What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
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Which monkey are you?
Another pointless diversion from Bijouriel

the new sigur ros album "( )" is soooooooo dreamy...its making me sadish...they always have that effect on me....oh *sigh*....im just gonna listen and float away....float..............cry inside.....float.....:' )

hmm...the korean guy started talking to me...ooooooh. yes, i need to be slapped with a fish...haha....ok

its raining cats and cats outside...CATS!!!!!!!!.....ok, now im done.

finally got my new tori and sigur ros cds in the mail, that excitement totally nullified any halloweenishness that was in my head...no freaky dress up...just me dressed all in black....my regular work getup.......though my hair is a bit higher :) than usual.

i think its gonna be slow today due to the gloomy drizzzzzly weather and the fact that people will be or rather should be out having fun instead of spending it here with the likes of us in the library....then again, the world is full of weirdos.

whilst downstairs there was this guy on a computer...kinda looking at me...but theres something that ive noticed....most of these guys give off an air of stuckupness....dont seem friendly....i know not all are like that, but most are....oh well.

im still sick..meh

lets see how the day progresses.

yarg...sleepy....ive been taking less naps lately...well, ive been forcing myself to not take naps...zzzzz...um....napless me = *ROARzzzzzz*

as you can see, im back to posting regularly, that is..until i get all disgruntled again.

um...happy halloween i guess...ive decided that mayhaps ill dress something wise...maybe....im gonna go normal for me...in my cloths...spike my hair, maybe mohawk it...wear MY cloths...normal cloths..normal to me...my converse..yay....lets see if my hair permits....so, ill get to be me!!!! and if they dont like it, they can go fuck themselves with forks :)...rusty ones.

IM SICK!!!!!!!

ive been thinking, yes..even though i said i wouldnt...anyway, i was thinking about "study room guy"...um...i was thinking that maybe its best if we dont cross paths or even meet...if we did i just know that it would turn out all sorts of evilish...my image of him would be ruined...he would open his mouth and something abhorant would come out...i just know it...its better to have nice little hopes and dreams instead of living a nightmare....but yes, im pretty sure i saw him in the study room, but decided not to loom around...dunno, everything with me just seems to end badly.....blah

head hurts....SICK!!!!....i think ive learned to hate the radio again..being barraged by constant crap...

steve burns site was finally updated...made me somewhat happyish....yay.

well, lets just see how things progress today....and now i sleep...mmmm...sleep.

oh yeah, i think ive got a cold again!!!!!!!!!.........im a magnet for this sort of thing.

ok well they showed both tori and david bowie on tv this morning..of course i wasnt awake, but i taped them....tori was good, made up for missing her yesterday on david letterman, missed her by 3 min...just a bit irate, but im already better....bowie was good as well, got some "rebel rebel" out of him....good stuffs.

the internet is going through some craziness around here, gonna have to turn them all off at around 3....eeeee.the internet is being jello.

still having a bit trouble trying to keep this fake smile on my face.....hard work.

ive been listening to alot of morbo and moenia.....mexican electronica.....like depeche mode in spanish.....both bands are virtually the same as morbo broke free from moenia...he left and has his own band.....sound basically the same....dunno, just in a spanish mood.

tomorrow is halloween, of course im a sorts of who cares, but meh......ill be stuck here...dont think im gonna dress or anything..just wear all black, but then again, thats always me.

currently listening to bjork gudmundsdottir & trio gudmundar ingolfssonar "gling-glo" yes, its jazz, but its bjork so its ok.....besides, who doesnt like jazz tunes sung in icelandic...my fav song on there is "i cant help loving that man".....really groovy.

the grotty girl that comes with her grotty boyfriend was here.....yes, she was still staring at me....shes always staring at me, drives me batty.....shes so obvious.......*sigh* i should just go up to her and be all like "yes?" can i help you...oh, sorry, i dont lean that way...well, not for you at least. ;p

yesterday......oh yesterday.......ok, well it was the evening already, of course i was walking around, im not gonna stay stuck in the lab.....so i was talking with the old lady that works near me.....we were walking around the book shelves...so in a study room there was this guy and girl...he was all nap ready so the old lady goes in and tells him..."sleeping isnt allowed in here" so he energizes...then he looks at us through the glass.....yes, he was all yumish and sorts, tattoo around his muscle ala barbwire....so ofcourse hes in my head so then i go on with my business.....around 730 i was still out of the lab near the stairs, well a few feet atleast...so im there still talking with the lady....then there he and his girl pass....but then...dunno...hes near the stairs...first step down, then he turns and looks at me, straight into my eyes....of course im all thinking *ummmmmm...uhhhh* then he starts going down the next step and he turns to look at me again!!! by then i was all melting...i just looked back...tried not to smile or anything too much cos i dont want to smile at the "wrong" people...i mean, you know my heads not right, they could have been looks of hate or something....i always see things that arent there...anyways, it really looked like he wanted to come back up instead of going down..he had that look that he wanted to approach, but i guess he didnt want to keep his girlfriend waiting or seem odd.....then again, he could have wanted to go pummel me or something.......yes, im crazzzzzzzzy with all my little made up scenarios. but it made me feel ok for a while...it made me feel normal, unquasimodoish....if it was true, that somebody like that could have looked at me...of course we all know that im never gonna see him again.....very unlikely , but it was a nice feeling....i guess i can pass this off as something exciting happening to me :)

i guess thats all for this edition.

