only was there those creatures, there was also a bat in my room.hehe...and something else, um...something white also, a rat or something fuzzy, plus a really big beetle....very grotty dream........*sigh* well, ive got to get my excitement one way or another.....there was also another dream intermingled....um..was at my house i think, in the garage.....there was some school event or something.....my friend was there....i was bugging him like always :p.....then i asked him what made him happy or how did he keep from getting sad....and he showed me a secret website that he had made to house all the images that made him smile, he told me that whenever he felt depressed he would visit this site....it made me happy.....then he left.....thats all.

you know youre in hell when 2 diff radio stations are playing 2 diff avril songs at the same time....no escape.....

um....it seems ive run out of words....um....yeah, im blank..thats ok, ill go to bed now....more from the wonderfulness that is the lab later on today....ok....bah...

im gonna run over gavin rossdale and marry gwen stefani :)...yes, im delusional

ah!!!! theyre giving "dont leave me this way" by thelma houston...dunno why, but i love this song...yes i know its disco, but its so groovy...love it!!!!

ZUMBA!!!!!! is it me or is it always on....theres only so much of beto one can handle....hes just there tempting us with his little body...evil evil...yak.

hehe.....right now when they did the announcement over the pa these 2 girls jumped...of course i started laughing....hehe.....im evil.>:)

chester bennington.....i hate his band, but theres just something about his voice and if you know me, im always drawn to a yummy sexy dreamy voice....i just love his voice!!!!!!!!! its so cute trying to sound all angry and such.....plus, hes not bad looking, so that helps....so in conclusion, i hate linkin park, but lately ive been hearing the song "in the end" over and over on the radio.....and the part where he has his solo...im all like *swoon*....yes, i turn into a little school girl....im so bad.

ok, almost time to go..

i think my foot may be falling asleep :(

what kind of life is this.....a life that we dont get to choose......the life of an outsider....forced to perperually wear the "scarlet letter"....you cant see it, you know its there...its there weighing heavily on your soul.....like a walking target....a target that can never be truly safe...safe or happy....its always there......to remove the mark would be to kill a small part of your soul....not even a small part, all of your soul.....is it worth it....being unhappy, or less unhappy......ok, im done.

yes, ive put the date thingers in espanol....thats what this blog was missing, a little espanol...since my espanol isnt fluent enough i wont be doing whole posts...i could try, but it would be ugly....ay que tonto soy....bueno, yo no so.......que?...exactly.

um..lesse how that works...

can you say "yay!!!"

well, i am clumsy, but i really dont think i fit her...well maybe, i am ditzy sometimes and im always with the "pretty boy" and so forth, and my crazy cat...and i am a scaredy person...maybe it is me...

Which Sailor Scout are you?

Which Sailor Scout are you?

and now its full......no, not my heart....the lab..even though there are only 8 comps there are 10 peoples..they all want my oxygen......arg

im here in the lab.....its full of depressing people..well, the people are pretty normal, thats the thing, the normacy is depressing me..all these people being happy the way they are.......little robots...little annoying robots....little ignorant annoying robots....dunno, whenever im here at work i feel depressed and when i get home im just fine.....there must be a correlation...and this lady....she keeps looking at me.....she always does, then she always asks why i have a sweater on......shes kinda trailerish...scary even...she just loves to stare, and not just at me, at everybody she cant mind her own business....i wish that roachy was here with me so that it could fly into her hair and get tangled there and she could faint and so forth...hehe....ok, that made me smile.....yay

im just here reading random blogs.....mayhaps ill find something i like.....so far nothing......so far, i think thats whats been depressing me..seeing so many depressed peoples......not good

um...dreams..again....weird dreams.....ok, well first i was dreaming about castlevania game..i was in it.blah blah.....then i dunno, cant remember what the next part was, but then, it was a different castlevania game....yikes.....dunno why, i havent been playing any games lately...weird.

oh yeah, last night whilst taking a bath i was attacked be a roachasaurous...eek......it was grotty.....actually, i feel sad for bugs, most people fear them....they get squished.....they cant be happy...but thats just me...anyways, it was there stalking me...atleast it didnt take to the air, that would have been traumatizing...i think hes asleep now :(.

im pretty sure i had something else to write about, cant remember.....my memory fails me.

i hate my hair...whats new....

well yesterday i saw 2 purties....1 boy, 1 girl....it got me thinking....well, the girl did, the guy just made me smile in my head :)..anyway, the girl got me thinking that if i had a girlfriend, i would be a mighy bad boyfriend...i wouldnt be dominant enough, not outgoing enough, not ambitious enough, id just be too wimpy...not good enough...no...its bad to admit, but I need somebody to be the boyfriend...somebody to take charge....me..im not good enough....no....i wont make it....the strong survive...im not strong....

ok, thats all for now, more from the lab in about 9 hours or so....nite.

yay, i put a looooooooooooong list of some of my fav musical artist...its funny cos its so long..hehe...i think i may be missing some...hmmmm...

date to remember..oct 29...new tori amos and new sigur ros albums...the credit card is armed and ready....plus, theres gonna be a limited version of the new tori album....you know how i love the word "limited"...wah!!!!...theyre as good as ordered.

ok ok...where to begin....ok with the dream....

well, the dream was had during my daily nap :p

ok, i was at work, behind the periodical counter...it was either really dark or very very bright, all i remember was that i couldnt see anything...i think it was a combination of both...anyway, there was this man looking for a dancer or something...and then gwen stefani appeared and started dancing...he didnt know who it was so i showed him the current issue of people magazine(with sarah michelle gellar on the cover!!!!!) cos it has her wedding pics...and then i was in the lab, and i was crawling on the floor?....then i saw a friend from college there and started talking to her....um...that seems about right.

ok, now the keys..

well, you know how im always complaining about the lab keys how i have to wait and wait and so forth...well, today i decided to talk directly to the horses face...is that how the saying goes?...anyway, i talked to mr second in command and told him my thoughts on the key situation and how they should be upstairs...so he said "sounds good" about 10 min later there they were...makes me think that i should be more upfront about other things...

and now the firemen :)...no, not that :p

well, about 20 min before the close of the library, some idiotic person decided to burn stuffs in the mens restroom....so somebody reported the burning smell, it was nothing major, no fire alarms or anything...anyway, i guess its protocol or something, but they called the firemen, they sent 2 fire trucks and 1 police person....all that excitement over a little trashcan fire....eee, and so i was graced with the vision of firemen...well, atleast 1 interesting thing happen...i guess.

let me regroup.

um....keys, dreams, and firemen....more on this later.

hmmm....theyre giving "lets hear it for the boy" song again...wah

um....ok, im gonna try to get past everything today and be a happy camper....yes, im a broken record....*ssss*

ok, i think im sleeping earlier today....really....ok, ba.

well, im feeling better now...washed my hair with some peach shampoo, so im drunk with peach fumes...hehe...also, today i rested, no jumping around...so im ok for now....i guess thats good...

coldplay is gonna be on conan, should be good..

el clon was mighty good today, cant wait til tomorrow...eeeee

um....more later...mmmhhmmm

time to go home.......

the internet depresses me, everybody is so young....theyre just getting younger and younger and im getting older and older....nobody likes old people :(....well, its not just the internet, its life too...

i think im gonna give up book reading for a while...ive yet to do any and the books are almost due.....im just not in the correct mind set to be doing any reading....i tried, im just not in the mood.....i give up

currently listening to screeching weasel "i wanna be a homosexual"...."...youre so full of shit, why dont you admit, you dont have the balls to be a queer........" yes......

ok, i think im gonna just surf for the hour thats left.

ok, now time to complain about the people in the lab.....that stupid couple thats always here is here...the lady is looking at "everybody loves raymond" websites.....then theres that other stupid girl that i cant stand, shes looking at nick carter websites.....the other 6 people arent really bugging me....well, they are breathing my oxygen, but thats about it...

on a different note, that grotty lab girl from the other day was back today....so i was in my cage, and then i saw here there with her boyfriend....what was she doing?......still staring at me....there i was again with the ignoring....she couldnt have been more obvious.....i was trying to hide in a corner...i think only grotty people like me....grotty for the grotty......oh well......

i know that its not a good way of thinking, but i do need somebody in my life.....really...............

my life is fading....im going downward...spiraling to nothing........im just not in a good place in life right now....im not too depressed, but thats just cos i wont let myself, ive got just a little hope...maybe thats enough.....does the scale lie?....todays weighing said 155.5....i dont know if thats correct....could be...maybe not.....im fading....but its ok....im not complaining....it might be nice to disappear completely...no worries......how sad that im thinking this way...but i truely believe it...im gonna quit writing about this here in the lab cos i know that ill start to cry if i continue...when im home, thats when ill continue...but while i continue in here the mask must hold...to them im happy weird guy....but they dont know anything about me....they dont deserve to....

well, i tried really mega hard to be happy today, but it just wouldnt let me.....this place...this job is sucking my life away....a while ago i was just ready to go into a corner and cry all day long...but i cant....its not "normal".....but who gives a fuck....i dont...i just cant be happy....im just floating the day away....somebody give me a hug......

new lyrics...for somebody...he knows....he doesnt know....i think....i dont know....anyways, it for you...be happy.

the song...well, it relates to me cos...well...."we" live in the arse of the world..literally.....and "we'" are miserable here...hes kinda stuck....but he knows id love to see him...and if i cant, he knows i want him to be happy....but sometimes i think he doesnt know...and i do believe that my name brings a shudder of sorts....and ive got my radical views and plans(leave here), but do i do anything..no, i plan on getting them done by staying in bed...possibly napping....and i acknowledge that im unambitious...but i want to see him...he knows....i think he knows....he doesnt know....

thus, thats another song about me...i tell you, all morrisseys songs are about me.....anyways, i bug you, but that doesnt mean that i dont want to see you happy...so....be happy m...:)...yes?

