mmerp....im feeling mighty down right now..its just the combination of everything and my friend was telling me about her relationship problems...and im good about it, talking about it, but then i start talking about past things and it just brings me down too...now im here in my room and im very lonely. im prolly gonna go out and work on something in campus or read...its just not nice to be surrounded by nothing whilst lonely....on a diff note, there might have been a guy that might have looked at me during lunching...i was with my friend and he was with his female friend....dunno, when it involves me, nothing is certain, but it was semi-nice..the prospect of being looked at in a non evil way...well, thats enough of that, i'll prolly be going now...its too silent here.

wah!!! underneath it all video....oh gwen, will you marry me...haha.....i dont mind being with you and gavin ;p....dunno, the video always makes me feel all smile-ish....hope its a sign of a good day...gwen gwen gwen...anyway, that was my really really random idea of the day.

ay ay ay...its extra crispy freaking cold in here....wah

feeling a bit tired...life style catching up...yeah, what life style....time has just been really weird to me lately.

almost time for class...:p...oh well, its not all that bad.

one of my roommates, the really loud one, if leaving on wednesday to new orleans til mon i guess. can you imagine? it might actually be quiet around here...some freedom?..woo

i loooooove this song "sweet harmony" by the beloved...they give it quite much on net radio....but it just has a place in my heart...not the best song in the world, but its much to me.

"Is it right or wrong
Try to find a place
We can all belong?
Be as one
Try to get on by
If we unify
We should really try...
All this time
Spinning round and round
Made the same mistakes
That we've always found
Surely now
We could move along
Make a better world?
No it can't be wrong

Let's come together
Right now
Oh yeah
In sweet harmony

Time is running out
Let there be no doubt
We should sort things out
If we care
Like we say we do
Not just empty words
For a week or two
Make the world
Your priority
Try to live your life
Ecologically
Play a part
In a greater scheme
Try to live the dream
On a wider scene

Let's come together
Right now
Oh yeah
In sweet harmony"

anyway, yuck pb...*shudders* oh well.

...maybe in the next world.

this weekend i swear i slept so much that its not even funny...freakish sleep patterns...slept with my teddy bear, the one ive had like forever since i was young, he was lonely in his box so out he came....he needed somebody..he was somebody...

tomorrow we will have class critique of our clay monstrosities.

dunno...head hurts...tired....dont know what im doing....too many somebodies...yeow

well im back....woo...woo....or somethin

went to the health food store, but the mayo boy wasnt there :(...still got mayo, but no mayo boy...oh well.

me and my mum were listening to janis joplin all the way here...a certain part in a certain song kept making me smile...all in all, most of the songs are mighty good. beats the radio any day.

the weekend was just as all the ones that came before...listened to music, watched telly, ate ate ate, slept slept slept, dreamt dreamt dreamt, thought thought thought....went to kmart again!!!!! on its very last legs, got an eva cassidy cd for 9 dollars...its mighty good.

ive still got to make some copies of some cds that were lent to me...iggy pops & ween..later.

dunno how this week'll be....please be good to me week.

already finished with the mighty stressful clay project on friday, so 1 less thing, but now i have this group thinger in spanish to do...gah, and i got grotty peoples that i dont really know....oh well.

ive gots to read....ta

well, seems ive reached the end of the week with not much written....its ok, sometimes we just have other things on our minds..oh well, til sunday i guess ...you know what you need to know...

....go to sleep now....

wiggle wiggle wiggle...you make me giggle...
you make me smile...all the while
my heart beats fast...want it to last
dont really know...should i let go
this pain is good...i never would
my words are true...hope yours are too.

for you.....to whom it may concern.

last night-this morning was the most perfect time/day/moment ever. even though i was alone in my room, i wasnt alone in my heart. it was just so perfect that i dont want to ruin it by speaking of it. if i wouldve died in my sleep they wouldve found me with a mighty huge smile on my face...and dying wouldntve mattered...there isnt much that can top it, well maybe one thing..but...i dont want to sufficate. sleep? ha, who needs sleep when youre in such a moment of bliss...i now know what angels sound like...i hug my pillow in rememberance...i even had a dream...:) was nice...*sigh* but i know that it will all be downhill from this moment...um..been listening to tori...

"had a northern lad
well not exactly had
he moved like the sunset
god who painted that
first he loved my accent
how his knees could bend
i thought we'd be ok
me and my molasses
but i feel something is wrong
but i feel this cake just isn't done
don't say that you don't...."

