ok, just a quick goodbye til sunday...well, bye.

love ya..

munch munch munch...im munching on a nature valley trail mix granola bar thinger...could the name be any longer?

as much as it pained me i had to borrow my roommates cell phone to call home and tell em what time to rescue me tomorrow...

was i in a hurry this morning?...but of course, it wouldnt be an ordinary wonky day if i wasnt, spanish was crap...the class is sooo simple, yet something about it just gives me the crazies.

yesterday night my roommates offered me buffalo wings, then they remembered, they were all "oh yeah, sorry....hehe" *sigh*

that commercial amstel light beer is great, no? all those yummy guys in their low cut jeans...xcept for that one guy...grah ;p, anyway

just watched the losing my religion vid and noticed that michael stipe is very morrisseyish in that video, his gestures...or maybe its just me.

dunno, im going downhill ..everyday i seem to have less and less to say...ive nothing to work with...work with me!!!! nothing to work with...im trying to dig a hole with a soggy pasta...

soggy....

r.i.p. mister rogers........

r.i.p. buffy....buffy.....buffy....ill keep the wigging to a minimal.

nite

its been a horrible day....

well....my phone is still dead...dead...its not even funny...

then..got up got ready, running a bit late as always...cold outside..walking..getting stared at...i know better, first class is ceramics, i know that whatever i wear will get all dirrty, what do i do? i wear black pants and shirt of course...continue working on my project, getting it ready for finishing touches, teacher is helping me, then what happens?...my teacher knocks my clay thinger over..falls on the floor..dents, bruises....so anyway, the top half gets ruined, cut it off...so she takes full blame...i continue to work with the remaining chunk...made another lid...*sigh* always me...must be me.

the rest of the has just been blah...

oh well, theres always tomorrow.

hrag.....well i had just gotten outta the shower when i saw i had 1 missed call..saw it was my friend so i called him back...were talking, being silly, scoping each others love lifes when the cell went dead...my phone went dead!!!! its still dead...stupid service...all i get is the "searching for service" message...what kinda crap is this...i never talk on the phone much, and when i do this happens....grah!!!!!....fuck you sprint!!!!!!!

ok, im calmer now. :)

mega mighty chilly cold...its cold cold cold in my hole hole hole....mr zebra, lend me your sweater.

so i woke up and logged around, of course then i was in a hurry due to my logging...when i went out it was cold!!! no time to come back in a bundle up...so cold i was all day.

spanish class was blahish, always is...the teacher likes picking on me...so does the drawing teacher...drawing was ok...did some drawing, did some talking....blah blah.

stayed up til 2 last night watching empire records, then my beautiful laundrette..didnt get to see it all cos it was late...oh well.

my partner in drawing class said that she loved my hair!!! its nice that somebody likes it...my grungy ratty malnurished hair

too much hum and not enough drum

my fingers are ready to type yet nothing is ready to be typed...

chat is good....the real thing would be even better, but chat is good..eat times....time gone...we are gone....time eats us.

raining outside..sky is crying. maybe the sky is empathic

semioddness is in effect....need somebody to discuss with....this is me, nothing ever happens to me....

water tastes good.

i wonder how the rest of the day will be...good?....fingers crossed.

gnite.

was gonna write something or other last night, but blogger was being an evil cow and was down...forgot most

put a dancing puffy skeleton on my cell...i <3 puffy skeleton sticker.

grammys...so glad for no doubt and norah jones...ha to avril...um...that about covers it.

had quiz today....me thinks me got an 80...gah, i couldve done mighty much better...next time.

ceramics class brings out the cattiness in everbody..really...*REOW*, but thats half the fun...its the stress that kills..

got devious stares as i walked to classes...stupid people, just cos i look diff doesnt give them the right to stare...now, if the staree were some mighty yummy woohoo boyo, then maybe, just maybe id welcome it ;p, everybody else will be slapped with a dead fish.

um...im back i guess, just here sitting in front of the comp, sipping some soy milk....

weekend?...sleep, eat, telly, nap....same as last week. what i wont miss from home: perpetual bickering of mum and father, father drinking oodles and oodles, grotty uncle from next door. what i will miss: mum, stray cat....thats about it.

lazyiness aside, i did work on my drawing project and got to inhale mass amounts of marker fumes in the process.