"HE KNOWS I'D LOVE TO SEE HIM"-Morrissey

"He Knows (he knows)
Or, I think he does
'Cause when I lived
In the Arse of the world

He knows, he knows
He knows I'd love
To see him happy
(Or as close as is allowed)
Oh, 'cause when I lived
In the Arse of the world ...

He knows, he knows
He knows I'd love
To see him happy
(Or as close as possible)
As close as possible
As close as possible
As close as is allowed

Oh, my name still conjures up deadly deeds
And a bad taste in the mouth
And the police - they actually know me
They said :

"You're just another person in the world
You're just another fool with radical views
You're just another who has maddening views
You want to turn it on its head
By staying in bed !"

I said : "I know I do"

He doesn't know ..."

um...yes.

um....im thinking im going to sleep early today...got a long day to go....eeeee

please let it be a good day!!!!!!!! im trying mighty hard....please

BUFFY GOODNESS!!!

well today(wed) didnt start out bad...it was great...got up, ate, got my buffy in the mail, whilst going to work they gave both nena "99 red balloons" and the cure "just like heaven", that was great....got to work, did some talking, then everything came crashing....too much too much, dont even want to remember...lessons learned..dont trust people, dont help people....you just get bitten, yes, im again with the bitten....just horrible...anyway, the rest of the day was pretty much ok....saw a yummy boy..now, his girlfriend was another story....i could have taken him away from her...haha...:p...lets just say that she shouldntve been wearing tight clothing...plus, it must take her hours at night to remove all the makeup...scary......oh...sorry, im just venting...but he really was yummy...well, that was my day at work...

got home, had my rolls, had my nap, woke up...watched buffy..hehe....yes, im obsessed....thats about it...blah

guess what im doing right now?...yup, listening to buffy!!!!...bunnies!!!!

it just keeps breeding....the world keeps biting...it wont let up...sometimes it just seems that everything in the world is evil...ive no distance left to run....the thrill is gone....guess its time for the extra strength happy mask...*sigh* and there i was thinking that nothing could ruin the day...my buffylicious day...i was wrong...what ruined my day?...life of course....yek.

WAH!!!!!!!! was about to leave for work, then on the table, there it was, my "buffy the vampire slayer: once more, with feeling" soundtrack.....so now im over joyed.....its gonna be a fantabulous day!!!!!!!!

goodnite and thankyou

oohhh!!!!...girls just wanna have fun....ya......*starts dancing in his mind*.....dadada....sorry

um....whilst in the lab this comp teacher came in and said that she was to have a class in there, so i was all like..huh?....so i kicked peoples out...then, it turned out that her class wasnt there, she was in the wrong room...so there i am with an empty lab....eee...oh well.

im hopeing that today is an uber wonderful day....just want there to be happiness all around....im gonna train my mind to think that if im positive then positive thingers will happen to me....if i think im perfect the way i am, then others will too....if i think that i can find somebody, then i will....i just hope all this positiveness doesnt hurt me....but i want to believe...so, if i say its true, then it is so....well, i hope it is.

today was my resting day, no jumping around, let my feet rest....but it just makes me feel lazy...erg

i truely want to be happy, but i know i wont be whilst im throwing up or crying or lonely...but maybe if i think it long enough my body will just give in....please please please please pleeeeaaaaasee...........

maybe when i wake up the world will be a wonderful place....a wonderful world....*sigh*, heres to wishing.

im such a wack...haha....why?..well, im here listening to the radio again...well, a song that i dont like comes on and what do i do, it takes me about til the song is almost finished to actually change the station..after i already sat through most of the horror....eh...sometimes i think my wireing is a bit off...well, not sometimes, all the time!!!!...ya

wah!!!!! i just finished seeing buffy!!!!....this season i promise to not go to the spoilers...last season was totally spoiled....i want to be surprised...no cheating....maybe just a bit, but nothing major....love the rebrown haired anya...hehe....and buffy and her mom hair..haha...ah....so mighty good, cant wait til next week....BUFFY!!!!

almost time...time to say goodbye....time to go home and watch buffy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im being a bad little boy and eating pb in the lab...well, sneaking bites really :p

didnt read, spent quite some time looking at goldfrapp and placebo videos...just like me.

hm....had a dream, but cant quite remember it now......oh well, wouldve just been something strange anyway...always is.

my shining armor was nowhere to be seen.....well, thats to be expected...i always expect it....maybe tomorrow.....or tomorrow.

ok, bye.

gah!!!!!! i want to beat them all over the head with a big dead fish...a shark maybe....then maybe the teeth would also inflict hurt on them all.....thats it, they need to be fish slapped....yah

"..trouble loves me...."

where to begin.......with the yadas or the blahs....tough choice

ok, well when i got here i had a note that mr second in command boss man was looking for me for some meeting thinger.....so i had to wait till he got back from lunch...so then it comes....so im all like.."yikes, what did i do...now?".....so, did i do something wrong.....yes!!! i helped somebody else out and it showed that i had other skills..so now, hes added to my current list of thingers to do....he wants me to help maintain the computers and help with the websites..see, thats what happens when you do something good, you get bitten....its all those people that i helped, they were all like "oh yes, he can do this and this and that"...so now..now im pretty much in ruins....more work, same pay....see, you cant show that youre smarter than you look....not good.

currently listening to morrisseys "maladjusted"...i might be one of the few that actually likes it....of course its got some of my theme songs on it...then again, most of morrisseys songs are about me...so eh.

ill prolly read some right now....prolly.

so, once again i say it.....i hate peoples

also, ive currently got the stupid little girls that i hate much, theyre always bugging....being a mallrat is semi sad, being a libraryrat is uber sad...its sad when you have nothing better to do with your life than spend 6+ hours EVERY SINGLE DAY in the library.....but then again, thats just my thought.

hurricane.....hurricane...........where are you?...here....there.....in my head...

um...should be getting to bed any min now....got work from 1230-8...eeee, i need to return the movie and possible look for 2 more...for sure im gonna start reading...I AM....look for interesting peoples, then again, i always do....

i hope i dont have a cough attacky day...it never fails

lets see how im feeling when i get up, if im feeling miserable, then ill be goth boy, if not, then ill add a color...hmmm...

so happy that its finally fall....i love fall....now, if only i had a special fall romance or something :(

the bottom of my feet hurt, ive prolly ruined them from all the jumping around that i do...yes, JUMPING...

sometimes im led to believe that there are no good people around here.

ok, thats all....hi, bye....hug.

*lets hear it for the boy....* sorry, im singing along with the radio...haha...i remember this song from my youth....i so love that i got to grow up in the 80s...all the wacky clothing, hairstyles, music...now, everything is very mechanical and sterile....not good...

its odd how sometimes you can spend hours on the web and not find a thing to look at, then once in a while you stumble upon something that keeps your attention for hours...well, not really odd, but well....its odd to me....but then again, i am odd...so...um...yeah...hehe...

lessee....um...mon i got up...had lunch, then i watched some david on the soap...:)...then i watched some depeche mode....well, the dvd is 2 hours long, and you know me..im like "always sleepy guy"...so i just had 5 more songs to go, but could last...took a long doze....woke up, had some granola bars and then watched "2001: a space odyssey"....good movie...now, i tend to creep easily so of course it left me all creepyish....but thats just me....eek, took me 6 days til i finally watched it...its just that im always too tired or something...like i say, always something...also, ate about 15 dumdum thingers..yum

well, ive mellowed out a bit...you can usually tell my mind set by the look of the blog....and as you can tell, ive downsized a bit...but its for the best...loads quicker..yes.....anyways, im a bit better...but still bitter.

new buffy season tonight!!! ive gots to record it cos im gonna be at work....with my luck there will be a power outage or something to cause me not being able to record it....

i will survive...i will make myself survive...

the cough remains fresh...

i still dont know..do the fools rush in....or just do a 180....which leads to happiness?...

la

lets not make things more complicated than they have to be...simple is good...i am simple...see me, you get me...simple.

in this life/world being decent results in squat....ill just live a nice comfortable life with all this squat ive acquired...whatever.

happiness is fleeting.

got my twisty donut thinger...made me a happy camper :)...so, yay.

just about time to skiddadle...but of course there are still THREE peoples here....blah

ok, maybe a donut is waiting for me downstairs........maybe, if there is, i will be happy :)......if not, well, then itll be an ordinary day.

bye.

its all sorts of calm now..just 1 more hour.....no purties today....

a few ago there was this grotty girl with this guy......whilst the guy was doing his work on the comp she was just staring at me....i noticed, but never looked in her direction...i was all like *whistles to self*....now, if it had been a cuttie goth or punk girlie, then mayhaps i would have looked back and smiled, seriously...i would too have looked back, i wouldnt mind a really awesome punk girl like brody armstrong(the distillers) or a riot girl like kat bjelland(or riot woman now)....this girl would really have to be mighty special mind you....otherwise....well...otherwise mayhaps....but this is all a really looooong shot...cos well, you know :p

well, back to being a full lab.......

i cant listen to my music in peace......ive gots to keep eyes and ears on the peoples....*sigh*

people being rowdy in the study room....i hope i dont have to go tell them stuffs.

i should just read.....

yikes, the peoples are starting to stream in......

scary old man doesnt come til 2 today....i guess that just means one less hour to spy on me...

blarg i say.