"northern lad" is mighty good song....yes. ok, gots to get to class...maybe more later.

its weird, when you want somebody to be there for you, nobody is around, not even the one that you dont want, but will be there...well, i guess its still early...loneliness isnt picky...fate will decide.

......sssss

feeling reallly unwell since this morning, mustve been a convo i ate...but thats just me, the weather gets me down.

almost time for espanol class...been 2 weeks since last had.

hate my roommates, fucking cold in here...COLD!!!!! being the cold blooded creature i am...or maybe im dead.

anyway....goodbye to you.

ceramics class is such a hoot, really....this morning the class lent this girl in class her "male nude" book so that she could use for her clay project, had some very amusing pictures in there. we were teasing the teacher cos she said something about the "thomas" model, so we were all like "so...youve named them all huh?"...was too good.

went to my philo class...got exam back, actually passed with an 81 and 82, im thinking he just graded easy or something cos i couldve sworn my essays were totally wack...oh well. took my philo paper to get looked over, only small revisions needed, print it out tomorrow and turn in wed, then no more stressing over that.

went back to ceramics to work on project around 230...stayed there til about 815..got back all covered in clay and stuff, took a shower and was finally all out and everything around 9....didnt have time to have lunch today...oh well. *sigh* a bit tired.

a little less crazyish today, but still bordering looney....meow

i guess thats all..

even though the new no doubt video is a bit lazy i still think its oodles cute, thats just the sentimental side of me talking.

i guess im ready to start the week off...a bit blahish about it, but when arent i.

i am gonna work hard on my ceramics project, even if it kills me...even though last time i wasnt into it in any form i will try my best. i will get alot done...yes, keep telling myself, maybe it will happen.

the new shakira pepsi commercial was amusing...you know how easily amused i am.

ok, i guess thats all, who knows when ill be getting back, prolly after i get freaking sick of looking at clay...i will.

[[hugs and smile]] you know who...just for you.

way to go adrien brody for winning the oscar...see, tori did well when she cast him as the arm in her "a sorta fairytale" video...woo

"...Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again ..."

today i got here late...around 7 something cos my mom had to watch my corn child nephew and if she drives around with him she is likely to crash...now...me being in the vehicle and crashing isnt such a bad thing, just gotta make sure i die on contact cos you know im a naysayer of pain...but its ok, i dont want my mum or nephew to die, me fine, them no...so i was all ready around 1 to come and then she tells me...so to nap land i go....that just made me even more distraught, i was ready to come over and work on my art project, when i got here it was already too late...gotta finish it this week. im gonna be extra stressing...not good....help.

well, again with the wackoness..couldnt wait to get out of the house....seriously, it was horrible....ive no where to go. this weekend was crap of course. everytime im home i feel all pigish and grotty, i guess that cos i actually eat real food at home. so thats how i am at the moment..dunno why, i weighed myself when i got home and was at 147, which was less than i thought...but now...its just my crazy mind. nothing really happend at home..sleep, eat eat eat, etc. i didnt want to watch telly since all that was on was war things...while here at school i hadnt watched any of it, so when i started watching it was horrible...makes me very weapy..dunno, lately ive sunken way down....regressed to the past...very bad bad bad....got a call from my friend on fri, so i talked to her about the usually stuff: buffy, her boyfriend, blahs....meh. anyway, i guess im back.

i am sooooo ready for the weekend...yeah, remember how excited i was to be back here and now i want to go back...yes, im wacko

i had such a wonderful chat lastnight-thismorning with a wonderful person...he knows who he is ;) *wink*. who needs sleep when youre chatting with wonderful people....but he knows it, i dont have to say. i did get like 5 hours sleep, im fine....i do gotta study though...blerg

i had the weirdest dream....it involved my roommate, his girlfriend, some class mates from my ceramics class and other unknowns...basically, my roommate and his girlfriend were eating spicy doritos in the apartment and they were leaving, and i wanted some so i was on the couch, but i was lying down and invisible...then 2 girls from my class were there feeling around...and then i was gotta take a bath and another girl from class was going to after me....hmm...dunno....tre weird.

anyway, i guess thats it....much love and hugs to all the appropriate people...til sunday then i guess...ta

well, ive settled down a bit since last time, but still a bit on the loopy side. now ive just got to worry about my exam tomorrow, my project for art, turning in my paper next week and the war of course...

once again ive gone through the day with only breakfast..and candies of course :)

nothings really been happening

the whole war thing has yet to impact me...ive been to stressful over my banalities that its not sunken in yet..dont know if ill be ready when it does. i guess its cos i havent been watching all the coverage.

i hate working with clay...this alone is like half the grief...roar

i hope my friend is new york is fine, safe, and happy

ta.

again with the insanity...and another crap day....may it soon be over.