ok, well nothing note worthy has happened but i just decided to write..

well, im going back to pretending to be happy...gonna try to be more smile-ish less frowny...nobody likes gloomy guses...so, this is me :) with my mask.

im gonna try to think less, thinking only leads to suffering, dumb people are happy, they dont think about all the problems...im not gonna think about my problems or those of the world, just not gonna think...hope that works.

started reading "i am the cheese" i read this like 4 years ago in college whilst wasting time in the library....just decided to read again, short book.....the cheese stands alone.....

........:) :( :) :( :) :( :) :( :) :( :) :( :) :(........

ok, well ive reached my boiling point....im giving up for a little while. im gonna try to focus less on life and more on work, thats all that matters right? work. no more "maybe today's". just work work work...let the blog rest a while...ill put something if something happens, thats not likely to happen, so it might be a while....ill prolly be going to be earlier too, no more late night net surfs...rest my body for work...thats about it

bye for now.

and so its dead until it finds a life.

david bowie is gonna do 2 songs on conan....that should smile me for a while...

sings along to radio "...little things i should have said and done...you were always on my mind..." *sigh* oh petshop boys...take me away from this mess.

its dead

well, i checked out 3 books during lunch, mayhaps they might keep my attention....ive started reading "scary kisses" by brad gooch, its about this male model....hmm......yes, im lame......im already on pg 43.....tre good, but too exciting for library reading..... ;P

labs been pretty much full...i did have this yumish guy, but he was here with his girlfriend...theyre gone.....everybody else is pretty much yuckish...yes, ive the vocabulary of a bopper......meh

just about an hour more to go....blah

maybe tomorrow....speaking of which, im gonna be stuck downstairs at the reference desk, im gonna be all like *eek* i hope i dont get any evil peoples...

and so i return to the water torture that is my life...bye.

well arent i lucky.....ive got the butch girl, 2 old folk, some woman, and the mid aged porn watcher.....*sigh*

i had a dream!! no, not about adrien brody and his arm, :) it was about my friend....well, in the dream we had severed ties......then i found out something that might hurt/humiliate him, so i decided to warn him....some how i knew that he was at school, so i went to his room and they were having a party with lots of models.....there was like a runway thinger and i was pushing all the female models off...anyways, i go up to him..hes all nice like if nothing happened between us, then i tell him and hes all like "huh"....so then i was glad i did cos we started talking again........then the dream morphed into some weird thing with cops....they had to search us, we were on the road somewhere, then there was alot of chinese people and they were running from the bulls like they do in spain..dunno nice dream then went all wonky....go figure.

yes, yes, yes, i am here again..just 1 person is here right now....butch girl, not mullet girl, this is a different butch girl...just my luck, i just get butch girls..meh

im listening to rancid right now!!!!! mighty good

its still cold.....well im cold.

just 7 more hours to go

more later i guess......

maybe today....maybe.

huh....weird.....i like both brody armstrong and adrien brody & his strong arm...isnt that weird....he really does have a nice arm...anyway, now im just being psycho...haha...ok, gnite....

and the oddest video in the world goes to "a sorta fairytale" by tori amos...scary....the best part about it is the tre lovely adrien brody :) . um...brief descrip...tori is a leg with a head and adrien is an arm with a head...so they fall in love, but theyre from different societies, etc....very odd...and toris foot has this weird toe that makes people laugh at her, but adrien still likes her and when they finally accept that they dont care that theyre different they mature and grow the rest of their bodies...odd but sweet video...give you nightmares..or nice dreams of adrien...dunno which. click here to go download it or see more stills

she was a leg..he was an arm...thats life...

tonight the world is alone....

some peoples purpose in life is to make others miserable, and somes purpose is just to be petty and cruel...my purpose?..take up space.

i like the abuse...it gets me by.

its not the world, its me...im just too indifferent...i dont want to try new things....im keeping myself down...i wont let myself, its me, not you....

i hate work, its only purpose is to drain me of life and hope.....

hmm....whos gayer...kylie, tori, cher, madonna?....yes, ive had better thoughts.

im hungry

...who will love me now?....

at work i was watching all the rancid videos and a couple of distillers vids, thats why i went on my little tim and brody rant...i miss rancid, i remember back when...maybe ill take the cd to work for a listen...i miss those days...now everything is crap.

i took my nap at 615 and didnt wake up til 9..i was all like..eek..so late...oh well...no matter.

i was just thinking...again....so many people can sing, yet only a few become famous...its got nothing to do with talent...youve got the look or you dont....how idiotic...i wish i could sing...well, less cow more bird.

i guess thats all....

best looking couple?.....tim and brody armstrong, both are mighty beautiful, well if you like that weathered away punk look they are. and both had mighty pretty voices....<3 theyre perfect.