on a good note, it is kinda freshish outside...fallish if you will.....that kinda makes me happy...but not full smile happy, more smirkish happy...or grimace...dunno, now im rambling.

well, the day already started kinda bad.....no, the food actually didnt make me sick today :), but...whilst coming to work, there was a car crash or something, luckily we were able to evade it and take another route.....so i get here, am waiting for the key to open the lab, get it after waiting a few min.....go up..guess what?, the lab is already open....i waited for nothing....so there i go, after turning all the comps on, go down to take the keys back......and now, ive got a chatter in here, even though i have TWO signs that say NO CHATTING!!!!!!!!!!!!...also, i dont know if this is good or not, but guess what im listening to?....the cranes.."wings of joy" yep, its the album that has the song "adoration"......i i i i....i just had to.....it finally found its way...i cant beat it....the feeling is too strong......sorry.

geezzzz you know youre really a sad person when you get to hear pat benetars "love is a battlefield" twice in one day....yikes

im feeling somewhat better now....i felt ready to cry several min ago...now im better....its gone...sometimes i feel that i want to go to that place again....put the depressing music on full blast...let it sweep me away....let my body flow to the sadness....block out the outside world....rock back and forth.....ive already got the song....it used to be my depresso song...."adoration" by the cranes...i could just listen to that over and over...wasnt good though....but still, to this day, i still have the urge to regress....atleast then i was letting myself be myself, being truthful, not like i am now, pretending to be happy, i feel thats doing more damage than the depression did...but then again, i just dont know...

thats all....too nonwritish right now....let me stew a while....

well, listening to the radio is supposed to be making me all happyish, but theyre giving all this dancie club music, just making me wish i wasnt in my room....making me wish i was out dancing, thats cos i cant even dance...but the feeling is there....dancing with the purty peoples....:) oh well....ill just be here...dancing with myself...

OOHHHH....pet shop boys....*starts singing along* "...whatve i whatve i whatve i done to deserve this?..."...

arg, theres a grotty clicker beetle thinger in my room...*sigh*, these bugs never give up...

ok, well i never listen to the radio whilst home...but right now i turned it on and theyre giving a shibby song :) "the promise"...i love it...so 80s....makes me feel happy, most 80s music does....it just brings something out of me....makes me want to dance...i have a smile...yay....

gosh, that old man bugs the tar out of me.....he already passed by like 4 times trying to spy....well, not trying, actually spying in, me? i just put my sour face mask.....gah

have you seen the "underneath it all" video....woo, gwen looks so hot in that...well i think so.....very sexy....and of course the guys do too, we cant forget them :p, but still, very cool vid....but im telling you, that gwen.....woo.

ok, thats all for now, more later later later......

im trying hard, but the sadness is creeping, setting in.....its just not a cheerful kind of day......im tired...

also, i dont even know what i did with my hair today....like a hundred diff directions....

im gonna go cry now......happiness is too difficult for me...i just cant comprehend it....its out of my grasp.

well, i thought that today would be peachy all the way through, but, its already started off crappy.....i woke up fine...watched some saturday morning goodness...then i ate, of course the food made me sick...im use to it already.....had some cough syrup....got ready, i even got here at work 5 min early...did that help?....no.....i needed the keys to open the lab..of course the keys were had by one of the idiots here...took forever, so i actually opened the lab 5 min late....that stupid couple was here already, breaking down doors, i go in to turn the comps on and leave the lights off, what does he do, he come running in, turns on his own computer and turns the lights on...i didnt want them on til i was done turning everything on....then he continues by logging himself in....*sigh* i tell you, this couple is like a mobile headache....and then that stupid coworker...and then theres that other scary old man coworker who likes to spy through the glass to see if anybody is doing wrong so that he can tell me they are......

sometimes it is so difficult to find the good things in people......to find things to be happy about...but ill try...try to make it work..

oh well, more later as the funness progresses.

hmm....got to see jason lee on tv twice today, first on that carson daly show thinger, and now on a rerun of conan...he likes sigur ros!!!!!! and many "silly british bands" as he put it....hehe...i like his green shoes :)

this lady at work...she says that she knows when im around cos she can smell me...she always wants to know what the scent is...she goes up to me and starts smelling my sweater and hugging me....hehe...shes nice....yesterday she was all like.."if all the patrons were like you, it would be such a nice place"...of course i wanted to say "are you on crack lady"...people just dont know, they just assume that im a shiny happy person...oh what fools these humans be....but its ok...cos im happy boy.

well, my mind is kinda blank right now...guess its time to sleep....oh well, ill be up in about 6 hours, then work...expect much exciting updates from there...woo....yeah right...just regular blah blah, people bug me blah....hehe, but in a happy tone.

im tired of being alone...:(

ok, tata.

remember when you were a kid....playing hide and seek...hiding in the closet always seemed natural....i feel like im still hidden in there, waiting, waiting to be found....now the closet is brimming with clothing and other stuffs...the doors wont close....somebody...find me....

well, the day started off badly, was about to get to work then the train decided to intervene...got to work 18 min late...nobody even noticed, but ive still got to make those min up...prolly tue....blah

phone connection is being a cow...doesnt want to work.

somewhat freshish, thats good.

still being mr happy state of mind....trying...its ok.

nothing much else...um....had a nap...watched some buffy....had my snack....yada

ok, ta.

r.i.p. little grotty wasp like creature...i knew you for just a short time, but youll be in my heart forever...

still i adhere to the notion that im a cornnut...

why must i be addicted to reading the personals/classifieds....not good...i should be learning something instead...but still, it kills me that there are always so many good looking peoples looking, if they cant find anybody, then what chance does somebody like me have...the mind boggles...

ok, all the scary thunders and lightnings have gone for now....something about 5000 lightning strikes per hour...eek...no, not fun at all...i had my little portable christmas light thinger in case the light left...maybe next time.

im gonna try and maintain my happy airiness....neva give up!!!! um...yeah...

i miss dressing as i wish....no more weirdness....i want to have my wacky hair....sure its kinda wacky now, but its normal wack not weird psycho wack...i want my wack back...i miss being myself...or as close to acting as myself as i can...it was fun not caring....now...now im just blah....doomed to blahness

its hard enough finding somebody...then, what are the chances that that somebody is gonna have the same interests...how many psycho goth/punk/geek/norm peoples do you know that also like opera, classical, and of course, screaming ladies....none :( .

also sprach zarathustra...um...sp?.....haha....anyway, i like that song....nobody ever calls it that....they dont know....sometimes...sometimes i think im a stupid person, but then i talk to peoples and i have to think that theyre really stupid, im not gonna elevate my mental status to smart, just cos they dont know simple thingers....if im stupid, theyre really stupid....stupid guy at work didnt know what a tabernacle was.....or berate.....etc...but mayhaps its me....i know ive got a strange way of speaking...maybe im just taking all words out of context...im rewriting their rules....iim wrong, what business do i have using words like berate anyways....*sigh* ok, enough of that...

well im going to bed before my lil happy streak runs out....im gonna be happy fuck it!!!!!! and im gonna like it!!!!...heeeee, i make myself smile too much, not normal at all....ok, gnite....hugs and kisses to the peoples who deserve them...everybody else just gets oxygen...:p...ok, ba

you're the virgin suicides. you're sad but pretty, and very, very dreamy.

yikes, scary thunderses in ze sky...eeee

well, id like to say that my first day of happiness went really well, hopefully this faze in my life can continue...may i have days and days of happy like goodness :)

much hugs...

im such a cornnut.

well, its been a pretty calm day...some thunderses outside, but thats about it.

just me being mellow....happy...lalala

almost time to go home....rest....veg out.

yahoo is being a cow, im having to direct everybody to the uk yahoo.

just 5 peoples here....5 calm peoples.

finished my alotted works, now im free as a bird...a happy bird.

i wish that i was truely happy and not just saying that i was just for my sake....

*sigh*, ok, more laterz

ok, well so far so good....some peoples that i helped the other day brought some little pot with roses...i had to share it with all of my department....got a visit from the old ladies, but that wasnt too bad....

went to lunch, had some coke(im such a bad speller, i always type something else instead of coke..im sure you can guess what it is ;p) then decided to walk around....went to the reference desk to chat with a coworker....then there was this guy there in the books...looked ok to me...so im there browsing books....then i find a book titled "how to deal with all sorts of people" or something like that, and it had some painting of a guy on it....so i take it to my coworker cos we all hate everybody...so, the guy is there too and he sees me showing it to her and asks me "is that you on the cover?".....of course im all like "hehe no.." so i think to myself, hes pretty friendly.....so hes having trouble finding some books, so i decide to help him, being the humanitarian that i am....so then were upstairs and im helping him...he didnt even know that i worked here, he prolly thought that i was just some psycho or something....so then i tell him that i do work here, but that i was on my lunch break....i show him my name tag thinger.....so he asks why hes never seen me here and i explain that im always cooped up in one of the 2 cages.....lab or arch....so he asks if im going to school and what not and i explain that ive been there and done that....so, he tells me that hes from out of town, but hes here with his "girlfriend"...so im all like, thats nice >:p.....so i keep helping him and talking, then by the time i know it its already time to come to the lab, so here i am......oh well, it was nice while it lasted...see im still happy...he had asked for the time and i told him 4 something or other and he misheard me, so he thought that it was still 4 and it was all 510, so im all like, youre still here, and hes all like, its still 4, so im all like no....he was late to some meeting he had to go to......all my fault, i guess i dont speak clearly enough....oh well....live and learn.

so far its silent here.....a little to quiet, so im listening to david bowie....havent in a while...too good.

havent been too sick today, not like yesterday......so thats good too..

so all in all.....woo.