on the way here we stopped at the health food store for smore veggie mayo, the cute guy that works there was well...cute!!! i think he may have looked at me...or he was staring at my odd manner of dress....hmmm.

ok, more laterz...ta.

um...not sunday yet ;p...went to class and of course the teacher didnt show up, so 3 hours of studying, stressing and dukkha for nothing...well, i guess it wasnt nothing nothing, i got to hang out with my friend and study and laugh....another plus of hanging out with her is that she carries around a bag of candies...wah!!!

well, its about time for me to be heading home..home home, not school home....home home home....so til sunday....ta, unless of course im in some horrible disfiguring accident and im no longer available, so that would be ta ta ta.....or if the world was suddenly mega bombed and we all disintigrated, then it would be buh bye hasta luego til never....or something like that....anyway, bye.

grah, ive been mighty neglectful of my blogging duties lately....just life stuffs....much sorries

well, ive a test in a few hours!!!! about to get together with a friend to study for it.

ill write more when i get back, prolly on sunday....ta, love yas

(2-19-2003 * 2-20-2003)

..........??????!!!!!!!!!!!!........!!!!!!!!......!!!!!!!!!!!........!!!!!!!!!!!!.......

whilst walking back tonight no moon was in sight :(...it calls to me then it hides *cries* CRUEL moon.

so yesterday 1 of my roomates was all like "so...what do you consider yourself? punk? gothic? etc..." and i was all like..."um...human"...i hate people, *roar*. my 2 roommates need a serious spanking(not the good kind ;p)...today i had to go with said roommate cos he needed to print some stuff and he didnt have a password....i got coerced into using mine...so after having walked back there i go again, but it was in a truck...wasnt too bad.

spanish class was nonexistant cos mr teacher was not in physical form...good thing i hadnt done my homework :), so for the 2+ hours i read...yes, im still reading that book...then went to drawing class...eeeee...its still the beginning and im already with the lazy nonworkingness...spent most of the 3 hours talking with fellow students. about?..um..teenwolf, backtothefuture, music, etc. then got my vegginess, got back to my apartment, did the whole roommate printing scenerio, missed a call whilst scenerioing, got back ate my now soggy veggy and returned the call. did some talking and i was much smiles...roswell as well of course..the end.

*note to self, take belly dancing classes :)...sorry, just watching this thing on the telly with ananta..hes so cute!!!

oh yeah, just remembered somethin...yesterday i lent the turkish lady my "passage in time" dead can dance album...i love her accent, the turkish lady, i like how shes always spouting out "fucks"...shes so funny.

ive been better about nonpigginess lately. now, my problem is that ive been consuming too much candy..peppermints and blowpops...wah.

tomorrow should be interesting...maybe....maybe. :) tata.

yet another pretty full moon tonight, the sky likes to tease, taunt...cruel heartless sky.

today i was at school all day..from 830am-850pm..stupid ceramics class is killing me...was there like for 10 hours...clay is evil..EVIL!!!!! other than that the day was full of nonexistant events...i actually ate my veggie sub at the union, too tired to walk all the way over here then go back, ate there...and thats cos i hate eating in front of people...feet hurt now...stood up alot...walk walk, walk on my heart...needless to say, i did no reading in the lobby today..no time.

1 of my roommates is moving out cos hes getting married soon, too bad it had to be the nice quiet one...still stuck with the 2 loud ones.

um....me thinks thats all....yes, blah blah the life is blah...oh well, one lives with what is provided.

tonight the moon was extra crispy beautiful :), such a clear night...saw orion and various other constillations...isnt the night sky just wonderful...if only i could fade away into it...be a star....id like to be bright and shiny...to be a star..

ive been set free, but ive nowhere to go...just walk around...walk in circles...into the wall...but im free.......

its such a nice thing when you get email...real email!!!! more than 1 real emails!!!!, i feel special...not mega special, but specialer..er..haha...sorry.

had my potato salad :)...other than that, the weekend was spent napping and being a human log...played a bit with mah stray cat :)..um, thats about it.

aljfajfladjfl...um....guess thats it for now, maybe write more later.......yes.

well, ive finally put back the archives, now we can see how the craziness began...back in the day....so far away...we cant go home...its not our home anymore...its gone its gone...im gone........