just a few more min. well, it didnt happen today...i think im running out of "maybe today's" theres only so many i can have...im on my last bottle.....*sigh*

its still mega cold in the lab.....frozen fingers type slothy.

i guess tomorrow might be a better day....maybe tomorrow.....thats the best i can do.

today was my umpteenth hair style....instead of the front, i did it to the back....still weird looking, thats all that matters....now if i could just change the color...maybe

ok......i bid you adieu or something like that.

sorry.

the "bad cover version" video by pulp is mighty funny and good.....its mightyfunnygood.......yes

ok, ive just been informed that im to be stuck in the lab all of next week too!!!!!!!!!! ZYGOTE!!!!!!!! i just need out of here....get away...far away.........

oh!!!!!!!!! i forgot to end with my famous saying.

maybe today......maybe.

yes, here i be......gee i need to come up with a better intro, i seem to be broken record guy :S

listening to the smiths, havent listened to them in a while...depressing music for depressing job.

ive already got 4 peoples..the couple, a woman, and a big man...now, if i could get a yummy guy in here i wouldnt complain.

it seems to be in slow motion..life....i see it passing by really slowly like gel...really thick....a fish bowl full of really thick water....sludge....we trudge through it...not a ripple in sight.....your screams have no sound, just an air bubble...

just 3.5 more hours of hell

.......................................................................................................

oh buffy....

the cat in the hat is for me...

the backlash is yet to be felt

and so my fate is set into motion....its veering to the right, but is it right?

tara :'(

work was humdrum all day...nothing much...blah blah

this one girl would never leave, didnt leave like til 8 min after i threw everybody out...gah.

today i rested...no hurting myself....supper was pringles, granola bar and dry cereal..

um....ya

gah, the archive feature of my blog isnt working...

my head and eyes hurt already

i only have 1 person in the lab, and its really cold in here

im ready to open the door and go out screaming and running.....

maybe today......

oh hells bells.......it seems im stuck in the lab all week.....now im never gonna get the scanning done!!! rah.....sure i complained about being stuck in the archives, but atleast it was a change of scenery, and now...just being innundated by radiation from all the computers. AH!!!!!!!!! so early and a lady already shut the computer off!!!!!!! AH!!!!!!!!! by the end of being in the lab for 7 hours im gonna need some pills or something....i can already feel the stressssssssssssss

ZYGOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i said zygote cos i didnt feel like saying fuck)

of course ive done the dumbest thing in the world

gnite

my back hurts yet i continue....i will continue...pain?..ha.

the truth will set you free..........................or kill you in the process..

you know youre sad when you get youre "excitement" from the internet.

once again, i love this weather, i dont have to use the ac with its artificialness, real air is nice.

maybe today...

im hungryish....just a bit...meh

i think i need new pants, all my current pants make me look extra soggy.

my room smells of death...mine.

my life is such a chore...a draining chore.

but of course the day was mighty boring..what would the my life be without the ennui? normal? we cant have that.

um..eat watch telly nap more telly and comp....bleh

the beautious weather continued, i was outside a bit around 8, i like the dark...there was a scary dog in the street, it was all like *i want to bite your leg off* and i was all *yikes!!*...but the weather is mighty great.

had a dream about a certain guy...well he was here at my house and i couldnt get a chance to talk to him, all my family wanted to talk to him...then i helped him make some food to eat and then he hid in a car...and my sister was being evil and we had to wait for her to come home cos she would never arrive, then guess what...thats what happened a while ago we had to wait for her to get home from work cos she had the car...didnt get here til 12...thats what always happens, she cant be trusted...shes just adding to the craziness of an already crazy house...not good...she cares only for herself.

i was a bit saddish earlier...just thinking about my life...only one tear...i just dont cry as much anymore...i guess thats a good thing.

thats all....thats all..

well, got out of work, went to target got my gel..yay...um, nothing much else...lots of scary peoples, crowds, walls closing in, same ol same ol.

got home, had my dinner rolls, then my nap...watched some telly, was a bit lazy, and here i am, yes, just a regular day in a regular life...er..or a regular day in an irregular life...

hmm...i always seem to forget what i was gonna write... "fire bad, tree good"

the weather is really lovely right now, melt away lovely. i want to be outside and let myself float to the fresh winds, forget myself in the stars...like i always say, i love this weather, the cuddling weather. anybody out there wanna share this joy with me?...well, my stray cat will i guess :(.

well, once again ive reverted to my hindi music obsession...asha asha asha, youre just marv.

here are some of my phobias:

Acrophobia- Fear of heights.
Agliophobia- Fear of pain.
Agoraphobia- Fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, public places like markets. Fear of leaving a safe place.
Agrizoophobia- Fear of wild animals.
Aichmophobia- Fear of needles or pointed objects.
Anthropophobia- Fear of people or society.
Anuptaphobia- Fear of staying single.
Aphenphosmphobia- Fear of being touched. (Haphephobia)
Apiphobia- Fear of bees.
Arachnephobia or Arachnophobia- Fear of spiders.
Arsonphobia- Fear of fire.
Asthenophobia- Fear of fainting or weakness.
Astraphobia or Astrapophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.
Athazagoraphobia- Fear of being forgotton or ignored or forgetting
Atychiphobia- Fear of failure.
Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself.
Cancerophobia- Fear of cancer.
Catagelophobia- Fear of being ridiculed.
Catapedaphobia- Fear of jumping from high and low places.
Decidophobia- Fear of making decisions.
Dishabiliophobia- Fear of undressing in front of someone.
Doxophobia- Fear of expressing opinions or of receiving praise.
Ereuthrophobia- Fear of blushing.
Erotophobia- Fear of sexual love or sexual questions.
Gerascophobia- Fear of growing old.
Glossophobia- Fear of speaking in public or of trying to speak.
Hemophobia or Hemaphobia or Hematophobia- Fear of blood.
Herpetophobia- Fear of reptiles or creepy, crawly things.
Hypengyophobia or Hypegiaphobia- Fear of responsibility.
Iatrophobia- Fear of going to the doctor or of doctors.
Kakorrhaphiophobia- Fear of failure or defeat.
Nosocomephobia- Fear of hospitals.
Obesophobia- Fear of gaining weight.(Pocrescophobia)
Phonophobia- Fear of noises or voices or one's own voice; of telephones.
Scopophobia or Scoptophobia- Fear of being seen or stared at.
Social Phobia- Fear of being evaluated negatively in social situations.
Soteriophobia - Fear of dependence on others.
Spheksophobia- Fear of wasps.
Syngenesophobia- Fear of relatives.
Tomophobia- Fear of surgical operations.
Topophobia- Fear of certain places or situations, such as stage fright.
Trypanophobia- Fear of injections.

ok, that was fun..and yes, i have em all, and you can too www.phobialist.com

people ARE gonna know the lab rules....ive put up 4 copies of them in the lab, they WILL read and follow them >:)

well, it hasnt been that wild or exciting or anything....just 50 more min to go...blah.

well, i guess it didnt happen today, maybe tuesday :(.

oh well, ta bye.

i already hurt my finger on the door...and so early too....*sigh*

well, yesterday when i was going home it was raining in buckets...very waterfallish....nothing could be seen, very scary.

today it might rain again, prolly when i get out or something.....weve got to pick my sister up so we will prolly go to target, i need some gel.

this cool front is very blah....nothing much to it :(

im at a loss of words...dunno, just my mood i guess....meh.

um.....nothing

AH!!!!!!!!! stress, now all the lab computers have printing capabilities, yet they print downstairs....its gonna cause endless headaches.

Blah with a cap. B.....yes

im here....yes i am.....1 person in the lab and mr second in command fixing some of the comps....*sigh*

today i decided to be gothic lab assistant....well, i do have my green socks on ;p....semi-gothic.

well, the 7th season of arthur started last week!!!! and ive been missing it...gah.....well, monday theyre supposed to show the 100th eppy, no work so i should be able to watch it....wah.

tonight sarah michelle is hosting snl..dunno if ill watch...maybe.

thats it for now......maybe itll happen today....

um....had a full house for the rest of the day, nothing much happened...pretty blah...

um...came home, had supper since i didnt have lunch, took my nap :) watched telly...blah

yeh, im really boring.

i guess thats all...mind is empty...so on and so forth...

ugg......ive got a full house....*sigh*.....

ugga bugga.......yes

ok, im feeling much more sane right now....sleep helped.....rest helped....im gonna be ok....for now that is... :/

well once again i am stuck in the lab on a friday....my whole week is gonna be screwed up now, im gonna think its a saturday now...eeh...im am sooooooo neglecting my archive duties, its not even funny.....ive got pics to scan...stuffs to do...now ive got to wait til tuesday to do them...eek

right now a butch lady like knocked the power switch off with her big feet....*sigh* its gonna be one of those days...

maybe today(see, ive got to keep the hope alive...ive got to)

crazy much?....um...um....little pup

after charmed is over ill go to bed...yes.

thats all...im in no state for sane writing....or something...

maybe ill feel better later..

huh...volvo commercial is using a the doves song....shame.

ive gots to wake up early today....eee...oh well...this will decide alot..

buffy is on conan!!! yes, to me she is buffy and buffy only...:p

yes, i have momentery lapses of uncrazysadness...im not all gone yet.

when i want people theyre not there...when i dont want them, theyre swarming...i need people right now....

i feel like my life is failing me...im...im....drying up...everything is wrong...

when i got out of work i was really out of it...like...dunno...just feeling really bad...cry alot bad...everything is just attacking my mind...i need the safety of a padded room.

watched the rest of the regis and kelly...david bowie is very witty...also on the show were those cosmo most eligible men peoples...so i was forced to watch...a hand full of cuties....anyway...

i dont know what im gonna do....i feel like im losing it....mental crisis....and then my whole physical crisis..im just a walking craziness...dunno

digimon...digital monsters....*sings*

just to make matters worse.....ive got mr loud mouth again!!!!!!! i was telling my coworker that he reminds me of that singing trout thinger.....hes a walking headache giver....*shudders*

its raining men or something.......after those 2 guys, i saw 2 others guys, one was like all muscle bound...and now, i saw the first 2 again......eek...*uses mental powers* *come this way*....they wont....*sigh*

ok, thats all...im cold.