i feel my luck could change....still being or trying to be more cheerful......just call me cheerful guy

i wasnt stung to death whilst i slept, so i wake up and start worrying that im gonna have to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder for a flying waspish creature...then!!!!, i see him flying around....so he is apprehended....he was nice enough to come out of hiding.....so now im thinking that this will be a good day....hopefully

so, im feeling that my luck could change...or maybe its the cough syrup talking....hehe..i think i put too much gel in my hair this morning...but thats ok....be happy.

cant breathe....SICK!!!!!! ok, im happy :) see....anyway, to sleep i go....love ya...

ive decided that im gonna try to be happier...TRY...it will be hard for me, but i will try...i hope it last long, this attempt....but ill have it in my heart that if you have hope, it will just be crushed given the chance....i want to be happy...i dont go around striving to be miserable...but its all ive known....but i will try.

the rest of the work day was horrible, why?....no, not cos i didnt get to spy purty peoples, but cos of my sickness...i hate being sick, i become the evil gloomy gus....not, pleasant to be around...all sniffly and such, then, i decided to eat this peach candy thinger and started having a cough attack...so there i am all dying....just horrilbe horrible day...

then i get home and that stupid wasp thinger....then im ready to relax, and i have to go to the stupid print shop for the supposed last time...30 min he says....get there....come back home 2 hours later...20 bucks richer...but still, im not going back...no sir.

the ripley movie is too creepy...kinda too familiar...well, familiar without the whole psychoness and murderness...yikes..btw matt damon has big teeth...hehe...but still, so sad....to all the nobodies...heres to us...

just being a paranoid humanoid...why?..well, earlier when i got home i started watching "the talented mr. ripley" JUDE LAW!!!!, ok back to story, well i was in the dark and then i heard a buzzing....i assumed that it was one of those grotty clicking beetle thingers, so i turn on the light and what is it?...its not a grotty clicking beetle, its a grotty scarlet and blue wasp thinger...so of course im all like *yikes* so i go get a swatter, when i get back, its gone into hiding....so now im all paranoid that its gonna sting me to death whilst i sleep...i have no idea how it got in, i always have everything shut....so, thats why im paranoid guy...eek but i dunno, seeing jude law some how makes all the worries go away.....

hmm....redesigned buffy site.....very interesting.

im still alive it seems......well, im breathing at least.

the library is pretty empty....sad

im still feeling sick....no wild hair today, too sick to care

had a dream again, but too weird to remember or put into words.

erm........i guess thats it, maybe some more later.

i think the pain has finally gone away ...its eaten itself away...for now atleast....sleep will help supress it....i dont know what im doing with myself....its rather frightning what one is capable of....but sleep will help...sleep is happiness, im happy whilst asleep, i wish i could sleep forever...endless slumber...in time it will come.

too drained to do anything else...sleep it shall be...may my health wane no more...enough....

well, when i got out of work, we went to pick up my sister cos her car is out of wack, of course whenever my sister and mother are involved sparks will fly....sparks flew....on the way home, we had to stop at mcdonalds cos my sister bought food for her whole family, me...i got a small order of kids meal fries( i shouldnt have) so then we finally go drop her off...one thing i noticed is that at night, the alternative radio station actually plays good stuffs, diff stuffs than morning time....i heard sigur ros, the doves, 2 radioheads, even some dancer in the dark bjork, wow, all in one sitting....i guess night is when ive got to listen to the radio...so finally i got home at around 9....ate the 1/6 piece of veggie burger that i had left during lunch, and a granola bar...did my faux work out...bathed...drank water...now i feel sick...stomach hurts...feels empty...i finally realize why ive lost weight, its not really that ive started eating less, its my whole change of schedule with work, before, i would go in at 9 and get out at 6...i would eat supper at about 7....now, i go in at 1230, so im eating my meal at around 1130....so im burning it all of during the day...thats the reason ive lost weight...i really need to change my habits...im losing all the weight in the wrong places...:( im just gonna fade away...

last buffy of the season was today, i recorded it of course...ive seen it before of course....next week is the new season!!!!!!!!!!! cant wait

i feel sick :(....stomach hurts....i feel like i want to throw up...*cries* really, hurts much....owwww..

hm..nothing much happening, did some book searching work, almost got done...listened to music....helped 1 person with a frozen computer....thats about it....no purties today....gosh, i sound like gollum...yessss my pretty.....eek

almost time to close down...guess ill just surf til then.

ok, thats all.....more later....ta.

gak, i hate people, they dont read the rules, then i have to go tell them....i hate being the mean one, they just dont listen..it clearly says "NO INTERNET GAMES!!!!!!" yet they still do, maybe the kids would do it, but i have this lady doing it....i just hate people.

i checked out 2 movies for here, "the talented mr. ripley" i havent seen it yet, and it has jude law!!!!!!!!!!!, yes, i need to be slapped.and i got "2001: a space odyssey", there was more things that i wanted, but the limit is 2....oh well, i hope i have time to see these 2.

oh yeah, a visit form mullet girl, shes back!!!!!.hehe...eek, her shoes are full of mud, she must have been roping cattle or something...hehe..

during lunch a coworker told me that i looked sickly thin...yikes, thats definitly not what im going for...its always something....thats not good....sickly thin....yikes...why cant my body ever be just right....nobody is ever content with it...im too fat, im too thin, why cant i just be right...*sigh* im gonna cry now......see, i hate people..im just gonna wear a bag over my head...or i could just say that thats the look im going for, heroin chic.....im gonna be a super model....what could i model? prolly strait jackets or something...now im gonna have both fat and skinny comlexes..nobodys gonna want me cos im too fat and too skinny...*cries* i just need to die and thats it.....no more worries...all i need is to find that special somebody that will tell me that im fine and make me believe it, then ill be truly happy.

ok, more later....maybe..let me bask in my misery.

the dreams must go on........yup, another dream was had...a strange one you ask...yes....ok, well there was this large group of us, a colony or something, we were like on this space station or something.....but it was earth......then it was like the end of the world, everything was blowing up...so all of us stood in a certain spot and waiting for the impact, we all started screaming before it even hit us...so then there was like a bright light and fire everywhere, we all felt the pain......but somehow we survived, but everything was in ruins, the place was in ruins......so then we all go out just scavenging, walking around in the desertion....then one of the guys liked one of the other guys(what is it with my dreams), but he wouldnt let him...i looked for him to comfort him....then we were like at a store parking lot....shopping cart...and then thats all i remember...*sigh* my dreams could make up some really fucked up movies..very lynchish.

just got to work btw, throat doesnt hurt as much today, tried not to eat as much, still got sick......right now i just have a cough, nothing some candies wont remedy :) ok, thats all, more later, prolly whilst in the lab....ta.

ok, first blogger was acting up, now so is my computer...ah!!, theyre all out to get me!!!

i didnt get to read like i said i would....maybe today

yay, i visited my old dj, and even made myself an animated gif thinger of some of my old piccys...yay

um....sleeps calling me...come to be....im coming...to bed that is :p love awaits in the dream world...that is SO me, only being able to find love in my sleep.. :(

thats about it...tata..

oh how exciting my life has become...my day off, what do i do?...eat, ricki lake, oprah, nap....*shakes head* not good at all.

tv used to be such a good friend, now...now im either not home, or too tired to even care....no time to watch arthur any more :(...only things that i actually watch are buffy, el clon, dragon ball z en espanol, misc news shows, dragon tales...i dont know why alot of peoples dont like that show, i love it...its so happy, fantastical, it makes me smile.....thats about it...everything else is just random eye strain...*sigh* oh tv, when did you go bad, saturday mornings how i miss thee

i still think the internet is evil....how did we do it growing up without it....just evil

i hate when the same spam thinger get sent to you multiple times....whilst checking my email for today i noticed that it said 580 new mesages....about 550 of those were the exact same thing....of course, non of the email was actual email for me, all junk....junk junk junk....oh well....tis my life....empty.

hm...dont think my symptoms match those of the west nile virus...you never know....

still ill....ive a cold or something....sickness....dunno why i got sick....not good...its not a good color for me

another weird dream, i think im having all these dreams cos of the sickness, thats what happens when youre sick, you have lots of dreams. another multileveled dream...ok um....watching tv cos there was gonna be some of my fav musicians on, the only one i remember was diamanda galas...in my dream she was a cross between herself and brody armstrong with the makeup and the clothing, but it was definitely diamanda, the one that introduced her was ellen degenerese...then i was watching star trek or something..temperal tears in space and time...dunno, then i was in it....had some pixie dust...made somebody fly....then we were watching the stars...the sky....all the constillations were visible in the sky at the same time....very purty....then the sky had some islands in it...they were "dragon warrior" type islands, the video game, rpg, they even had those little monster thingers....there was an island that had a tree with hearts in it....then my cousin was at my house so i lent him some magazines to read....then the library or somewhere....there was this guy next to me, he was looking at some directories, but they were like gay singles directories, personals if you will, he was looking for people to go out with...there was also a gay directory of single famous peoples in it...so then the guy told me that if i knew ANYBODY that was looking for somebody that he was there...so he left, and the librarian lady said that all the books better be in the correct order...so i was there fixing them, then some weird music came on....then i was thinking about that guy(im here).....then i dont know what was next....oh deary deary, me and my strange dreams...i must be dying...but i dont know that everything that was in that dream had been remembered from some time in my wakeness so it was all just some manifistation...eek

got up late, didnt get to see david in the soap opera :(

haveing a harder time typing than usual, must be the illness...not good.

tomorrow...dunno how im gonna do it, 1230-800....ow

supper was 2 trail mix bars and some ritz crackers....

sometimes i think that its not just the actual finding of somebody that is my kind down here, but acutally finding somebody that is my kind and that actually accepts me and all my faults...my innecessary faults..my flaws, my insecurities....my false sense of appearance, everything, somebody that makes me feel ok about everything, im ok, that im ok and thats fine, im fine....but.....where.

hmm...im queer(strange) but not gay(happy)....words are so weird. words and their multiple multiple meanings. "..are you gay? are you blue?.."