*sigh* im too busy stressing over school work to worry about my other problems, well ive still got a little space to worry about those things too...im on overdrive...ok, thats all....busy...

dont know what to think of today....looks like its gonna be crap.

i already went and had my advisement, that went well...got back and the song that was playing was "sing" by blur which i love very much, so that leads me to think that maybe it wont all be bad...but, its really windy outside, i dont feel well, not health wise, but on the inside...dunno, its just like a pain or decay or something. my hair is utter crap, then with this wind, theres no stopping it and i woke up this morning looking like hell...and fat...i got so fat over the break, seriously 8 days is alot of time to gain weight...im glad i only have one class today...i dont even want to leave my room again, but i wont miss the class..im not well. maybe if one of those stray cats or possums like bit my face off then i would have an excuss for looking so bad...i dont want to go to class...plus all the war this war that....im all war-ed out.

Blur - Sing
"I can't feel
'Cos I am numb
I can't feel
'Cos I am numb
So what's the worth in all of this
What's the worth in all of this

Sing to me

So what's the worth in all of this
If the child in your head
If the child is dead

Sing to me.."

thats like the perfect song for this moment....ok, im gonna go die some more now...

whenever you need somebody theres nobody around.....

*sigh* my mind is racing right now between thougths of that fucking giganto africanized killer ant and my impending break down identity crises...right now i dont know who i am...whats more important pleasure? happiness? or love?...am i in the right lane? should i be with the one that loves me or the one that i will love one day...my friend was right, i do need medication...i proceeded to explain to him that this is the happy less depressed me, that i was like uberdepressed 3 years ago, this is the lighter happier me...but deduced that even now i wasnt living to my full potential...hes right, im not right, i do need something....i wanna laugh i wanna cry{sorry, a little bjork(even though she didnt write the song) humour}...so at the moment im not feeling very well

tomorrow i have an advisement for summer...now im thinking that i dont even know if i can think that ahead...if i should continue with the schooling, spending money i dont have, learning and living maybe.....maybe i need to go on a nice little vacation in the dream world, no worries, no problems, no me no you no world no world no world

why is it we meet people that like/love us, but that we cant/dont like back....at this point id be happy to meet the one i love be it man or woman....whats love got to do with it? everything....

dont feel well....im im...not here.

haha, just remembered that there was a thought that i had last night that i was gonna post this morning, but i guess it slipped my lil insect mind..

well, love is weird, no?...so you love somebody and you have it in your head that you will never ever ever get over this person, you just might die or something if it doesnt materialize...you try really really hard, give it your heart and soul...then when it never happens..well, you wanna die(well, not really, but you think you do)...then time happens, life happens...you survive, you are a better person...your eyes are open...you see the truth...how could you have every been head over heels over "that" person...were you blind? were you mad? and you think to yourself how soooooo over that person you are that it hurts. then youre fine until the next one comes along and poisons(not that its a bad thing...um we can use the word sweetens or dunno...um...candies..or something) your brain/heart/emotional tract.....um right now, where am i?....dont really know...oblivion, its in the air right now.

ok, my thought is over.

meh i changed the lyrics after all....*sigh*...dunno, im feeling all blahish right now...maybe lack of sleep, maybe adjustment to uni setting, maybe its cos an evil giant ant bit my finger whilst i tried to be social with humanity...thats what i get...anyway, just not up to it, maybe later....

its cold in here....yes, im such a cold blood...first im hot, then cold, then alive, then dead....*shivers* well, still have a few before class...i couldnt sleep this morning...i was all with the wakingness. of course you know who i blame...the roommates :). anywho...

time to watch underGRADS and then nap time....school should be good once i awaken...maybe today.

i was gonna change the lyrics, but i think theyre still relevant...meh

well...i was watching the custom tori concert, then during "taxi ride"(love this song) stupid roommate disrupted me...got back during "precious things"...gak..well, i guess his brother in law was sorta cute ;p....im back just a few hours and already with the complaints...that is soooo me. anyway, im trying to work on my philo paper...got hot in here....

blogger is so evil to me...its always the archives..they always kill me...why cant they just work...

ok, im gonna try and remember everything that i had typed before....try try try

well, maybe ill just condense :)

ok, most of the break was wasted on me...nothing outta the norm happened, pretty much blah stuffs...