gah!!!!! im so bored of my life....the ennui is everlasting......i thought maybe with the job i would be somewhat entertained....no such luck....i just wanna leave the lab and go running around the shelves....for now i have david bowie keeping me company..

i am so ready for my next venture.....

ive just such a horrible feeling....i just wanna cry...i feel that life is outside....im stuck in....its passing me by. *cries*

Which Spike are you?

this is me :| ....this is me on work >:( ....any questions?

today has been mostly blah...some stress, mostly blah.....

i did see 2 purty guys walking by the lab...they vanished :(...now im here with ugly man.

stupid regis and kelly, cutting off bowies "changes"....yark.

i wanna be loved....by you?

maybe within the next 2 hours....maybe.

gah, i was gonna go to sleep like 30 min ago, then i stumbled upon a random blog and well, here i am...oh me and my simple mind...easily led astray....

sometimes i think that if i think too much then all i will do is cry...thinking too much leads to crying..you realise the situation and it just digs you in...so in retrospect, dont think....but you cant stop your brain all the time....so, dont think, listen to top 40 music...dont think.

ok. um...gnite and all....each passing day takes a bit of my sanity...heart....hope...oh well...maybe today..love ya

*sigh*...well...the library seems to be stuck in a downward spiral...its totally shattering...of course i think its funny...mighty

oh work is ..i get nothing...then all of a sudden it avalanches...eek

got home, had my rolls, napped at around 6...didnt wake up til 915..i was all like *yikes* well anyways, woke up mighty refreshed, watched some telly, did the exertion...still had energy to spare..

david bowies supposed to come out on regis and kelly...i hate them both, but ill prolly tape it to watch when i get home...

theyre showing this program on pbs about caregiving the elderly...very depressing......help the aged...

um...um....gnite...um.

no over exertion for me....rest is good...saves my back for a while....

reason to like charmed....theme song was written by morrissey....

reason to like joel from good charlette...he likes morrissey, plus in the current issue of a.p. in the pic, he is captioned with "bona drag" which is one of my fav morrissey albums...

also in this months a.p. a very purty 2 page pic of the lovely glorificus...clare kramer....tre bueno.

yes.

happy birthday steve burns!!!!!

finished watching buffy....of course our stupid upn went off for about 10 min near the end....gah!!!! well, i saw most of it...had much mighty good anya interaction...she was really cute....very good.

i am a mix taper!




How indie are you? test by ridethefader

You're really enthusiastic about the music that you like. You attempt to discover your new favourite
band every week. You continually try to get your friends into the music you like, which annoys the fuck
out of them, but you don't know it. At least you're not arrogant about it.

why do i always have to get the most annoying peoples, i have a stupid loud mouth with a big mouth..hes one of those stereotype males....very *shudders*......

just about 20 more min to go....i can last...maybe....

arg, that guy...very cavemanish....makes my head hurt just being in the same room as him....

ok, bye......*sigh*

Which ArchAngel are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Rafael. You're most like the ArchAngel of Healing. You want people to shape up, and you nag. But you mean well, and you're well loved despite it. Or because of it. You bring the donuts even as you tell people to eat more veggies.

sometimes i think people are really stupid..well....not stupid, but unlearned.....i had 3 coworkers question my use of the word "implode"...they thought that i had just made the word up *scoffs* so there they go looking for it in the dictionary...shame on them.....of course it was there....eeee.....i hope they implode ;p.

well today has been blahish.....come in somewhat late(3 min)....there was some cake for the scary old man, i covered the reference area for a few min...another workers seems to be gone....they seem to drop like flies these employees.....oh the drama!!!!....thats about it....

just 2 peoples in the lab, half of the annoying couple and mullet girl.....

listening to screeching weasel....earlier it was depeche mode...

in 2 fridays theyre gonna have me cover the reference desk....eek...for 4.5 hours....eek....um...EEK

tonight is buffy, but ofcourse im here not there, so ill have to watch it on tape....so, ill see el clon, then buffy...maybe charmed...thats about it.

candy makes me a somewhat sane and tolerable boy......somewhat....

sometimes i feel like im in some sad depressing movie...i always have the music on, theres always the music in the background during the sad parts....i used to think that i would take the sleeping pills.....go to sleep...when they found me id be there asleep with "everyday is like sunday" playing loudly over and over....whenever the nourishment leaves my body it seems to be "sing" by blur playing in the background to cover the death....like a scene in some movie....as i lay recovering....the music envelopes me and the pain....my blanket...then its off and life resumes, the movie ends.....still no happy ending in sight....well, it doesnt end, it stays on the "to be continued" screen....ready for the next day when the song is played again.

tomorrow is steve burns' birthday(29 if im correct)!!!!!!!! wah!!! heres to him and all the "mighty little men"..you know who you are...me, well im little too :(