...............dunno, maybe all this is just the sickness talking....

ow...my throat still hurts...so what have we learned...puking=ow ow throat...moral, dont eat too much cos then youll be all owish, learn your capacity...dont be a cow...try and be like seinfeld, when he hadnt thrown up in many years...not until he ate the black and white cookie...but thats another story...so once again i say..ow....which reminds me, im hungry...i want some fries...*mmm fries* hehe.

im quite the catch arent i...*rolls eyes and fall over*..ok, enough of that nonsense.

i hate using gel, it always leaves my hair all crispy, even after washing and conditioning...still extra crispy..emphasis on the crisp.

my sisters such a loon, shes always commenting on how i look like certain peoples, well her latest suggestion was that i looked like johnny knoxville...dunno about that...so like i said, loon

i need more weird socks, dont have enough pairs of weird socks....white socks...blah

i hope to do some reading when i wake up...

i feel sick, im just gonna snooze now....my brain hates me, when i have to work it wants me to stay awake and when i dont have to work it wants me to sleep...ay ay ay....anyway, ill give in and take a snoozer...ok, adios....gnite...love me.

i laugh in the face of the sandman...sleep, who needs that...hahazzzzzzzz...um...yes.

ok, well my blog is getting plain, so i wanted to make it all purty and such, so heres a mighty purty pic of the uber wonderful david fumero to make us all smile with glee

whatever you want...

weird dream time again...lesse..um....i had a tortilla with chicken...haha...then i saved it in the fridge in a napkin...um....i was at a neighbors house and the tortilla was giant...um...teeth, again with the falling teeth...but it was like a whole section of teeth...dunno, always with the strange dreams.

my throat hurts mighty much...ow

after work to target we headed....yikes, many many peoples...too many, swarming with peoples...i was all like *eek* too many people, as you know, i cannot stand crowds of people, they make me mighty nervous...they were all closing in on me, all looking at me....anyway, i went to buy some gel and some pants...no purchase of musics today...as soon as i stepped into the store i was spotting purty boys....now i know, target is where to go!!!!...other than purty boys and being all psycho about the peoples nothing happened....

see, i guess work is no place for purty people...well, there was this one guy, but that was after it was already closing :(

also, after my dinner rolls, my sister was here, so i went to the dollar store with her, rare occurance..me hanging out with her, anyway, just browsing around the cheapy stuffs, i got some dumdums out of it :) also, this guy that worked there was also nice to look at...um...the door kept dinging so it was driving me crazy...um...so lollipops is good.

rain rain, quit bugging me....im all for the gloomy and greyness, but keep ye thunderies away from me.....

i also spent some time with my stray cat :) i risked west nile just to be with her...but its ok...it was lovely.

today is my day off so...woo i guess.

happy sept 16..*does grito to best of his ability and fails miserably*

um...that seems about right.

by 130 the lab had already reached its full capacity of 8 humanoids...others were turned away into the cold hard world....but wait, scary old man came and wisked those evil doing kiddies away....but the river is still flowing in..now 2 seats remain empty...eagerly awaiting to be warmed by some strange being....to be embraced....to fill the emtpy void...and yada yada...

yikes!! grotty guy in revealing clothing..eek

ok, well i just opened and i got a whole stream of peoples...5 to be exact, and its a real group of winners too.....stupid lady without her other half, already complained that it was too hot and stuffy..as if i have her here in the lab, stupid little kids with their games, this lady whose already all like *roar*......head hurts already, and so early on.

ok, well the stormies arent going anywhere plus i should be getting to bed, so i guess ill be ending it on this...*starts singing no doubt*...anyway, haha...the thunders and lightnings are growing weary and want to have fun...fun at my expense...they like traumatizing weak lil bois *waves* ...yikes...getting louder...the sky is yelling *go to bed silly boy* yes sky....quit yelling at me...ok, thats all....

maybe tomorrow i need to link a new purty pic of some shibby being seeing as how the current one is already putting its foots out the door....dont leave me..come back...

ok, now im done babbling...nite.

theres scary thunderses outside...eek

blah....just here wasting away...haha

ok, whilst viewing vids in lab, i came across the billy idol version of "heroin", oh my, what crap....i cant believe that they let him do something so horrible to such a wonderful song...he made it, or attempted to make it into some fucking dance techno thinger...not good, not good at all...then again, its common knowledge that improving on a velvet underground song is virtually impossible...im thinking that billy must have been on heroin whilst recording that...blah.

goldfrapp..love her voice...need to get some of her stuff...mighty good

lamya...love her song "empires"...very cool...and the vid, with her playing those drum thingers...and the men, just give her the men...mighty good.

well, the lab ended with nothing, just as it started..nothing....oh well, more of that will come later today...

came home...ate some dinner rolls for snack...had my sleepy time AGAIN, it just hits me hard...got up at like 910, watched the morrissey performace from the night before and then the "introducing morrissey" video....wah

i need an acurate scale, the one that we have likes to estimate or something...just the other day it said 159 and just today it said 157, i dont think thats acurate...then again, i really need to be avoiding the scale....not good at all...

once again with the unknown hunger meter....my hunger meter is all off, i dont know how much i can eat, its happened before, i end up eating too much, then i feel sick, stomach gets smaller yet mind set remains the same...sickness ensues...food just doesnt agree with me...

BUFFY!!!!, sorry...just had to throw that in..hehe

i think there was more, but i cant remember...eek.

well, its already been 2+ hours....nobody...er..i mean nothing interesting has happened....just boring peoples...there was this one guy that passed by with this girl, but thats about it.....also, i dont want to be mean or anything, but there was this nice old lady that i was helping with the computer and internet.....she kinda smelled and she wasnt even bagladyish....anyway, her daughter is a singer or something, so i was nice and listened to the 2 songs that were on her site....it was country...you know how i feel about country, but i listened to them anyway...then before she left, she asked me if i was a teacher cos i was mighty good..ok, she didnt say "mighty" but you get the gist....so she was niceish but...eek...thats about it..

i already finished my allocated work for the lab, so now its just surfing time...or i could read....but wheres the fun in that... :)

ok, more later...ta

well, im here in the lab, that couple thats always here...well, theyre here...grah....im on my doses of peppermints......listening to the vandels, havent listened to them in the longest time...the album "the quickening" is mighty great....its silly, but great...lots of punk today, ive been neglecting it...ive missed my somewhat punk past.....id like to meet me a punk person for myself...thatd be mighty awesome...id have somebody to be weird with.....*sigh* but then again, i guess anybody would be better than nothing....but enough of that.

ok, well ill be putting more stuffs as more people annoy me....so blah

thats all, gotta get up in 6 hours or so...then lab sitting....um...thats all....gnite and thank you.

just changed my desktop pic....i had james dean for a long time, then i had brody armstrong(the distillers), shes so beautiful....i love her voice, shes tim armstrongs(rancid) wife...shes just marv...anyways, now i have a lovely new pic of my tori...very purty :)

new obsession...watching "charmed" en espanol...haha....im so silly.

david fumero...thats all im gonna say....well, ok, ill say something else...yum.....haha....anyway

so at work i was all getting ready for my usual day, then i get a visit for one of the old ladies...it seemed that there was gonna be a historical meeting....so there i go, 2 hours listening to old folk talk about boring stuffs...oh well

when i got home i had my snack then watched the morrissey performance from the night before with my mum, then i came to my room to watch a dvd....im all ready and excited...start watching...during second song i just zone out....by the time i realize, its already 45 min into the dvd...i just turn it off...no use...so i zone out some more, then by the time i know it, its already 940, ive already missed most of my novela "el clon"...so i watch the ending...:( oh well...thats what i get for having such odd sleeping habits.

i had this dream yesterday....it was like 3 diff dreams in 1....um...cant remeber it all....ok, one part was here at my house, but the people from work were here....dunno....one of the women was in a bikini..dont know why, dont ask...then something about losing weight by doing squats...haha....ok, part two was about the morrissey performace that was gonna take place tonight, i was waiting for "every day is like sunday" instead, he started singing "1979" by sp....then some video with some girls dancing around came on...then morrissey sang a smiths song....dunno...my crazy thoughts....ok, third part...i was on this bus with my mum and dad...the three of us were in one row, we didnt fit, so my mom moved to the back...so i was sitting with my dad...so i have a cd player or something....im listening to the cocteau twins...so then these two guys sitting on the other side of the aisle start complaining that its too loud and they get all unruly...so my dad doesnt say anything and my mom gets up and tells them stuff and my dad too for not saying anything...yikes...weird tri-leveled dream...

wooh!!! that was fucking brilliant!!!! i had to get up and dance around whilst he sang...sing along too of course....he even added extra words to the end of the song.....now, the song fits me even more...."every day is silent and grey....when youre on your own...." so true....*cries*....my mums gonna go wild when she sees it, she loves morrissey(i addicted her to him) and she loves this song....im so crazy....

ok, almost morrissey time again on craig..."everyday is like sunday"...gonna be awesome....wah!!!!!

wah!!!! ok, morrissey did "the first of the gang to die"....mighty good...i cant wait for his new album...whenever it comes out...if ever...the song was uber....very chill inducing...now, ive got to wait til tomorrow for his lovelyness.....something to look forward to.