on the friday that i left, i visted the school bookstore and found the book that i had been lacking and got a drawing pencil, though not the one that i wanted...*grr*

then before heading home we went to the sprint store and activated my phone, which had been waiting nicely for me all week...then to kmart, the doomed kmart...took advantage of the sales and got 2 cheapy pants :) and 2 cds & tape..also, i got a cheapy cd/mp3 disk man...so, i guess that called for a *yay*, got home and called my friend to let him know that my phone was back..didnt answer and then the ennui

...then the sat-mon pretty much meshed together into one long aimless day of nothingness.

tue once again, we headed to the kmart ruins and did some more rampaging...found another pair of pants and some sweaters...1 more cd(but of course) and some sponge bob stickers...so that pretty much amused me for the rest of the day...then when i got home my friend finally called me...he was gonna be passing by to show his ex boyfriend his new car, so he decided to take me with...did some cruising, go to his friends house, watched the tail end of "shallow hal" then headed back...it was so nice...there was a moon out and he opened his sun roof thinger..so, afterwards we hung out at his house...got home somewhat late and slept.

wed-sat were once again one endless lifeless day...plus, my mom watched my child corn nephew, so that pretty much kept me closed up in my room...then sat nite/sun morn i did a few touch ups on my hair...blah

then today i got up, ate and got my stuffs ready and now here i am...writing this....AGAIN

so...basically i ate ate ate like a pig, got fat like a cow, slept like a hippo, and did no studying...bah, i hate that....im glad to be back, even if it means being amidst my roommates and gawkers and just plain ole stupid folk...im back.

gah, my comp is being all virusy...stupid virusy computer.

gah, i had typed out much and then it died out on me....dont want to again..forgot alot....*sigh* always me.

ok, i have time to update 1 last time...

so, got up early so i could hang out with my friend before class. first we went to the campus so she could meet some study guy, was the car warmer, of course i was all paranoid cos she left me there without putting any money in the meter...then some cop guys were in like a few cars away, so i was all squirming...so i got out and put 10 cents in the meter...a few min later she arrived..then we went to admissions so she could get transcript, then to library so she could get some paper from some girl, again i was the car warmer, this time she left it like on a yellow line with the hazard lights on...i was there for like 20some min...again with the paranoia..kept seeing the police pass by...once that was over we went to the pet store...so many cute animalies...puppies...the little one...SOOO CUTE...and the fishes and birdies and shrimpies and everything, i swear, i found them all cute...meh, so then we came back to campus and went to the union to get some grub...then headed to the building where our class is and ate there...and class, class was fine...and thats about it.

im gonna get to rest from all these distractions...ok, now im done...miss ya.

*sad*

so this is goodbye

well, i wont be back like til nexxxxxxxxxt sunday cos of spring break...me having fun? gallons of no...just me locked in my room napping all day long...id rather not have spring break, but oh well..whatever.

i wont be missed

"...But now you only call me
When you're feeling depressed
When you feel happy I'm
So far from your mind
My patience is stretched
My loyalty vexed ..."

yes, again with the morrissey lyrics, time to bring out the big guns...maybe someday my problems will mean something...

anyway, good bye. until the 16th i guess....whatever.

huzzzah, just got to see tori on regis and kelly(blarg)...at first i thought it might be a rerun, but then she did "taxi ride"....such a great song, such a sad song....too good, i had to quit studying and just stare at the tube...it was so cute, tori doing her little stradle stance whilst playing 2 piano/keyboard thingers...and her little chat with reg...love her!!!!

"...Even a glamorous
Bitch can be in
need
this is where you know
the Honey
from the
Killer Bees..."

ok, gotta study!!!!

oooh, love cats is on the net radio....*meow*

lesse lesse, hold your horses...horses held? good

yesterday..um...ceramics was fun...amusing...its a really really groovy class..open...um..listened to others talk about various drugs, kissing peoples, luuuuvas, make fun of me and my gandhisms, and threw chunks of clay into a girls cleavage, this was started by the uber gay guy in class and his female friend, theyre always playing around, chasing each other with clay, water, etc..anyway, soon several were doing it...me thinks the teacher finds us strange in that class, but she likes us...we amuse her much

philo class was ok, finished watching the film and then got released early...yeah, thats about it. after class me and my friend went to leave some tapes to some girl, got lunch at the union, talked about stuffs, argued over who was better...she thinks the lex character is better, while i think the clark guy is...yes, idle smallville banter :p, went to the library studyed...we were together like for 4 hours...friday were supposed to go to a pet store and look, she wants a puppy..of course you know i favor the meow meows...anyway, when she dropped me off at the apartment there was a group of weirdos(i can call them that cos im one too) in one of the picnic tables and they were like sooooo staring at me of course me and my friend noticed...so whilst i walked they were being all loud, i just totally ignored them, didnt waste eye sight on them and marched upstairs into my apartment...i hate people(not you).