"...nobody else is stronger than I am
yesterday I moved a mountain
I bet I could be your hero
I am a mighty little man..." (steve burns-mighty little man)

people scare me....they just do....no, i dont mean their actions, i mean people themselves, im peoplephobic...i dunno why...fear of human...makes my heart beat...jump out of my skin....scream in my head...go running through the streets....away from them all...they scare me to death...these humans....theyre everywhere..never stop....always there....1 2 3 4....billions...all their eyes are on me...theyre talking about me...they all wish me harm....NO...they dont notice me...im on nobodys mind...im invisible to them all....walk right through me...they want to talk, but i dont know them...theyd like to know...but it would frighten them away...they want to talk, but i dont feel like it...people bore me...people are just people...nothing special, just boring people...the world is full of crashing bores...me?, im number 13 on the list....way at the top....theyre not interesting, im not interesting. the interesting ones arent interested..they want something, they all want something...i want something...they all want something..people scare me...i scare me.

yeh....i just spent a few min chasing a flying antish creature...now my back hurts from climbing the bed...ow

most of the day was spent as most of my mondays are...bed potatoing....got up, ate, watched some soaps...maury, cartoons, sabrina, 70s show...then was nap time, got up, vegged some more...had some granola and chips..tv..forced myself to be active(now my back hurts)..bathed...more tv and computer..watching el clon right now..

um...dream...cant remember it...something or other....dunno...

nothing more nothing less...

im gonna sleep, and sleep without fear of being awoken...good sleep....

oh buffy, you make life sorta liveable...sorta

kmart was blah...nothing nothing...ran into an old coworker...well, not that old..he barely left last week...meh

on the way home i got a watermelon raspa...a large one...WAH!!! so i was all high on sugary syrupy goodness....mighty yum, so i had that with my dinner rolls and then some veggie chips...

poor spike... :(

ill get to rest today....ressssssst.

*sigh* the day has been going by too slowly...its dragging on....a muddy sludge...oozing...slowly draining me along with it...

been reading some more.....sometimes i think that reading is meaningless...i read, but nothing happens...i keep reading just for the sake of saying that i read....and so i will continue with the charade...til i find joy.

i hate mean peoples....specially grotty mean people who hit their "special" sibling...i should throw him out...stupid grotty guy.

im feeling lifeless...slothful...like a lifeless sloth if you will...yes, ive a way with words ;p

the ride to work was very "nails on the chalkboard".....my sister and mother were at it....then they were putting gas in the car and a bee flew in and we were all like.*yikes*....eh.

almost kmart time.

about 2 more hours to go.....blah blah...reading book, blah blah nothing else.....somebody.

and the comps are fixed....good thing?...um..maybe.

oh yeah, my dream......i cant remember much, but i do remember somebody reading "the hobbit".....thats about it.....meh.

im here....had some jollies(ranchers) to give me a reason to live....um......nothing much, just waiting for mr 2nd in command to fix 4 of the 8 comps....they dont have internet working on them....so ive got to be running people away...im not a meany......not on purpose...yek, already 5 peoples that i turned away....

today weve got to wait for my sister again, just one hour....now we can go to kmart....maybe some kmarty goodness

i might start reading..."jack kerouac: king of the beats - a portrait" by barry miles...yesh, ive had this book quite a while already, i wanted to finish the other book first...now i have so...maybe.

maybe today...ive still got some hopes left....

early sleep...yes...early sleep makes me happy boy....

and target it was...but....but it lacked targety goodness...nothing much...got a bag of watermelon jolly ranchers and three(3) pairs of argyle socks!!!! yay, now i have seven(7) pairs...to that i say "woo"...also, there was a cute goth girl reading a book on the floor, but she paid attention to nobody but the book....and had a white cherry slurpee.....thats about it...

picked up my sister then we went to the grocery store...by that time i was already fading from lack of nap...um....got some veggie chips, green punch, and more peppermints!!!!..ran into my 4th grade teacher...eek....saw 3 fellow high school peoples...other than that it was blah...they were giving depeche modes "never let me down again" on their radio station...

um....so no nap today cos i got home til like 830...so i rested...no exersion...gotta rest....

well, i decided to be a good boy and actually finished the book "junky" by william s. burroughs, which took me about 6 weeks to read.....yes, i know, *slaps self* ill try to do better next time.

almost time to go....i think me and mum are going to kmart, im gonna try and talk into going to target instead for some targety goodness...weve got to wait til 7 to pick up my sister...dunno if ill be tempted to buy anything, its been a while, but ive got the tori and sigur ros albums to look forward to....hmm..

ok, thats all...my heart is full...yada.

well, im here......its kinda slow right now...just the annoying couple is here......well, i guess theyre enough

cant remember my dream....um......no, dont remember...meh

well, thats about it...ill be here waiting for "him"....maybe "her", but really for "him".......um.yes.

my body hurts....i think im killing myself....meh

im...im....im....i...i dunno...i seriously dont know...i feel like im just going day by day without thought...or so...and im obviously mental...my thoughts....i have odd thoughts...my writing is odd....im odd....my day chart is odd....ive odd wording...im on a different wavelength than everybody else...i wish i could just tune myself in....frequency is all wrong....the cheese stands alone.