im back...woo!!! or something ;p

i lied, im back for some mo...

when i entered the apartment i was all like.."boy my roommates stink" then i neared the stove and saw that on of them was boiling some eggs...bleh.

something i learned, dont sit lotus positioned for too long without proper practice, did it today whilst reading for about 50 min, then my feet started to hurt, when i unfolded them i was all like *mega ow!!!!!* i couldnt move my feet...i mustve made some really funky faces.

ive yet to meet a charming man...well charming towards me at least....

the drawing teacher is so evil to me....i drew this thinger, well we had to, then he really liked it, then i showed it around class and told them that i was just showing off and to give me evil glances...then he took these pics of us, mine of course is mega grotty, he wont let me retake it..i told him it was an evil pic so he said, well draw and evil drawing...blah.

now im done....yes

watched some of cry baby movie, too good...:)

fake plastic trees is playing in the background...sad sad...

after i finished reading i was walking back but then decided to take the scenic route, so i walked around the campus once, in the dark, of course i was all paranoid, i couldve sworn that the cat wanted to attack me..haha...it was nice with the darkness and the moon in the sky and the wicked wind...problem, walking causes me to think, ponder..that just leads to sadness, depression...

i wanna strangle my roommates...a while ago one of them decided to introduce me to a female "friend"...she was all like oh, we refer to you as the "emo kid"....*rolls eyes various times* then when she left they were all like *ohhhh* blah blah blah...they need to be severely bludgened...hows this gonna unfold....mega blah....some people are just soooooo blind.

ok, done emoting...

dreams....

weird dream: car chases, gasoline, school, stolen pack, showers in the hall, seminude piggyback, falling down stairs....that about sums it up.

the uni stray cats make me smile much :)

the foodcourt peoples are so funny, make me smile too, they already know my menu, they compete with each other to see who knows my veggie selections better, the guy and girl, the guys is sooo cute with his hair net...:)

today was wicked windy, my hair was all akimbo...all *AHHH!!!*

tomorrow, which happens to be one of the evilest of days, there is one thing to look forward to, i get to go home and have some potato salad!!!! yes, its sad how something like that can excite me, well...if you can find me a love before then, well....so, it looks like its me and the potatoes for the evening....

just about time to go to the lobby to do some reading, i swear, that book is killing me, and im not even restoring any of it..just wanna finish.

more later..maybe, if i can be bothered.

still in my perpertual state of blahness

nothing much on this end of the rainbow....

oh well, that is all...

...fly away sweet angel....

when nothing happens i becomea nothing writer....here it is, nothing........

just feeling blah, nothing...maybe tomorrow.

well, went to the lobby and my little walk...read some pages, then that girl veggie sub girl from the other day found me, we ended up talking for about 2 hours talked about africa(thats where shes from) and other such things...then we walked back together and i met her room mates, i told her i was gonna befriend her indian roommate just so i could watch the bollywood(she watches a bunch) movies :).

meeting people is nice, im just not meeting the one i need.....

maybe tomorrow.

just got back from home home, now im here in school home....home.....yes

before getting here my mum and i stopped at the health food store and got me some eggless mayo, yay, now when i go home on friday i can have some potato salad!!!!! havent in sooooo long, so for sure ill be chowing on it fri sat and sun....muaw!!!

watching object of my affection right now....hope the object of my affection is fine.

everything is ok right now, but lately its been mighty trying with the war and such...plus other family stuffs....then the lingering loneliness of valentines day....

got another email from certain somebody.....seems to be that its always the one you least expect to make you feel something even though you know itll be a car crash in the long run...

matthew mcconaughey on snl....he knows he has a good body, we know he has a good body, does that mean he has to do half the show shirtless?...not that i minded :P....to quote one of the characters that he played "wow"....hehe...

mmmm..ummmmm....more later...maybe.

dunno, recently ive been in a nonwannawritenothin sorta mood.