ok, well the craig and morrissey chat went well, craig wasnt as idiotish as he usually is....all in all...mighty good....it was great when the audience started doing the morrissey chant...wah!!!! ok, hes gonna do a new song now, and "every day is like sunday" tomorrow...i used to say that that song was gonna be my funeral song....:) ...good song.

morrissey is gonna be on right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, i guess im doing ok for sleeping at 6 in the morning.....i guess 5 hours is enough...but it was way worth it....chatting with my good friend..resolving things....pouring hearts....i am way more relaxed now....feeling somewhat more calm, at peace, some weight has been lifted....i think ill be better able to bear lifes thorns a bit more..somewhat more free....serenity somewhat....thank you.

today has been blah pretty much...there was one purty boy....hes one that i had seen quite some while back.....walking around and then in a study room...gave him the time.....no stolen glances.......but thats about it..

these 2 girls/ladies invited me to go with them to lunch, but i declined...first, i have my pb, second, i dont carry any money with me even though i should, third...dunno.....some strangeness....so eh.

ive been asked if i want to participate in the halloween thinger that they do....i could be a mummy or zombie or some other grotty thing.....dunno if i will, just dont know, i might have fun.....eek

all in all, not that bad a day..so far atleast.

almost time to leave....woo

hehe....im listening to the divinyls "i touch myself"....hehe....good song

"i want you...i dont want anybody else...when i think about you....i touch myself....oh...oh .ohohoh.....ahahah"...good stuffs. :p

hm....seems that the man we call "polar bear" may actually be a bear...yikes.....;p

yep, its been an 80s music day.....woo

um....i think thats all...who says sparse is bad.

ta

here i am....just done doing some research on the city name.....twas easy....ya.......ok, like everybody is wearing a red shirt today....im like the only blue shirt...its always me, im always the outsider *cries* also, ive got a name tag now, no..not one of those hard ones, just a cheap printed one that is laminated, but thats how they all are.....and its around the neck, no poking myself....so, is this a good thing of bad....time will tell.

whilst coming to work it was raining like a mother.....couldnt see anything..scary stuff.

im feeling somewhat better right now.....later ill prolly watch buffy with my mum or a dvd cos theres gonna be nothing on the telly, just rememberance of 9-11...i dont think i need to be watching that...not in my mind set...i saw it on tv when it happened, dont need to see it again....what was i doing when it happened?...sleeping...woke up, saw the telly and couldnt believe it...i didnt think that the towers could really be gone....anyway, enough of that....

im still peppermint addict today.

thats all....memories bad.....temperment declining....huh?..

happy one moment, reality sinks in, then comes the fear....here comes the fear again...

i was happy most of the day, then all of a sudden...dunno, i just slip....i think that i can be happy, but then i do realize the way things are....my self just doesnt let myself be whole...be happy....

when my mind fails, its causes my body to fail...whenever i slip up i feal my strength drain away...i stay all ragged...when the mind fails the mind opens...i start thinking...if nobody likes me at 159...is anybody really gonna like me at 155....the mind boggles...sometimes i wish that there really was a thing, a place, a being where all wishes and dreams and hopes would go and that they would maybe, be heard....

its raining....the sky is crying....it feels the pain...

well, my shiri appleby is on craig kilborn right now...so thats good...hmmm....she was the taco bell girl...haha...she does the same thing i do when im nervous...i giggle....seriously i giggle way too much, in person, on the phone, even chatting...its horrible...this guy even told me that i giggled too much...its weird that so many giggles can reside in such an unhappy person...huh.

just like 15 more min....yay.....nothing exciting happening.....just running kids, thats all.

read, me?.....no *cries* i watched vids instead, you know which vids are good, the daft punk ones, the anime ones...especially the "one more time" vid.at first that song kind of annoyed me, but now ive been all electojunky..seriously, i think its setting in..wah..other shibby vids, the shonen knife "daydream believer" and more that i cant remember...oh well, my memory fails me.

today ive been peppermint addict...:)

yay, i got to kick some people out of the lab...were they being unruly, no....its cos im gonna close.....see, im not mean to kick peoples out for no reason.

um.....i guess thats all for now....more in a few hours.......ta.

well, half the day is passed already..just here babysitting in the lab......just one person is in....oh wow......*sigh* just 2hours and half to go, nothing much happened today....i checked out 2 books during lunch, i got that junky book again so that i could finish it and i also got "jack kerouac: king of the beats" by barry miles....hm...should be a good read...i had already started reading one of his biography a few years ago in college i think...but no matter, its hard to find books....also, i helped somebody during lunch...i feel bad telling them, "NO, im out to lunch, be gone!".hehe.....but no, im a good boy.

i had another dream...ok, well my friend was in it again.....he was taking care of a nephew, dont know if he actually has one, but in the dream he did, his nephew had the same name as him and looked like him, just younger....and instead of the car that he has no, he had a station wagon..haha......there was more in my dream......cant remember...oh yeah, touched by an angel......that was in there also, but she didnt understand english cos she spoke angel....haha...so the others were talking bad about her, then she had this charm bracelet with animals, and when she would tear one off she would turn into it, so she turned into a raven...then i dunno why, but instead of roma downey it turned into whoopi goldberg...haha....dont ask me why...then she flew up to some attic or something....and baseball....that was in there too....haha......yes, im on crack or something....yikes.

ok, the lab is officially empty.....me alone.....im always alone :(......well, they wont disturb my listening to of screeching weasel...now, i could continue surfing, or start reading....this requires deep thought.....*tick tock tick tock* ill get back to you on that.

ok, more later....yay

i think thats all for now....grah, ive gotta be at work at 1230, go to my glass cage, then have lunch at 4, then go baby sit the lab til 8....yikes...so, 2 diff settings....and, ill be having my first lunch back which means that i can go look for new books to read or maybe finish some that i started and didnt finish, either way, ill be walking around scoping thing out...woo

ok, tata....til the cows come home...me?, no, i wont wait til i come home, of course im gonna update from over there, duh...this cows going no where...ok, gnite

oh yeah, dream time....i had this dream where this guy had alot of cds and i was looking at them, then i saw a belle and sebastian cd...but when i opened it, it was empty...also, people kept emailing me...hehe...um....there was something else, but cant remember....hmm...oh well....bah

see, i havent changed my piccy yet...weird, prolly everybody is all like yikes, but its one that i can actually tolerate...me and my forced smile..yay.

went to kmart...got a new sweater..yay, got a bag of peppermints..yay, and *drum roll* got "depeche mode - one night in paris: the exciter tour 2001" dvd...yes, i know im bad, shouldnt be buying thingers, but still!!!! it was there, it was calling out to me.."take me home!!!" i couldnt be a meany and leave it there...so now its all cozy here in my room :) mighty mighy goodness.

i want the "baz luhrmann's red curtain trilogy"..want it want it want it!!!! but dunno, 50 dollars...but it is 5 dvds....hmm....grah.

hmmm....this is old news, but tori supposedly fiilmed a piece of her new video with adrien brody...and we all think hes shibby...so, if its true then should make for a mighty good video.

new movie "swim fan"...well, i havent seen it, but you should, why? you ask, cos its got my purty girl shiri appleby...an you all know that i love her cos shes one of my roswellians...her and majandra and jason..love them 3...but since shiri is in the light right now, well support her!!!! or ill pinch you...:p

ok, thats enough random banter for now...mayhaps more later...yay

ok, well i was just watching craig kilborn...just channel surfing i swear ;) anyway, then he was doing this bit where he was promoting the best of morrissey cd...and he was all sad and drinking....and then he said that morrissey was gonna be on thursday and fridays shows!!!!!!! so of course thats gonna be the bestest thing ever....so now im all like woo!!!!..ok, everybody chant together *morrissey morrissey morrissey...morrissey*

also good, later today 2 eppy of buffy...TWO!!!!!! im gonna be at work til 8 so im gonna have to record them, but still...TWO!!!!!!! then next week season finale, then following week after that...NEW SEASON and BUFFY THE MUSICAL SOUNDTRACK RELEASE!!!

too much excitement...woo!!!

some commercials that are shibby at the moment...the aflac duck in the garage thinger...the 2 axe mens deodorant commercials, especially the male mannequin one, where the lady tells the other lady "get your hands off my MAN-equin"..hehe, of something like that....too good

i hate that i never have anything interesting to say.

yikes!!! thunders...better get off the net...tata

yay, im smiling....why you ask....cos theyre showing the 80s collection informercial....and of course we all love the 80s...shibby music, wacky clothing and hair styles....just too good....so, yay :):):):) yay.

eek(see, i wanted to let the word "yikes" rest for a while), i had 19 peoples today in the lab...and everyone of them a git.....seriously, and stupid little kids, and their parents too, leaving me to baby sit them whilst they go have sex or something...and the kids, what do they do?..they hold up the computers with the stupid nick or fox internet games....well, ive already made some new signs to post....NO INTERNET GAMES!!!!!!!!! actual peoples want to use the comps, but can they?...no!!! ..a stupid man even shut down the computer and then left like nothing.....and then those 2 annoying patrons, what do they spend hours looking at?.....3rd rock from the sun web sites!!!!!!!!! ay ay ay.......headache these people are headaches personified...well, only 24 min to go......but still.....no purty or possible peoples today :(

i think maybe i should just give up my search for anybody and just become a log...it would make my life so much easier....just ignore everybody...quit my whole purty person act and just die....theres a thought.....oh well.

no work tomorrow!!!!!!! my one day of rest.....well, i had said that if i could, i would want to work every single day to escape home....dont wanna be too bed potatoish.