oh i cleaned my room up a bit....vacuumed(vacuum is an odd word..)..picked up all the stray papers...arranged my cds...sort of ...i hate my janus complex...clean boy...little pig...ditzy school girl...depresso boy...i...i need to be shot...yes.

i think thats all...got to let the cogs rest.

i like mexican commercials...make me smile :)...

yes, thats my thought...

well durning my nap...i was dreaming of course...well, the cell woke me up!!!! it scared me!!! just an unknown number....yeh...so back i went to slumber with no dream in sight....well anyway, weird dream...i was somewhere..dunno, i was talking to this man and woman that had made a movie...in the movie they would morph into 5 diff couples....dunno why...but anyway, when i was talking to them i asked them that if they could be any of those people who would they be...they just said, we'd be ourselves...its a message i tell you, telling me to be myself...blah..

my whole day was off....its cos of the lab, i never cover the lab on fridays..but since i did i kept thinking that it was saturday...

um.....nothing much else...just blah blah.

ok, im traumatized for the rest of the day.....i was walking by the stairs with a coworker to help her remove a jammed copy card when an elderly lady fell down....she almost went rolling down the stairs....so everybody was all like *eek!!* so we helped her up, i got the wheel chair for her and then we filled out an incident report....yikes..she may have injured my hand...i should sue...;p

today i feel sickish.....not good at all....

hehe, a while ago the walkie talkie thinger went off really loud and scared the peoples.....mighty funny

where is my love?......somewhere out there hopefully....

im ready for my nap...zzzzzzzzz

yikes!!!! i can feel all the lil germies flying in the air....i feel sick just thinking about getting sick....yeeeeek.

"ana's song" makes me sad.....yes! i eat!! too much in fact!!! but anyways.

well well well, im here in the lab today even though im not supposed to be....the guy whose supposed to be here is sick...so here i am...this is me..hehe........oh well......i just finished helping a purty girl..smelled nice <3 and she was even of age....yes, im weird...oh well.

i got the train this morning....came in about 15 min late.....arg..now ive got to make up those min...prolly on tue....meh

im wearing my scooby bandaid :) on my cursed finger....guess what, yesterday whilst getting clothing to bathe i squashed my hand with the drawer....i know i know....

i dreamt that i was at my house and i was eating potato and egg tacos with cheese....after i ate them i was all like *gasp* it had egg!!! and cheese!!! then my mom got mad cos she had left several there, then my sisters mother in law had eaten them without even asking...a fight ensued....then i dreamt that i was here at work and several people were opting for the same job....cant remember the rest....meh

listening to david bowies "heathen" album.....ive been neglecting it.

to go or not to go....that is the question indeed....but prolly no go...

i hate my hair

sick people make me sick..literally, i get sick way too easy.....im "sick boy"..*starts singing "sick boy" by social distortion*...hehe, yes im bad......but who cares.......nobody :(

ok, more later......maybe.

*blank*...thats all im drawing up.....oh well

gnite and thank you....

ok, i remembered some of my dream, i was like in a maze or something...maze of buildings and cars, there was alice from wonderland, then she was dressed like snow white, and she turned evil and was chasing me...cant remember the rest...huh

in the lab i had to get evil and call the manager that was there cos some man was looking at porn...he wasnt even hiding it, he was just out right looking at nude ladies....yikes, so then i had to fill out a report....why do i always get the trouble...so then i had a walkie talkie thinger i didnt know how to use it...it started hissing and everything so i was all like..*eek*...im so silly.

at lunch time me and 2 coworkers watched sponge bob...sometimes i wish i could be like them, the coworkers, they laugh at anything...theyre happy matter of factly....they would laugh at all the little jokes, and bang the table and etc....oh to me so mindless...

i think i stepped on a thorn...that wasnt gonna keep me from my jumping around, not after how and what i ate today..no no no...no, besides, i already had my 2 resting days...

i was talking to a friend on the phone and she started singing "tonight...tonight..." so then i said "la la la la la la tonight"...hehe...if you know that thats from nkotb then well....i dont know if thats brilliant or sad...either way, it was mighty funny....i used to like that song.

listening to "fast car" by tracy chapman....i like that song....very good...and now "pretty boys and pretty girls"!!!!! you know i love that song much....

theres something hypnotic and tempting about shakiras horribly thick accented english...makes me want to hear more....hehe...i just have the spanish tape...i stole it from my sister....

oy...my body still aches....eeee

today has been so-so.....got here 2 min late...went up and actually did some work....now i feel full cos i ate some tomato and pickle and chips and apple and peach and coke and pb......yikes, i should slap myself....eeeeeee

ive had such bad luck with my ring finger on my left had.....first i scratched it yesterday with a hanger, then i pinched it with a foot stool thinger, then today i squashed it with the door..i think i should just wear a metal finger guard or something...that or just cut it off.