got back here rested, did some tellying, netting, emailing & chatting :)...stayed up too late not studying for my mid term, gotta do that right now!!!!!

again with the eggs, my roommate eats scrambled eggs, leaves the whole place smelling of greasy egg.....gak

already had my pb and soymilk, im ready...just finishing burning a couple of cd that my friend in drawing class lent me, a ween album and a mr bungle album...almost done.

ok, seems like enough til later.

well, yesterday was a nice day...well, not the class part, but the rest was.....after spanish class i attended the peace rally...was really nice. i liked how the lady sang...was sad...had to restrain myself for a short while...then the speakers were ok, they were lead by this groovy guy..*swoon*...:p...there was about 100 or so spectators...the only thing that bugged me was the tv camera crews...2..i tried my best to evade them...but meh...lots of photography too. one of my friends from a class saw me standing there and joined me..even though she isnt sure if shes for or against..shes a mugwump....the whole thing was organized by the asian association...im really considering joining their group....saw another friend from drawing class there..talk a spell and then i help support them by buying a plate of their asian/indian food...i was all for yummy asian veggie food...so went to drawing after..ok, then that guy who was at the rally and i continued our convo...meet some of his friends, his girlfriend...we ended up talking for like a little less than 2 hours. came back to my room and ate the plate which by this time was like ubermega cold...got it at like 1 ate it at like 530...ate all except for the egg roll....being the humanitarian that i am, i left it for my roommates...let them wrestle for it. rested a few, did some webbing...then off for my walk...walked around campus 5 times as part of my project...so in all day i walked like 7 or so miles, i know im gonna be feeling it today when i wake up. got back only to find that my roommate had "clogged" the toilet...*rolls eyes*...then they pulled me into the room and made me hang with them for a while...talked about their druggy deeds...escaped to my room and had a nice chat, finally showered around 11 and now im here...*yawn*....all in all it was a nice day.

gnite.

sooooooooo tired, was at school from 845-730....soooo tired. got back, ate my lunch, which i had purchased at around 430, now a soggy sub, and a whole bag of picante cornnuts(yes, im totally being piggly)....showered and was finally able to rest at around 900...mrggggg most of those hours were spent working on my evil clay project...evil.

in philosophy class, whilst doing roll call, the prof was all like "sooo, what color is your hair today..har har, indistinguishable color..har" then several of his pets started taking turns deciphering my hair.....*sigh* oh well, the things i put up with.

today has been very moisture rich...dunno, just a sad sad day....too many sky tears.

maybe its just me, but usually when i see a guy and girl couple, i usually think that the guy is too good for the girl...seems guys like grotty girls, but not grotty guys...huh....yes

ok, thats all, mighty tired....sssnnnnzzzz

my roomate is such a freak(yes, thats coming from me) he barely woke up about 40 min ago...yeek

im so proud of my mom, today we heard the new no doubt song and right away my mom was all like "isnt that gwen?" i was all..."maybe, sounds like her, havent heard this song before"...well, anyway..she was right...see, forcing my mom to listen my musics has done my mom good. :p

im still lacking phone...i cant contact him :( maybe its best this way, ill save him the hurt.

...rest, that seems to be the theme for every weekend..um...got home, ate, listened to my 2 new cds!!!!, napped, tvd, musicd...blah...just blah. no, didnt get the new lou reed cd, got one of his classics instead..really really cool, depressing, real life...great!!! and finally got the devandra(cutie) cd...i love his little obsession with teeth and other weird things...really quirky and cute. 2 mega wooh albums.

last week before spring break..yeah, whatever...literal term for me...its gonna be a break...nap nap nap...oh well.

omgosh...watching that frat thinger on mtv...too dumb. the remote is to far to reach...its sooo stupid, cant keep eyes from rolling outta sockets....sure some of them are semi-yummy, but unless they start having slumber pillow fights, not much to be seen....blarg

im gonna try and concentrate this week, let the excitement find me...let him find me...where are you him?

i declare my hair a war zone.....*explosion*....

it rains, it pours, then it droughts :(

mabye.

im back...2 new cds!!!! um...blah blah....blah.