anyway, i was trying to read this little tmnt kids book that was in here, but too much interruptions, so no dice...its kinda cheesy though, heres a little exerpt "They were turtles, but they weren't just turtles. They were mutant, they were ninja-...-and they were teenagers.".well, it made me laugh...mighty good, nobody said that cheese was bad....

ok, thats all, more very very later.....ok, much love...me

yikes!!!!! ok, well i get here at like 101 and so im all running around like a headless chicken..so, boss man jr tells me the lab is open, so i scurry up stairs and there is already annoying patron walking around, ready to go in, so i go to the door and its locked....so back down stairs i go, scurrying again, go behind the counter and get the keys, scurry yet again up stairs, and right at the top of the stairs is boss man jr who says that he just opened the lab for me..so i give him the keys and scurry some more into the lab and turn all the computers on.....so again i "yikes" hmm....i think that should qualify as todays exercise regime...so finally im here sitting down in the lab with both annoying patron and his annoying wife(they stay in the lab like 6 hours everyday!!!!!!!!)....ok calms self down.

today i brought some punk cds to listen too, ive been neglecting my punk collection, so i have screeching weasel, the vindictives, the distillers, and jon cougar concentration camp.....woo

i had a dream about one of my friends.....also, strangely enough, i dreamt about the comp lab...yes, all the computers were going wonky and such....ay ay ay

SAY HI TO ME!!! YOU, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!, NO, NOT YOU....YOU OVER THERE, HIDDEN IN YOUR SHELL(yeah right, you prolly dont even visit any more)...

ok, enough of that....more later......expect some complaints...and we all love those...yay

sorry, thoughts still jumbled in my noggin...

anyway, thats all...sleep must i.....so to sleep i go...yeah, that sounds about right....tata

it seems to me that theyre always showing that zumba infomercial...hm....who wants to be watching a bunch of hot sweaty people jumping around...hehe...anyway...

anya anya anya...love her!!!!

phone call today...nobody special, just somebody....why is it that when you want the stud you always get the dud...hehe thats in reference to the simpsons episode that i saw yesterday...they were playing that dating game and homer got the stud and bart the dud and the dud looked like milhouse..hehe...anyway, you get the gist....so, as i was saying, it was just a dud...prolly not nice to call people dud especially when nobody else calls....oh well, that me, i can be ogre and unogre in the same day...i like to think of myself as versitile..hehe..

something that ive got to live with, the thought that just cos you dont say something doesnt not make it true....hm

when i got home from work, ate my tortillas and again with the nap....i guess that makes me nap guy....well, i guess if i didnt go to bed so late/early i wouldnt be nap guy, but meh...what else am i gonna do with my life..

i hope i get a better crop of peoples later on in todays lab session...maybe?....yes please.

i think my personal anthem is "undone(sweater song)"...really, seeing as how i am sweater guy...if you try and take it from me, i might have to stab you, but i might come undone if you destroy my sweater, or jacket, or windbreaker...hehe...yes, i pay too much thought to stupid stuffs...yay.

watched the venus/serena tennis game....it should have lasted a little longer....i wanted venus to win, well, i like both of them, but let venus win one....anyway, it was mighty good.

um....more later if my brainy matter lets my thoughts flow free-er...huh...exactly, huh....haha

ok, ive done my good deed for the day, there was this guy that needed a diskette and couldnt find one anywhere, so i gave him one of mine....well, the only one that i happened to be carrying..so i deleted my stuffs, scratched off my name, and gave it to him....see, im not an ogre....now, when i say i guy i really mean boy/teen....scary thing is, he kept calling me "sir"....yikes!!!! i feel mighty old now...i wasnt that much older than him, maybe 6 years.....well, i guess that is alot....doubleyikes!!!!! im gonna cry now...im gonna die alone and im mighty old! *cries*

almost time to leave in like 25 min...today wasnt that bad....no throttling of people..hehe.....which reminds me, buffy buffy buffy...yay, some buffy goodness today later on...wah

ok, thats all for now more later at an ungodly hour.....ta

well....here i am in the lab...about 8 peoples...mostly kids....so, no possibles in here....and i get to see their lib cards, so it says if theyre still considered children or not....i tell you, its either children or old folkies....yikes!!!!!!

just 2 more hours...keep telling myself that, just 2 more hours....

i already finished my alotted work, so now im stuck web surfing, which isnt that bad a deal i guess....then tomorrow again...since the work givers are gone for the weekend, i guess tomorrow will be surfing again...oh well.

listening to music now.....have to had headphones...oh well, my own of course, i dont want to use the grotty ones that are here that everybody else uses...yuck.....anyway, i already listened to screeching weasel, trainspotting 2, and now morrissey....woo

nothings gotten too roudy(sp?) yet...good, cos id be all like "quiet you".....hehe, yeah right, prolly get stabbed or something...yikes!!

so, i was able to fall asleep this morning....yay, got up ate my supper and watched some tennis...they were showing the arthur backstreet boys thingy again around 11....just watched a piece cos i missed the beginning and then anne of green gable cartoon..yes, i like it...dunno, i like most kiddy programs....most, not all mind you...i tend to shy away from any disney kiddies...but thats another story that ive done before.

ok, thats all for now...

i think msn and blogger are in it together...both are being cows....

um....nothing much more to say...should go to sleep....will go to sleep....will try to go to sleep...i hope that coke doesnt keep me up anymore...ive got to get up in 6 hours for work...eek!!!...should be enough time.

one of my teeth hurts....

um....watched charmed en espanol...hehe...and once again conan rerun with belle and sebastian...tre bien.

ok....ya....nite

well, msn is being a cow and not letting me sign in, but then again, its always being a cow...moo

today at work was mighty blah...nothing interesting happend, just saw one interesting person...but nothing....but meh

ok, well i got home and had a terrible craving for a coke, so i put one in the freezer so that i could be all nice and frosty for later...had some tortillas with butter substitute, then around sevenish i got tired and zoned into nap lap...woke up at like 9 something....watched some "el clon" and then around 10 took a bath...well, whilst bathing i remembered my coke in the freezer...ay ay ay, so after getting out i rescued it from the freezer...but there really was no saving it..specially for another day, so even though i had already brushed my teeth and it was somewhat latish i still decided to not waste and drank/ate the slushy remainder...sometimes im such a ditz...now im all like "YIKES!!!"...oh me

well, remember yesterday how i asked the sheepies to give me purty dreams, well they gave me this strange one...ok well i was working in this hospital or something and i was all like following this purty patient around..haha...dunno, then the hosptial became like an expensive hotel or something with fountains and alot of elevators...then people from work were there to....oh well

ok, well later today im gonna have to baby sit peoples in the comp lab...hope i dont get any grotty peoples, maybe ill even get atleast one purty person to help....prolly not, but mayhaps.

well.....maybe more maybe not...oh yeah, i remember something...on the way home..guess what was on the radio...yes, jimmy eat world again!!!!...*woa oh oh oh oh oh ohhhhhh*...i tell you.

here at work....

ive got jimmy eat world on the brain, first this morning on the carson daly show they did those 2 songs that get stuck in my head, then i think that i dreamt that i kept hearing one of those songs on the radio, then whilst coming to work, they played one of the songs..eek its attacking me from all sides!!!!!!!!

yay, heard "dancing queen" by abba on the way to work, thats always a good song to start off the day with.

um.....thats it for now.....meep

SLEEP!!!!!!!!!

little lambies...take me away...sing me to sleep...give me purty dreams with just the right peoples.

zzzzzzzzzzz...um...zzzzz...gnite..zzzz...

lisening to "agaetis byrjun"by sigur ros....its one of my sad mellow floaty songs...

did some more yarding this evening...yikes....it wasnt that bad..just a bit bad...the nice thing was the weather....the weather..the atmosphere...it was all so fallish...fallish goodness....and you know how i love fall...it was all fresh and breezy...and the freshly cut grass...the combination of it all was just fabulous...i was actually somewhat happy for like a second...just being around this peacefulness....of course it also made me sad...sad that i dont have anybody to share this moment with...to enjoy the beauty with....*sigh*

now..."sexy boy" by the frenchly french band air...such a happy wonderful song....will it ever?...will i ever?...should i even?...do i really need to smile....sorry, just me and my crytocity.

now "donimo" by the lovely cocteau twins...so anyway, last night i had such a beautiful dream...i dreamt that i was at work, then somebody came up to me and actually wanted to meet me...ME...and i was all smilish and giddy...it was just great...but then again, it was only a dream.

nothing much on the telly...guess ill watch will & grace....its ok, but sometimes i think it tries too hard...ok, it is funny..

i think at work theyre purposely trying to aneurate me...seriously..first it was 26 hours, then 32, then 39, then 0, then 19 and now..now its up to 30....well, its cos the computer lab guy left...so now im in charge of the lab..well just half the time...so now im gonna work 6 days a week...yikes...but its ok...its not as if i have a life or anything....meh..anyway, mayhaps ill meet some interesting peoples...im really gonna try...now, if only the right type of peoples would show up...not just old ladies and school kids.

lately ive been yikesing alot...i "yikes" atleast 5 times a day...but prolly more than that...once i get something in my head it stays there for a while...my weak mind.

the gap commercial with willkemp...it reminds me of somebody *cries*..but still...i like watching it, even if it brings bad memories....

still, i wonder "what am i doing with my life"....it just wants to drive me crazy...i want to go crazy....this isnt the life i want...i dont want to be stuck here in the hellmouth all my life....i want to go back to school...i want a job that i can love...i want somebody that i can love....but no, what do i got...myself....thats just rich isnt it...and im not even worth much....

yikes.....

yikes!!!! seriously, i think im gonna aneurize myself....freaking self photos...just today ive already had 3 diff new photos...at first im all like "oh that pic looks ok" then when i go back later on, im all like "yikes...scary cow"...i just dont think that im ever gonna be content with my face, thats the problem...yes i know, im griefing myself for stupid fucking reasons...thats just me...yeesh

im sleepy.....sleepy sleepy weepy weepy....go to sleep with little sheepys...see, im babbling already

back to the subject of personals...i dont think id be able to fill one out without stressing myself out...i know that id put too much info...stuffs that people dont even want or need to know....id be too honest...and be negating myself....id be all like...um...im creepy and crazy and fat and ugly and you dont really want to know me....and so on....i dunno what to do with myself.