i had a dream, but i cannot remember for the life of me..i guess thats for the best.....eh

im here continuing my placebo marathon...good music, but its sad too cos you relate to it...makes you think, feel...music that makes you think is good music....when was the last time a britney song made you think?, and i dont mean "oh i think this is a dumb song..hehe"....eh

water...i like water cos it tastes like water and is full of watery goodness...um yes

im almost out of peppermints, ive only 2....i need a new bag...

well, theres gonna be a party of sorts around 12 cos one of the workers is leaving...i prolly wont participate since i wont eat anything plus i always am in a hurry...i might eat a chip or 2, but thats it..

im still optimistic that i might find somebody...i have to be or else ill just go crazy and cry all the time, and thats not good, so ill just keep it in my head that i will find somebody...i think im a good person...

my room is a big mess....i dont want to think about it or else ill start cleaning it all up right now...too late for that...

"i am so afraid...of living in oblivion..."...*starts singing in his mind* oh i remember....my sister used to say that this was her fav song...i liked it oodles too...still do, but i rarely hear it on the radio

um...um....um...that seems about right....ok, nite.

AHH!!!! melissa auf der maur(one of my hotties..yummy) loves morrissey, how great is that....since i love them both....she should play bass for him...well, he would have to get rid of gary day :( , well he can have 2 bass players...yeah.

wah!!! conan had 2 buffy vets....pike and willow....how cool....yay

this morning started off mighty well, heard "creep" on the radio, so that set happiness for the day :)...work was pretty boring, ive gotten too lazy...ive started a habit of visiting my coworkers too much...but its ok, i get to help in the periodicals and escape my little cage...get to see people too, i helped one man and a scary lady...and had to sit in the comp lab twice to cover...i wore beige pants and a brownish shirt with some stripes, i had my sweater off for most of the day, so 4 diff coworkers commented how i looked diff for some reason(cos i wasnt wearning black or sweater)...seriously, those people want me to stab them with a paper clip...blah

after 2 days of resting i did my little jumping around routine today...thats good...i dont want to go all blobby...well more so.

jack kerouac

know what tastes good?....pringles with lettuce...really, yum

ok, um...oh yeah, dreams....my dreams

ok, well i dreamt that i was working in a meat cutter section of the store, then i did such a good job that the boss lady gave me some coupons for food and dvds and such, then she made me eat a chunk of chicken and i was all like *eek!!!* and then i saw a friend from college, he was crawling on the floor, playing around...then the store morphed into drew carey show(which i hate) and then i dunno..i think thats about it...huh...

yeah.

nothing nothing nothing....my words go wasted on you...

buffy!!!! ok, finished watching buffy...poor spikey....eee

ive been listening to way too much placebo lately....TOO MUCH....

dunno...nothing much to say...my brain is dry...just dreams and dreams and nothing else...

maybe ive figuered out my near future...maybe....

yes, im gonna start with my dreams..again

ok, well first i was at my house, and then my friend visited me, which he NEVER does...so we were in the house, then my brother in law was there so we were all like *eek* so we went outside for a walk......we got all dirty, covered in leaves and such...of course it was nice...and then we went to his vehicle which was this giant truck, as opposed to his small car...it had posters of guys in it....when we had been inside we had been looking at magazines, so he went back in and took a poster out of it....it was of milla jovovich....he said he wanted it, so then i started talking about gwen stefani, how i was gonna marry her.hehe...and then i started singing "underneath it all" to him...how he was lovely underneath it all......dunno, nice dream.....then, it morphed into another dream.....i was in some building and there was this guy there who i was getting some papers for....top secret or something, so when i was walking out with the papers this asian girl was following me, right when she was right behind me i turned around and stopped her from stabbing me with a letter opener.....i took it from here and stabbed her with it, then i had some chocolate cake in some plastic in my other hand...then i was trying ot force her to eat it..hehe......i was all like, "eat it" and i was forcing it in her mouth...then i got away and gave the papers to the guy.....then......dunno......the end......

today has been pretty blah, when i got up i was all achy.....all my body hurt.....now its just my back...and leg.....seriously, i think ive got a something in my body thats making me sick.....yikes....

checked out the same 2 books....im gonna try to read them....for real.

um...thats about it...

dreams dreams and more dreams....ok, well i dreamt about prince william..haha, its all cos i saw part of that movie yesterday...anyway, i was at one of his parties, then there was this guy there whose father got mad cos he was partying...then the dream morphed to something else...my sister and this other girl were there, then there was this other person?....he went all evil and wanted to attack us, so my sister and the girl killed him, much blood...then this other guy came out and went crazy....he started attacking them....my sister killed him with a knife...eek....then...again with the video game....a video game with lots of water....then we were driving by some place and the fields were full of sculpters of buildings...twin towers...alot of them, to the point of eye soreness...dunno....i dont think having these many dreams is normal, i must really be in bad health....im fading....

finished watching "kind hearts and coronets" with alec guinness....i liked it...again, it took me 6 days to watch....its my state of health...ive just got no drive, im always too tired, first it was reading, now watching movies is too much too...im just lifeless...not good...i didnt even watch the other movie....owww my back hurts...my everything hurts......153.......