2 dreams in 2 days, 1 was about my friend(again) the 2nd was about buffy...too indifferent to even go into details.

yesterday was interesting...day started of nicely with "beautiful" & "underneath it all" videos one after the other...then i check my email and saw that i had a message from a certain somebody, left me all outta wack, still thinking about what im gonna do about it, nice or evil...spanish was ok, got a 105 on a quiz, that teacher is such a nut, dont mind of course....lunch hour went to lobby and did some reading/watching, went to drawing class, struck up a convo with this guy in that class...nonono, just a "regular" guy...talked music etc, of course i outmusiced him :), did a bit more reading in lobby then off to the apartment for my sub and roswell!!!!, at about 630 went back to lobby and did more reading, then whilst reading/watching, i noticed this girl smiling at me and headed my way, at first i was all like...huh?..then i remembered that the other day whilst ordering my veggie sub, she was in line behind me and made a comment about how it must be spicy cos it had alot of banana pepper thingers in it, i had just smiled at her and moved on, well now there she was, so she just starts talking to me...talked about an hour...then she left, i read more and a lady asked me if i had some change, gave her some, my good deed of the week, and then got back here at about 850, saw a possum whilst walking back :p, hung out a bit with my roommates, thats about it...seems to have been an antiantisocial day....why is it that the people that you actually want to talk to you never do...you get what you dont need...all those people, they cant give me what i need....oh well, talky day.

crazy mind set....i have it that if im not all totally sad and depresso then it must mean that im not lonely and dont want to be love, the more i emote the more i deserve it...dunno, i know it but cant stop...

been piggly wiggly lately....too much...moo

meh...im done....meh

..................

dunno....no drive to write anything at the moment.........maybe laterer

the evils of cable...how many freaking times will i be forced to watch those girls gone wild commercials!!!!!

i love clone high usa show...mighty amusing

i just spent a small time reading up the past journals...yeek, i dont even recognize myself in some of those, how can those words be mine?..while writing them i'll be all like whatever, then i read them and its like somebody else..maybe i go into some journalish trance, sorta amusing sorta informative sorta eccentric, then, i think im being totally clear about something, then i read and its totally clouded, obscured...i end up not knowing if my message came out nice and clear or if were all still in the dark. im just soooo not good at being direct, i need a one on one to be direct, id prolly faint of course...

nothing exciting happen today...same routine...tv woke me up, forgot to turn of clock radio so that scared me when it went off(haha), watched some telly, had my breakfast pb, spanish class was silly as always, lunch period was spent in the lobby watching peoples pass and reading...saw this asian guy that i sorta met the other day(me and my asian friend were in the food court thinger and she saw her sister and sisters friends there and that guy was there, so i briefly met him then, well not really, but you get the point) so of course i noticed him when he walked by into the library, he did see me...so then i went on reading, then he came out with this girl and they went to talk to this couple that was sitting in front of me, so then he sees me, so we smile at each other and give our "hi's" the end :(......went to drawing class, drew a cabbage for about 3 hours....got my veggie sub, came back to apartment, watched dbz(i know i know), then roswell!!! then back to the lobby and actually read, all the time that im walking back in the dark, i always get the fear, the loneliness, walking alone affects me much....watching all these peoples walking in twos...that and my paranoia...

i wore my i dont care shirt today, ie...my shirt with holes...its so funny cos one of the holes is near my nipple, NEAR, so if i turn a certain way, but it had safty pins holding it in place, plus my sweater...but still, i thought it was funny...

maybe i need restrained hair.

gnite.

*sigh* today maybe....ha

for once something nice happen to me and my internet started working, no grotty peoples around me...

have you seen the johnny cash "hurt" video...very chill inducing...so diff from the nin version.

so, i stayed a while in the lobby reading and people watching....just watching...walked back in my sadish mood...beautiful weather, starry sky, crescent moon way up high...that beauty was totally wasted on me.

things gotta get better, thats why im here...

yuck, too many peoples here in the library.....there i go, looking for people, yet not wanting people......go figure.

clay, clay is evil, clay makes for messynessess and stress and other horrible things........clay is evil, hope my clay structure thinger doesnt explode whilst being flamed, thats all i need.

yesterday whilst walking back to the apartment i was all mega paranoid, walking in the dark, hearing dogs barking, you know me all *yipes* and everything.....prolly same thing will happen today.eeeeeeeeeeee

im gonna make it a point to come back to the library everyday(after i see roswell of course), walking is good, shrink those legs, burn off that veggie sub.....walk....so, today there was alot of mosquito buggers in the air....yuck...oh well

im gonna meet somebody overhere if it kills me......I WILL, die trying...somebody, anybody? i noticed this one guy today while claying around, but you know how things go, i notice, they dont :(

i lent my ceramics teach 3 cds, thats me, promoter or musics.....i lent her a diamanda galas cd, a lydia lunch cd, and velvet underground and nico banana cd...yay

my feet hurt, need better walking shoes...a bit hungryish, i guess pb and veggie subs arent enough to pass the day on.