....if youre out there..let me know.....

*mumble mumble*....thats all....TIRED!!!! ok....buh.........bye.

heeeeeeerroooooooiiiinnnnn.......thank god that im good as dead...and thank god that im not aware...and thank god that i dont care.....and i guess i just dont know...and i guess that i just dont know....*sigh*...its just me listening to a live version of "heroin" by lou reed with john cale and nico.....its mighty good of course...that song always gets to me...it burrows deep into my souls and lingers there for a while....now its live version of "i'll be your mirror" sung by the uber fantastic...the one and only...femme fatale herself...NICO of course...but you already knew that....love her to bits and bits and bits....

well, today was back to work day...eek...well, it wasnt bad, not bad at all....just 4 hours...i wasnt really sleepy or bored or nothing...i guess its cos it was til 1 as opposed to 9 in the morning.....so, i got there, surprised peoples with my presence...um...did more visiting, burned some cds.....baby sat some lady that needed some directories, spoke to boss man, visited some more...thats about it...also, on my first day back and i saw 2 purty boys...so, thats pretty good for my first day back...woot

now listening to "das lied der deutschen" by once again, NICO!!!!

you know, each day the personals look more and more inviting....i spend way too much time looking at those things....just looking mind you....not now, maybe not later...hopefully not at all...

more later....wah

yay for buffy..or sarah, whatever you want to call her, she finally got married!!!! good for her...as long as it doesnt get in the way of her buffy responsibilities....anyway, today i watched buffy...of course...i still think that xander should have died instead of tara :( ....atleast we will still see some of her next season...which starts in 3 weeks!!!!! so, youll be seeing buffy going up on my obsessionmeter thingy on the side...and buffy musical soundtrack!!! its as good as preordered...haha

blarg, other than buffy goodness, nothing really happened today...just blah blah blahness...well, i guess there is SOME news, well..today...later on that is, my job continues...yes, the job that finished starts again....i know i know, they just want to cause me extra grief and headacheiness...but it will be at WAY less hours...but still....its something i guess...plus i get to window shop people again...so yay!!!!

um....yeah, thats about it....til the laters.

im sleepy...dont want to go to sleep yet, if i do then ill be awake early, and i dont want that...the later i wake up the less day i have to endure....i used to be really good at sleep at 530 everyday...but now, im always tired....dunno...its age thats what it is...my aching bones....

yay, its almost fall!!!! i love fall, its my fav season...not too hot, not too cold...just right...well in theory it should be, but its not always..but it should....just about 19 more days til fall...wah

yuck, there was this scary giant anty outside earlier...actually there were 2...dont like antys...dirty little monsters...haha...sorry, blur song....anyways...yuck = ants...

i hate msn, its being such a cow...really

shipsmates is so funny, i love the dry wit....can you say "haha"

today i was still have thoughts of college...i still want to go back to a real college...

....thats all...too sleepy to think correctly....zzzzzzz

theres just something about robson green...just charming or something..dunno....i like all the things he comes out in...dunno.

woo!!!! conan rerun with david bowie!!!..."slow burn" and "cactus"...just earlier today i was making my mum listen to that album..hehe..if youre gonna be my mum might as well be a mum with good musical taste...yeah...i also made her listen to rasputina & belle and sebastian.

today there was some yard mowing involved...yuck...mighty yuck...but oh well...and then it rained a bit...when i live on my own, im gonna have a cement yard...hehe.

today was some good tv viewing...buffy..always good, 2 more eppys of arthur in addition to the one i saw early this morning..mighty funny...especially when d.w. said that they were gonna be organs like in oliver twit..haha....well, you had to see it to find it amusing...um..some more telethon..and my novela el clon....wah.

yay, today i got to carry mah stray cat...gave her some chicken bones...love her!!!!

oh yeah, also watched some radiohead video....ive got one of those thom york eyes...eeeee....seriously..on thom york eye, and one trauma enduced twitchy eye......arent i a treasure....blah

will i still be here when you finally realize?.....hopefully i will...

just a quick comment...haha....ok well i was browsing and came across the nimbus 2000 broom thinger from harry potter that they sell in amazon...well, in the comments, theres this mother that says that her daughter can play with it, only with the batterys out...apperantly it vibrates when you place it between your legs...haha...well, i thought that it was mighty fun....vibrates...haha....oy whats next?...blow up dolls?....scary!!!!!!...anyways, --> click here if you wanna see for yourself...just too funny....brilliant really.

ok, now im really done(or dumb...you decide).

well im guessing thats it for now...

boo hoo...sad sad..sorry, just had to throw that in, otherwise you might start thinking that im all happy or something...we wouldnt want that now.

...i want to go back to school....learn more...meet people...live life...*sigh*....oh well.....i guess i could go and pay for it with the money that grows on our money tree in the back yard....while im out there ill play with the pixies and fly through the air.

ok, stick a spork in me cos im doooooone.....ssssssssssssssssss

bye people on the other side of the screen.

hm....theres these peoples on the telethon doing an abba medley....mamamia, take a chance on me, dancing queen, fernando, and waterloo...well, its not the original, but i guess its good for what it is....

ok, the arthur thing was good...i liked it even though the backstreet boys were in it...over all it was mighty good....it even had muffy proclaiming that she was "muffy the vampire slayer"...haha...just too good.

still watching the telethon....hmm...CHARO!!!! isnt she something...in her 60s and still hot hot hot, plus she plays a mean guitar...shes one of the best classical guitarists in the world you know...wah

WAH!!!! theyre showing the arthur special right now!!!! ill look past the whole inclusion of backstreet boys and enjoy the fact that its arthur...oh my gosh!!! cartoon backstreet boys...eek...haha....oh my...mighty funny....ok, must watch so that i can complain once it finishes...hehe.

hmmm....i love kung fu movies, especially the supernatural ones....mighty good stuffs...but not the cheap american ones....give me the real thing...the cheap asian ones...yeah

oh, nancy sinatra was on the telethon....she did "these boots are made for walkin'"....yay for aging one hit wonders...yay

well, today was as boring as usual...sleep, eat, sleep, tv, blah blah.....um....got up, ate lunch, read the sunday paper, watched some tennis, but it was an old one cos there was a rain delay, watched some buffy and some dragon ball z, took a nap...got up, watched the telethon, had a granola thinger for supper...and now im here, webbing and watching a cheap kung fu movie and the telethon and whatever else is on right now..woo

i think some relatives came over, but i was asleep...so eh

oh yeah, happy labor day...or something...

um...i guess thats about it.....if this keeps up i might die from all the excitement.

ta

well, im still awake...big surprise there huh...

decided to put a dif lyric..let blur rest for a while...ive decided on "all apologies" by nirvana...i feel that song fits me really well...people who know me know that im always apologising for everything...things i do, things they do...faults i cant fix, etc...i just apologise too much...but thats just how im wired...maybe if im sorry, theyll like me a bit longer...keep me for a while more..realize that i accept full blame...and for that moment, i really am sorry, so..will you take my "sorry" in exchange for a few more minutes of your time? will you let me take your faults and be sorry in your part?..forgive me, im sorry M....

...anyway, its weird, but during their hayday i was never a nirvana fan...i remember it all, junior high-highschool...nirvana was everwhere...grunge...meh...oh well..they came, they went, their here to stay in our hearts..

those who read...sorry if im not good enough, smart enough, funny enough, trendy enough, exciting enough, man enough, pretty enough, honest enough, veggie enough, brave enough, rich enough, sorry enough, happy enough, thin enough, tall enough, heterosexual enough, homosexual enough, asexual enough, human enough.....just let me be me...isnt that enough?..please, let it be enough.

sometimes i wonder if i will ever be truly happy...find true happiness...no, i dont mean just stealing happy hours....not "oh!!! buffys on" happy for a moment things....real happiness...."screw everything thats happening around" happiness...but happiness isnt really allowed around here....to be happy is to be different...its frowned upon.....im frowned upon...these people, they want to engulf everything that is different in frowns..me, my own frown is engulfing me...

is honesty really that great....it just makes people fear you...but, its better to say it sooner that later, no?....tell them now so that they dont waste any time...tell them later and they leave you after all thats been gone through....do i ever learn?....but of course not...that wouldnt be fun now would it?

um....i guess thats all...im tired...but then again, im always tired...sleepy...meh....oh well...tata

blah blah blahbityblah

well, today was putry blah...well, what should i expect, its always blah

today was a mighty buffy day...watched 4 eppys of buffy...so im all full of buffy goodness

well, i was changing channels a few hours ago and there on a mexican talk show...guess who was there....it was gael garcia bernal...see, i knew it, im psychic...or psycho...something like that..so anyway i was all like woo!!!!...yes, i need to be slapped...haha...*sigh* i need a hobby.

also watched tennis today...caused me stress, but thats just cos im weird...also watched some mountain dew extreme games thinger...mostly bicyclers...still good.

pspspspspssss..um....more later...maybe....well prolly....meh