had my first quiz, pretty sure i just missed 2 out of 25....i guess that pretty good for not studying much, too lazy.

i will find somebody

im guessing thats it....try to write some stuffs everyday.....try

ta.

sorry

*sigh* well ive decided to write a little somethin somethin....been a while, brain is clouded with mental spam or something of that nature. well, whilst walking over here to the library there was one of those wonderful breezinesses that i so enjoy, all that was missing was a full moon high up in the sky shining its shininess on the silence underneath it. it was strolling weather..strolling with a lover weather...all that was missing was said lover, but the atmosphere was absolutley divine...couldve walked on and on, except for my deep paranoia of being attacked be some vandal, other than that it was so serene :)

now, about my mighty funny dream the other day, well its not mighty funny, but the content is to laugh about..maybe. well, ill try to remember most of it, it was a few days ago...well, my friend was at my house, then he left, dunno why, then i got a voice message on my cell phone, when i listened to it, it was christina aguilera!!!! hahaha....she wanted to know why i wouldnt go out with her and be her boyfriend......so weird no?(the reason she was in my dream is cos i see her "beautiful" video like 3 times a day and i love it every time, its like my video, i relate to all those characters in it, except for the cross dresser) so then i wanted to find my friend so that he could hear the voice message and i could show him that somebody actually liked me, so then i found him and dont remember what we did...prolly nothing much........and that was my funny haha dream.

so much new musics is coming out and im not buying any of it!!!!!!!! horrible just horrible, i need the new lou reed, the new rasputina ep, the new nick cave, etc. etc. HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!

went to kmart today before coming to uni....its the kmart that is closing soon....oh the horror....droves and droves of sheep...er people, the stuff of nightmares....couldnt walk anywhere...just looking for a mirror, i needed one...looked at the music of course, i saw the petshop boys album there, but didnt get it...lately ive been restraining myself somewhat on the music front....anyways, it was all sorts of eek.

theres so much life around me, yet its such a desert...im an island unto myself....everybody has there own agenda...theyre on different wavelenghts and are equiped with special filters to route out peoples like me...im not there, just a speck of dust.

my hair is still causing me hours of unneeded stress....one day i say cut it, the next i say let it grow...for now ive stuck to the grow part...then theres the whole color thing...its just me, i stress way to easy.....HAIR!!!!!!!!

its one thing to love somebody that doesnt even know youre alive, another to love somebody that knows youre there, but just avoids the subject all together....doesnt agree, but doesnt refuse, indifference....it kills....its cruel kindness, cruel in that it keeps you dragging, and kind in that it keeps you in their life. maybe i so desire it...maybe im just an emotional masochist...maybe it gives me something to hang onto...maybe it keeps the hope alive...even if i know itll never happen, its something..at lonely times like these, i need that something...it kills...never has dying felt so wonderful. and then the horror or valentines day is coming up...just ANOTHER year alone, well i guess id be used to it by now, my heart doesnt let my get used to it. its like a universal rule or something, you fall in love with somebody better than you and somebody worse than you falls for you and nobody gets who they want, he is way to good for me...you end up with the most convenient person, i guess at this point i would mind a love of convenience....its something.

whenever i do this thing i end up talking about my friend way too much....it should be outlawed. but he knows...hed better know....he knows..soon i will end it........soon, we both need to be free of this bother, this thing called love...anyway....many many hugs to all the hugless souls that need hugs to feel like they are somebody....

everytime i write my words, all these songs come to mind....ive just got songs on the brain all the time...the music will love me, no?

youd think with this new life id be a new excitinger person....youd think. same ol same ol.

i'd give you a hug if you'd let me....i'd hug you if you were on fire...id hug you if you'd let me...haha, there i go being delusional again...being silly, being stupid, being myself. i'd hug you and make the world feel right.................................. :(

and that ends this edition of mental crazys, next edition?...dunno.

love ya. this was just for you.